Don't leave me this way by little_profiler
Summary: Sequel to 'Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking'. Maybe they had hesitated too long and now there was no chance they'd get another try.
Categories: General Characters: Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia
Genres: Angst, Drama, Romance
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: Oneshots
Chapters: 14 Completed: No Word count: 36856 Read: 66801 Published: Dec 13, 2008 Updated: May 07, 2011

1. Chapter 1 by little_profiler

2. Chapter 2 by little_profiler

3. Chapter 3 by little_profiler

4. Chapter 4 by little_profiler

5. Chapter 5 by little_profiler

6. Chapter 6 by little_profiler

7. Chapter 7 by little_profiler

8. Chapter 8 by little_profiler

9. Chapter 9 by little_profiler

10. Chapter 10 by little_profiler

11. Chapter 11 by little_profiler

12. Chapter 12 by little_profiler

13. Chapter 13 by little_profiler

14. Chapter 14 by little_profiler

Chapter 1 by little_profiler
“What happened?” JJ wanted to know as the rest of the team arrived at the hospital. They’d quickly briefed every guest at the wedding about what had happened and taken care of everything before they’d driven to the hospital themselves.

“We still don’t know anything.” Fran replied for her son who had already been pacing the waiting room when she’d arrived and hadn’t stopped a second yet.

“She didn’t even wake up.” he mumbled more to himself. He’d insisted on going with her in the ambulance and held her hand the whole time. But he hadn’t seen a single sign that she was alive. And that they hadn’t heard anything yet certainly wasn’t a good sign.

At this moment a doctor walked around the corner and into the waiting room. Derek immediately stiffened.

“Penelope Garcia?” the man asked.

“Yes.” Derek rushed forward. “What can you tell us?”

“Not much so far, I fear.” the doctor sighed. “She’s running a very high fever. You said she was coughing up blood?”

“That’s what it looked like.” Derek affirmed impatiently.

“Well, that’s indicating that she has internal bleeding. I’m sorry, we’re not sure what she has. We have to run a few tests to be sure.”

“What can you do to help her?” Derek wanted to know.

“First of all we need to test everyone who has had contact with her, too.” the doctor replied. “We need to make sure that none of you are showing any of her symptoms.”

“What are you doing to help PENELOPE?” Derek snarled through gritted teeth.

The doctor sighed once more: “As long as we’re not sure which illness she has we can only treat the symptoms.” Even he could tell that the other man was about to punch him so he quickly continued: “But we already called in another doctor, a specialist for contagious diseases who happens to lecture at our hospital at the moment. He’ll find out what she has, he always does.”

“And then?” Hotch jumped in. “What is the prognosis?”

“It depends on the disease.” the man cleared his throat. “Dr. House will come to see you after his lecture, which should be in less than thirty minutes. I’m sure he’ll soon be able to tell you more.”

“Will you be able to stop the bleeding?” Derek wanted to know. “I mean, does she need transfusions? Has she woken up already? Can I see her? What are you…”

“Derek!” Fran softly interrupted him. “Give the doctor time to answer your questions.”

“She has indeed woken up and asked for a Derek Morgan. I suppose that’s you.” the doctor answered him. “You can see her, but until we’re sure what kind of disease she has you’ll have to wear medical scrubs and a mask.”

Nodding briefly Derek followed the doctor, eager to finally see his baby girl and make sure that she was going to be okay.

But when he stepped through the door and into the isolated room his hopes faded. She looked incredibly pale. Carefully he stepped closer and smiled when she opened her eyes. At least she had regained consciousness again.

“Hey.” Penelope whispered. “You look gorgeous.”

“So you like me with half of my face covered?” he teased.

“No” Penelope chuckled which turned into a slight cough, “but I always wanted to marry a doctor.”

“Does that mean I was only your second choice?” he returned the banter but the tone in his voice gave away his worry.

“No, you have always been my only choice, hot stuff. I’m sorry, I blew it…” she whispered as her eyes fluttered shut and she remained silent for a moment.

Derek watched her with growing worry. She looked weak and really ill.

“I should stop falling asleep on you.” Penelope sighed when she cast up her eyes again.

She tried to sit up but Derek kept her from doing so. “Don’t, baby!” he scolded her. “You should take it easy.”

“I’m so sorry, honey, I should have listened to you.” she mumbled sadly. “For almost five years I’ve been waiting for this day and now... You think that’s a sign?”

“Yeah, it’s a sign that you should spare yourself.” Derek smiled as he sat down on the bed.

“Do they already know what’s wrong with me?” Penelope wanted to know.

Derek frowned and replied sullenly: “They’re pretty much silent about that. The doctor said they had to call in a specialist and then run a few tests. But they didn’t even venture a guess.”

“I guess they don’t want to until they’re sure.” she coughed. “I mean, if they assume it’s something serious they’ll frighten us needlessly and if they assume that it isn’t…”

“This IS serious.” Derek interrupted her. “You should look at yourself. You look like hell.”

“Well, thank you, my prince charming.” she tried to tease him.

But there wasn’t much that could have lit up Derek’s mood at the moment. He was much too worried about his baby girl. If only someone would tell him what was wrong with her! But they didn’t even seem to know themselves. Derek wasn’t sure what was worse, not knowing what was wrong with Penelope or knowing that the doctor’s didn’t know either.

“Hey” Penelope reached out to take Derek’s hand in hers, “don’t worry so much. You’ll only get wrinkles all over your face.”

“Just promise me that you’ll get better soon.” he whispered.

But Penelope didn’t get a chance to answer since the door was opened and a man limped into the room, resting his weight on the walking stick instead of his right leg.

“My name is Dr. Hartnell.” the man said. “How may I help you.”

“I was told… you never visit… patients, Dr. House.” Penelope said between heavy breaths.

“Sometimes I’m forced to.” the man shrugged. “Looks better in the personal file, you know.”

“What are you talking about?” Derek asked bewilderedly while the older man smirked slightly.

“William Hartnell was the first Dr. Who.” Penelope explained and took another rattling breath. “1963.”

“So, what are your symptoms?” Dr. House asked getting straight to the matter.

“She’s got a high temperature.” Derek replied instead. “She coughed up blood and then passed out. And she’s having problems breathing.”

Dr. House frowned and took a step closer. “Are you taking drugs?”

“No.” Penelope replied meeting his gaze.

“Sure” House mumbled and examined her, “you know that we’ll find out, right? We have to do some blood tests anyways.”

“Excuse me, buddy.” Derek said through gritted teeth.

But Penelope held him back and formed a voiceless ‘it’s okay’ before she turned back to House: “Go ahead. I have nothing to hide.”

“Did you have sex recently?” House asked unaffectedly.

Derek crossed his arms in front of his muscular chest and exhaled noisily: “And how exactly is this your business?”

“I’m just interested in other people’s sex life since I don’t have one on my own.” he said, lowering his voice as if he was telling a secret. When Derek just raised an eyebrow he rolled his eyes: “It could be a STD.”

“Then I’d have it as well.” Derek grunted.

“Oh, so you’re her boyfriend.” House said with raised eyebrows.

“Fiancée.” Derek corrected him about to punch that guy’s face into an indefinable clot of flesh for treating his goddess the way he did.

“Oh.” was all House answered, but he examined Derek and then once more Penelope.

“What.” Derek snarled, clearly breathing fire. This guy was supposed to be a specialist, the best in his field? How in hell should he help Penelope?!

“I’m just wondering” House shrugged, “she’s not exactly your type, right? I mean, you could get someone more…”

“That’s enough!” Derek huffed as he raised his fist.

“Derek, don’t!” Penelope held him back giving him a pleading look. This guy could say whatever he wanted to “ all that mattered was that he could find out what was wrong with her.

“Maybe you… were looking somewhere else… lately?” House suggested giving Derek an expecting and yet somewhat childishly innocent look.

“Oh, at first she’s taking drugs and now I cheated on her.” Derek growled. “What kind of doctor are you, huh?”

“People lie.” he replied. “Test results don’t.”

“Well then” Derek snorted, “go ahead and test her blood for whatever you want but find out what’s wrong with her!”

“I assume she doesn’t have enough blood left to test all of it since she’s constantly coughing it up.” House shrugged.

In the blink of an eye Derek had rushed towards him and seized him by the collar: “Why the hell do they let you talk to patients at all?!”

“They don’t LET me, they FORCE me to do so.” House defended himself. “I didn’t ask to be here.”

“Neither did I.” Penelope softly said causing the men to turn their attention back from their fight to her and therefore their actual problem.

“I can only help you if you’re both honest with me.” House explained. “And experience told me that even facing death “ be it their own or the death of a loved one “ people still lie, especially about things like drugs and affairs.”

“We’re telling you the truth.” she assured him. “Because there is no need to… tell lies.”

“Time will tell.” he mumbled.

“Why don’t you just do your fucking job and try to cure her already?!” Derek hissed.

“You’re quite stubborn, right?” House turned his attention back to Penelope. “You refused to see a doctor when the first symptoms occurred. You certainly thought whatever it was it would go away without treatment. Or maybe you thought it was just the flu.”

“So, you know what she has?” Derek asked suspiciously once again crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Well, I think you’re lucky, Miss Garcia.” House said good-temperedly. “Not only because you have the great honor to be treated by THE specialist for mysterious infections and extraordinary sex practices… which has absolutely nothing to do with your case.”

“Are you going to tell us what’s wrong with her or do you just enjoy hearing yourself talk a little longer?” Derek grumbled.

“Ouch, that hurt.” House mimicked in mocked pain. “And I always thought people worship doctors. You know, the whole demigod…”

“Would you mind telling us what’s wrong with Penelope?” Derek cut him off, once again ready to punch him, doctor or not.

“You know, I’m a little concerned that this doctor who called me in is not exactly… gifted in his field.” House told him instead. “Okay, he’s still young but… It’s really annoying to be called in on such an uninteresting case.”

“So it’s nothing severe?” Derek concluded, a sign of hope audible in his voice. At the prospect of his baby girl being well again soon he even ignored that House had called Penelope’s case ‘uninteresting’.

“This is just an acute outburst of bronchitis.” House shrugged. “Coughing up blood is rare but not unusual, if it’s bad or isn’t treated in time. Some antibiotics and you’ll be able to leave this hospital in… not more than three days.”

Derek sighed with relief. This was the first good news he’d heard in a long time.

“Next time when you run a fever, call a doctor immediately.” House advised and limped out of the room.

Relief clearly showing in his eyes Derek bent down to kiss Penelope’s forehead.

“Careful, hot stuff” she whispered, “I’m still contagious, I guess.”

“I don’t care.” he smiled. “As long as you’ll be alright.”
Back to index
Chapter 2 by little_profiler
“Good morning.” a young nurse greeted and eyed Derek up as she entered the room. “You know that… there are no visiting hours now, right?”

“So?” he grumbled. “Try and drag me outta here.”

“I’m just saying” the woman shrugged, her voice soft and a little defensive, “you should get some rest.”

“I think you should consider caring more about Penelope than me.” he snarled.

“Derek.” Penelope quietly scolded him.

“Sir, I can assure you…”

But Derek cut her off: “What? That you’re doing everything in your power to cure her? She’s getting the antibiotics but it’s still getting worse. Shouldn’t it get better?!”

“Dr. House will talk to you in a minute.” the nurse gave him an insecure smile.

“House?” Derek burst out. “I thought this case wasn’t interesting enough for him to be called in ‘cause it’s not… unusual.”

“As you said the antibiotics aren’t as effective as we expected them to be.” the nurse sighed. “That’s why we called Dr. House back in. He’s still sure this is not a case for him. That’s certainly a good sign.”

“Depends on what kind of specialist he is.” Derek grunted.

“I can assure you he’s one of the best doctors you can get.” the nurse objected.

“Except for the fact that he doesn’t like people.” he mumbled.

You could tell from her eyes that she was smiling slightly. “Yeah, he can be challenging. But to be honest, if I was ill I would want him to be my doctor no matter how insulting he can be.”

“Apparently, he can’t help Penelope either.” Derek said gloomily. “Or maybe he just doesn’t want to.”

“Derek.” Penelope’s voice was barely above a whisper. “They’re all doing what’s in their power.”

“I know.” he sighed obviously frustrated. “But it doesn’t help one bit.” He sat back down by her side and took her hand in his. “I’m just afraid of losing you, that’s all. And I want to make sure that House or whoever is working your case really do their best.”

“I know.” Penelope smiled at him. “Just try to be a little polite, would you?”

“I’ll do my best.” he mumbled unwillingly. “But if this wannabe specialist accuses you of anything again I can’t guarantee for how I’m going to treat him.”

“He shouldn’t bother you too much.” Penelope whispered, unable to speak louder. “I feel… sorry for him.”

“Why?” Derek tried to keep the concern out of his voice and his face. But from the look in her eyes he could tell he wasn’t very successful.

“He doesn’t know what trust is.” she smiled at him.

“Have you been on a holiday lately?” House asked without a greeting when he limped into the room “ without knocking beforehand. “I mean, outside the country.”

“No.” Penelope replied and squeezed Derek’s hand to keep him from jumping at the older man. “We’ve only traveled to Chicago to see Derek’s family. And we went on a camping trip a couple of weeks ago.”

“Where?” House asked, his attention suddenly caught by that statement.

“Just a few miles out of town.” Derek answered.

House seemed to consider the options for a moment before he asked: “Were you bitten by anything out there?”

“No, not that I know of.” Penelope replied.

“Are there any… bite marks or stings on your body?” House pressed her.

This time it was Derek who answered the question: “I can assure you there’re none.”

House frowned: “Well, the symptoms aren’t all too distinct. They could indicate a number of diseases or infections.”

“Weren’t you the one saying that it was just a bronchitis?” Derek grumbled.

“Because that is the most common reason for coughing up blood.” House tossed back snappishly. “But since the antibiotics aren’t effective it has to be something else.”

“Then what’s wrong with Penelope?” Derek almost yelled at House.

“Did you ever smoke?” House asked Penelope without answering Derek’s question.

“No” she replied with a frown, “I didn’t even try. I watched my uncle dying of lung cancer when I was about ten.”

When House didn’t say anything in return Derek frowned: “Are you suggesting that she’s got lung cancer?”

“We have to run a few tests.” House answered. “First of all, we need to examine her lungs and see if we can find any tumors. I also want to do a biopsy and see if we can find anything.”

“A biopsy?” Derek asked in concern. “That will hurt, right?” He’d heard about a procedure where a needle was inserted into the lungs through the chest or back.

“Well, it’s not exactly enjoyable.” House replied with a shrug. “But we’ll have to do some tests first anyways.”

“What does this biopsy look like?” Derek insisted.

“It depends” House answered vaguely, “first let’s see what the tests tell us.”

Of course, Derek wasn’t allowed to be in the room with Penelope while they were examining her and taking blood samples from her. So he was pacing the corridor in front of it.

“So?” he asked impatiently when the door opened and a young female doctor and a nurse stepped into the corridor.

“We’ll have to wait for the results of the blood tests.” the doctor answered and gave Derek an apologetic smile.

“What does that mean?” he frowned. “Didn’t the check-up tell you anything?”

“It sounds like there’s water in her lungs.” the doctor sighed. “Or… maybe blood. We’re not sure. But that is certainly what’s causing her breathing problems.”

“We will do the biopsy to find out what’s wrong with her lungs and what’s in them.” House explained when he limped around the corner.

“You don’t even know which area could be affected.” the female doctor argued. “Which area do you want to do the biopsy? The results won’t be conclusive.”

“No, but we might find something.” he shrugged.

“Yeah, or more likely you’ll find nothing at all and cause her unnecessary pain.” the woman snorted. “Plus we’re still not sure what caused her to cough up blood. If we cut out a piece of her tissue we might not be able to stop the bleeding afterwards.”

“You won’t do the biopsy.” Derek exclaimed. “Not as long as you don’t even have an idea what it might be.”

Shrugging House pulled up his mask, pushed the door to Penelope’s room open and asked: “Do you have anything made of metal in your body? Implants, nails or something?”

“No.” Penelope replied a little puzzled. “Why?”

“You wanna do a MRT?” the other doctor asked. “Why not X-rays first?”

“The MRT is much more detailed.” he shrugged again and turned to leave the room. “The X-rays certainly won’t show anything anyway. We still need to find out what’s wrong with her and since her bodyguard won’t allow me to do a biopsy...”

Then House turned to Penelope to examine her once again. “Hope you’re not claustrophobic.” he stated and winked at her. “Do a full body scan while you’re at it.” That being ordered he was gone.

Sighing the woman turned to leave the room as well.

“What’s gonna happen now?” Derek held her back.

“I’m gonna try and get the room for the MRT as soon as possible.” the woman replied. “I’ll come and get you then. But I fear you’ll have to wait outside while…”

“Like hell I will.” Derek grunted.

A small smile crossed the woman’s face and she replied: “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Don’t worry.” Derek tried to give his girl a smile through the mask. “I won’t let anyone cause you unnecessary pain.”

She just nodded and drew in an unsteady breath, her face twisting with pain.

“Baby girl?” Derek asked concerned. “Shall I get a nurse so that they can give you something for the pain?”

But Penelope shook her head no. “It’s just… hard to breathe.” She whispered and then started to cough.

Derek helped her sit up and hoped that this would help her breathe. But when he looked down he saw blood sprinkled over the white blanket and immediately pushed the emergency button.

A nurse rushed into the room followed by the female doctor.

Penelope started to gasp and then coughed up more blood.

“She can’t breathe.” the nurse said in Derek’s opinion a little too calm for the situation.

“Get me a syringe!” the doctor ordered. “We need to remove the blood from her lungs.”

The nurse almost ran out of the room and returned only seconds later handing the doctor a big syringe that looked like an instrument of torture.

“This will hurt now.” the doctor warned Penelope. “But it will help you breathe. Ready?”

She nodded weakly and let the nurse move her to lay on her side.

Derek rushed next to the bed and took her hand in his. “It’s gonna be okay, baby.” he whispered and stroked her hand with his thumb.

She clutched his hand tightly and then closed her eyes.

Derek could see her face twisted with pain, even worse than a minute ago, when the needle went through her back directly into her lungs and wanted to make the doctor stop. But suddenly Penelope relaxed a bit and drew in a shallow but steady breath.

“Better?” the doctor asked in a low voice.

Penelope nodded, winced a little when the needle was extracted again from her lungs and then drew in another breath. She opened her eyes to smile at Derek and assure him everything was fine while the nurse bandaged the little puncture mark on her back.

“We still don’t have an appointment for the MRT.” the doctor sighed and placed the syringe that was now filled with blood on a metal table. “But I hope it won’t take much longer.”

That being said she left again.

Derek reached out to brush the tears from Penelope’s cheek. He wished he was at least allowed to take this stupid mask off so that he could kiss her and hold her tighter.

“It’s okay.” she assured as if she could read his mind. “It’s enough that you’re here.”

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Derek smiled. “Well, except if they can’t get you that stupid appointment.” he added a little playfully. “Then I’m gonna go and get you the MRT myself “ even if I have to drag out whoever is in there at that moment.”

It took them almost twelve hours to get an appointment for the MRT to be done. Twelve hours in which Derek could practically watch Penelope’s condition getting worse.

Finally around ten p.m. that day the female doctor came back into the room, loosened the breaks of the hospital bed and pushed Penelope outside with Derek following hard on them. At least he was allowed to wait with the doctor in the other room while Penelope was inside the tube and stared at the computer screens.

“What does that tell us?” he wanted to know.

“Nothing.” the woman sighed. “Her lungs are clean, no tumors, no visible ruptures.”

“But the blood must have come from somewhere.” Derek mumbled more to himself.

“That’s why Dr. House wanted me to do a full body scan.” she replied.

“And?” he pressed her.

The woman frowned at the screen but didn’t react to his question.

“What?” he wanted to know. “Doctor… What was your name?”

“Everyone just calls me Thirteen.” she replied absentmindedly.

Derek opened his mouth to add something but was interrupted when House opened the door and let a file drop on the table.

“We have a problem.” both House and Thirteen said simultaneously. Then they both frowned at each other.

“What is it?” Derek demanded to know, ready to punch something.

“I bet the problem I was talking about is bigger than anything you could have found in there.” House said, his face unusually serious. “We have the results of the blood tests. At first they couldn’t find anything so I made them test her blood for every disease they could think of. Guess what?! It’s a hemorrhagic fever!”

“What?” Thirteen’s eyes widened. “That means we’ll have to quarantine the whole ward and everyone she’d been in close contact with. And we all need to be tested as soon as possible.”

“What, you’re telling me she’s got Ebola or something?” Derek jumped in worriedly watching Penelope who was just sliding out of the tube of the MRT.

“Not necessarily.” Thirteen explained. “There’re several types of hemorrhagic fevers. Do they know the type yet?”

“Nope.” House replied. “What did you find out.”

Thirteen sighed, turned back to the screen and pointed at one of the pictures. “Here.”

“Damn it!” House mumbled as he leaned closer to the screen. “You’re right, that really is a problem.”

“What?” Derek wanted to know and tried to identify anything he saw on the screen. But it was just a mass of black and white and shades in between. “What’s wrong?”

“Seems you scored at the wrong time.” House frowned at him.

Derek seized him by the collar and hissed: “What the hell are you talking about?!”

“Apparently, your fiancée is pregnant.” Thirteen explained calmly.

Derek let his hands drop to his sides and stared at Penelope who was lying in her hospital bed again after one of the nurses had helped her to get from the stretcher back into bed.

“What… exactly does that mean for her?” he asked carefully.

“It’s best for her to have an abortion.” House replied without ceremony. “The chances of the baby surviving the infection aren’t good anyways. But it diminishes the chances of your girlfriend surviving. She’s barely strong enough to survive the infection but she’s definitely too weak to keep herself and the baby alive. We’ll give her an abortion pill.”

“Don’t you at least want to know what her opinion is about this?” Derek snarled.

“Trust me, it’s better if she doesn’t know.” House objected. “As I said, she’ll lose the baby sooner or later anyways due to the infection. But if we abort it right now her chances of surviving this are…”

“No!” Derek yelled at him. “I’m not gonna lie to her like that and I’m not gonna do this to her and you aren’t either! This is her decision.”

“Well then, congratulations.” House snorted. “You’ve just signed her death warrant.”
Back to index
Chapter 3 by little_profiler
Derek jumped when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” the nurse smiled at him. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Worriedly Derek turned back to the woman on the bed. “Did something happen?”

“No.” the nurse quickly assured. “I just need to change her bedding. Maybe you should go and get yourself a coffee, you look like you could use one.”

“How’re my looks your business?” he grumbled.

Shrugging the woman replied: “I just thought you wanted to look at least rested for your fiancée. The last thing she needs at the moment is having to worry about you, too.”

Derek snorted: “As if…”

“You should be home, handsome.” a weak, raspy voice interrupted him.

“Baby.” Derek’s voice softened considerably. “How are you feeling?”

“Not worse than yesterday.” Penelope smiled. “How are the others? Was anyone tested positive?”

“I don’t know.” he replied honestly. “I haven’t seen House or Thirteen in a while.”

“Would you go and find out for me?” she pleaded.

Sighing Derek gave in and left the room to get his baby girl the required information.

“You’re lucky, you know that.” the nurse smiled as she started to pull the sheets off of Penelope’s bed. “I wish my husband would care so much about me.”

“I wish Derek was my husband already.” Penelope replied weakly.

“Don’t worry”, the nurse smiled at her, “you two will exchange your vows in no time at all.”

“Dr. House didn’t seem to be so sure about that.” Penelope whispered.

The nurse just gave her an apologetic smile wishing that all the other tests would come back negative.

Derek sighed outside the door. He hadn’t meant to overhear the conversation inside the room but he had wanted to make sure that the nurse wouldn’t cause Penelope any pain. Unwillingly he made his way towards the waiting room. The hospital had locked up the whole ward after it had turned out that Penelope had a hemorrhagic fever.

“How did she manage to make you leave her side?” Thirteen asked as she stepped next to Morgan.

He smiled bleakly: “She asked me to find out whether anyone else is infected.”

“I was just on my way to talk to your family and your team members.” Thirteen replied. “You can join me.”

Derek nodded wordlessly. At least one of Penelope’s doctors seemed to be caring and compassionate. It was good that she was the one telling the others what was wrong with Penelope.

Everyone in the room turned their heads towards the door when it was opened.

“Good morning.” Thirteen greeted. “I fear the news I have for you isn’t all that good. Apparently, Miss Garcia has been infected with a hemorrhagic fever.”

“Oh, my God.” JJ gasp.

“And do they know what type it is already?” Reid wanted to know.

“It’s CCHF.” Thirteen replied.

“Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever. ” Reid added. “It has a mortality rate between ten and fifty per cent. It’s basically contagious through contact with infected blood.”

“That’s right.” the woman affirmed.

“So… how will you treat her?” Fran asked quietly.

“That’s the problem.” Thirteen sighed. “Basically, we can only treat the symptoms but not the actual disease. There is no cure for hemorrhagic fevers “ even though we’ve had some success with ribavirin.”

“And… what exactly does that mean?” Derek carefully asked trying to sound not as worried as he actually was.

“It depends on the fever.” Thirteen replied. “As Dr. Reid said the mortality rate of CCHF is about ten to fifty per cent, maybe a little less if the ribavirin works.”

“But?” Derek grumbled.

“Well, the most common way of getting infected is through direct blood contact. But still everyone who had close contact with her since she’s been exposed to the virus is endangered as well.” she explained.

“How can we be sure?” JJ whispered.

“That’s why you’re here. We need to run blood tests on everyone Miss Garcia had had contact with.” Thirteen answered and got ready to leave the room. “Who of you wants to be first to have a blood sample taken from?”

“JJ?” Hotch asked. He had figured that the first one having their blood tested would be the first one to get the results.

She just nodded slightly and followed Thirteen out of the room.

“My God, Derek, how is she?” Fran asked sympathetically and put a comforting hand on her son’s arm.

“Bad.” he whispered almost not audible.

“Let’s go and get some coffee.” Fran smiled at him gently leading him out of the room.

Sighing Derek followed his mother into the cafeteria where they sat down in a quiet corner. “She’s suffering.” Derek silently told his mom. “She’s in pain and she has trouble breathing. Yesterday she almost suffocated because she had too much blood in her lungs. They attached her to a breathing machine. It’s getting worse every day but you know what’s worst about all this?”

Fran reached over the table and gently took her son’s hands in hers: “That there’s nothing you can do to help her.”

He gave her a joyless smile: “Sometimes I think you know me too well.”

“You are helping her.” she assured. “Even if you aren’t able to take her pain away or help her breathe. But you’re with her. Trust me, that helps a lot.”

“Thank you, mom.” Derek whispered and took a sip of his coffee.

“Mrs. Morgan?” a nurse suddenly asked. “I’m sorry to interrupt you but we need to get your blood tested, too.”

“Oh”, Fran frowned slightly, “I didn’t think you’d be that fast.”

“We have three nurses taking the blood samples.” she explained. “A case like this has highest priority.”

“I understand.” Fran nodded and turned back to her son. “I’ll see you in the waiting room in a few minutes. You both need some rest.”

Derek nodded. Even though he didn’t like leaving Penelope alone for even a second he knew that his mother was right. He wasn’t able to watch her suffer anymore “ and she certainly couldn’t stand the worry in his eyes anymore. Otherwise she wouldn’t have wanted him to go.

He emptied his plastic cup and then walked back to the waiting room. His mother had already returned as well as everyone else. Most of them were pacing the room, even Hotch seemed unusually agitated.

“Any news yet?” Derek wanted to know.

Des was just about to complain that this was taken them way too long when the door opened and Thirteen walked in.

“We have the first test results.” she told them with a small smile. “So far Desiree and Sarah Morgan as well as Agent Jareau are cleared to go home. All your results came back negative.”

“What about the others?” Des asked impatiently. “Why is this taking so long anyways? I mean, it’s not like you still have to figure out what kind of disease…”

“Ma’am”, Thirteen interrupted her, “I assure you we’re working as fast as we can. All your blood samples have highest priority to be tested. But still we have to double-check them to be entirely sure that none of you were infected. They’ll have all the results in not more than half an hour, I suppose.”

JJ took in a deep breath, the news that she wasn’t ill finally sinking in, before she asked: “Where did Penelope get infected?”

“That’s what we need to find out.” House replied as he limped into the room, five other files in his hands. “The rest of you are cleared to go as well.”

“What about my son?” Fran wanted to know.

House eyed her up: “So you are Mrs. Morgan. No wonder he seems to be more attracted to white women.”

Knowing well enough where this conversation would lead to Thirteen sneaked out of the room to look for Derek’s test results.

“Hey, easy buddy.” Derek warned through gritted teeth.

“I’m just stating facts.” House shrugged. “Our parents considerably affect the type of people we’re attracted to. So if your mother’s white that at least partly answers the question of what you might find in this girl.”

Derek clenched his fists but his mother put a comforting hand on his arm. “I married my husband in the sixties so there’re only few things you can say I haven’t heard already “ even though I have to admit that I haven’t met someone so narrow-minded in a very long time.”

House gave her an appreciative look and one corner of his mouth moved upwards almost not noticeable. “The results of your son’s blood test will be back soon.” he answered Fran’s former question. “We’re just triple-checking to make sure he’s not infected since he was… closest to the patient.”

“She’s got a name.” Derek grumbled.

Again House just shrugged: “I’m terrible with names. That’s why I became a doctor. I can just refer to everyone as ‘the patient’.”

“I wonder why you became a doctor at all.” Fran jumped in. “Didn’t they tell you that you’d have to deal with people.”

“Normally I don’t have to.” House replied. “That’s what my assistants are for. I only deal with diseases. But unfortunately, this time they only allowed me to take one member of my team with me. So you’ll have to put up with me.”

“I understand.” Fran nodded. “Thank you, doctor, I’m really relieved now.”

Both House and Derek gave her a quizzical look.

Fran gave the older man a warm smile: “Well, you indeed must be a great doctor.”

House raised an interested eyebrow at her.

“The hospital obviously doesn’t employ you because of your great social skills.” Fran said in the sweetest voice she could manage. “I know a thing or two about the policy of hospitals. If they are willing to take the risk of being sued because of your behavior it means that there’s no other doctor in the world as good as you. If there was, you wouldn’t be here.”

JJ and Emily giggled softly.

Derek gave his mother a puzzled glance.

Des and Sarah grinned at each other.

Rossi leaned over to Hotch and whispered: “I think, I’m in love.”

“Doctor, do you have any idea how or where Garcia got infected?” Hotch asked to get the conversation back to the actual problem.

“Well, since she hasn’t been in Africa lately, she certainly got it from someone she’s been… intimate with.” House shrugged giving Derek a meaningful look.

“What does that mean?” Sarah frowned.

“Dr. House is obsessed with the idea that I’m cheating on Penelope.” Derek grumbled and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Tell me, doctor, why then is she the one showing symptoms and not me?”

“Maybe you really didn’t cheat on her.” House shrugged. “Maybe she was the one needing to try and find what you didn’t want to give to her.”

“What, now you’re suggesting that Penelope cheated on me because I didn’t want her?!” Derek almost yelled at him.

“Maybe you should try and find out who else is having this specific disease.” Reid jumped in trying to argue logically to calm the situation. “Then you can look for a connection to Garcia.”

“What do you think we’re doing all day long, sitting on our hands?” House snorted. “We’re testing everyone in this hospital who’s showing the smallest symptoms of a flu for a hemorrhagic fever right now and we’ve asked every hospital within a radius of a hundred miles to do the same but so far we’ve got nothing. So what does that tell us? Certainly that Miss Garcia wasn’t infected here or anywhere near this place meaning that she must have…”

Thirteen interrupted him by storming back into the room: “Doctor, we have a problem.”

“What kind of problem?” he wanted to know without taking his eyes off of Fran who was holding his gaze with a small smile on her face.

“We have another case of CCHF.” Thirteen informed him a little breathlessly.
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Chapter 4 by little_profiler
“We have another case of CCHF.” Thirteen informed him a little breathlessly.

Everyone turned to look at Derek.

Derek just frowned. He didn’t feel ill, not at all. In fact, he was perfectly fine. If he really was infected shouldn’t he be showing any of the symptoms Penelope had shown already? Maybe the test results were wrong.

Or it wasn’t him. But whom else could it be? Hadn’t Thirteen and House said that the others were cleared to go because all their test results had come back negative?!

“Apparently, it’s the same strain as Miss Garcia’s.” Thirteen added. “Meaning that somehow one must have infected the other. We just can’t tell for sure who’s been infected first.”

Okay, so that certainly meant it was him, right? On the other hand Thirteen’s words sounded a bit too… indifferent for the person in question to be in the room. Or maybe that was just the usual medical distance “ or she’d been hanging out with House too much.

How was he supposed to tell his baby girl that he was infected, too?! She would feel guilty about it “ even though as Thirteen said they couldn’t tell for sure whether she infected him or he infected her. God, if he had infected her… if this was all his fault…

But then again where did he get infected? Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever didn’t sound like a very common disease ‘round here. One of his girlfriends? Certainly not. Didn’t they say something about the incubation period being only a few weeks? He’d been with Penelope for almost a year now. And no matter how much House would like it otherwise he had not seen another girl during this whole wonderful time.

“I suppose it’s not Agent Morgan?” House raised an eyebrow at her.

You could have heard a needle drop until Thirteen shook her head no and everyone sighed with relief. “No, he’s perfectly healthy. The other case is a man in the ICU.” she replied. “They hadn’t noticed until we asked the hospital to have everyone tested who’s showing the least symptoms of the flu.”

A man in the ICU? How did that happen? They had Penelope in a single room since she’d arrived here. That was one of the advantages of being a Federal Agent. And after it had turned out that she was seriously ill they’d closed off the whole ward. Plus, the ICU was two floors down.

“So… he’s not been treated for the fever yet?” House frowned. “Then why is he in the ICU already?”

“He’s been shot.” she handed him the file.

Shot. Derek clenched his fists as well as his jaw. This couldn’t be now, could it? This couldn’t possibly be all the fault of this little twisted pervert! What did Reid say? ‘It’s basically contagious through contact with infected blood.’

That was it! That was how it had happened. Screw House and his theory of one of them cheating on the other. Infected blood. He was gonna kill this sleaze!

House skimmed the first few pages of the file in his hands. “According to his record he and Miss Garcia never had any contact. There’s not a single room in this hospital they’ve been in together or after one another. How did he get infected?”

“We don’t know.” Thirteen replied.

Oh, well, maybe they should just ask if they KNEW each other. Derek grunted. It had to be him. There was no other possibility. He just needed the affirmation before he went right down to the ICU to place both his hands around that sicko’s neck. But he didn’t dare saying anything, he just couldn’t speak. If Penelope got infected the way Derek thought she did it was all his fault.

“What about the blood transfusions he received?” House asked. “Did Miss Garcia donate any blood lately?”

“Wouldn’t that have been tested?” Reid jumped in.

Sighing annoyed House turned to Reid: “Of course, it would. But sometimes they miss something, okay?!”

“She hasn’t donated any blood within the last year.” Thirteen informed them. “And even if she had it wouldn’t matter because she’s AB positive and he’s B positive. Their blood types don’t match.”

“Damn it!” House swore. “So where does this lead us?”

“Maybe they knew each other?” Reid carefully intervened again. “I mean, he could have been infected outside the hospital, right?”

Finally someone who was thinking!

“Very good, genius!” House rolled his eyes at him. “The only problem is that every single person she had contact with during the past months is in this room. Unless there’s something you want to tell me.” he looked at Derek.

Derek couldn’t hold it back any longer. He knew that it was against the medical confidentiality but he had to know. There was only one conclusion this whole story pointed to anyways. “Excuse me, what’s the guy’s name?” he wanted to know.

House frowned at him: “I’m sure you know that this information complies with medical confidentiality.”

Derek snorted slightly: “As if you care.” Actually he’d expected that reaction from Thirteen.

House opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Derek: “Never mind, just let me guess. His name is Lynch, right? Kevin Lynch.”

“How did you know?” Thirteen asked confused.

But Derek didn’t answer. Instead he stormed off into the direction of the ICU. He’d known it. Of course, it had to be him. Of course, HE had to be responsible for all this. As if kidnapping her and making both of them undergo so much fear that day hadn’t been enough! He also had to put them through this hell!

Hotch was the first one to assess what was going on and followed Derek. The whole team as well as Derek’s mother and Thirteen followed suit. Only House couldn’t quite keep pace with them. “Hey, that’s not fair! I didn’t hear a starting signal.” he yelled after them.

Derek pretty much ran into the ICU almost knocking over the nurse who’d just come out. There was only one thought running through his mind. Would he strangle him or beat the guy to death?

At the moment, he didn’t care about the consequences. He didn’t even care about the fact that he might get infected as well while trying to kill that son of a bitch. All he could think about was that Kevin Lynch was the reason why Penelope was suffering endless torments “ and that for the first time in days he felt like there was something he could do. He could at least take vengeance for her, even though he knew that Penelope wouldn’t like what he was about to do.

“Hey!” the nurse protested as she more or less jumped out of Derek’s way. She could remember a time when people were using the bell and asking for entrance to the ICU instead of knocking over nurses who were about to exit.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am, FBI.” Hotch explained and flashed his badge as he rushed past her as well.

“What on earth is going on here?” the woman asked angrily as she saw a bunch of other people following the two men. “Dr. House since you’re working this case here this hospital has turned into a nut house.” she mumbled as the crowd rushed past her.

“Believe me, this time it’s not my fault!” he tried to defend himself.

But the nurse just snorted: “You have earned a reputation, doctor.”

It didn’t take Derek long to find the right bed. He opened one door and was about to open the other to pull the lifeless body out of the bed when Hotch grabbed his arm.

“Let go of me!” he snarled through gritted teeth. “I’m gonna kill him!”

“Derek, calm down!” Hotch said in his best boss tone. “This won’t help her!”

“This is all his fault!” Derek yelled and broke free from the hold Hotch had on him. Swearing silently he ran a hand over his face. Of course, he couldn’t kill Lynch. He couldn’t do that to Penelope. But if…
Derek turned around to look at Hotch and added: “If she dies, I’m gonna kill him.”

“Let’s leave him alone.” Hotch said carefully guiding Derek out of the anteroom to the room they’d locked Kevin up in when they’d found out about his disease. As far as he could judge it Kevin Lynch wasn’t very likely to make it anyways. But Hotch also knew that if he made it and Penelope didn’t, Lynch would wish he’d died of the fever.

“Would you mind explaining that to me?!” House asked angrily as Derek and Hotch came back out of the ICU.

“About three weeks ago Kevin Lynch tried to kidnap Penelope from the FBI building.” Reid answered instead knowing too well that, at the moment, Derek just wasn’t in the condition to explain everything that had happened in a helpful way. “On his way out he was shot.”

“He lost a lot of blood.” Derek mumbled and ran a hand over his face. If that bastard had never tried to kidnap her… And if she hadn’t tried to help him… God, she should have just let the goddamn fuckwit bite the dust!

“And I assume your fiancée tried to help him.” House sighed.

“He passed out on his way to… wherever he wanted to take her. She called me.” Derek hit the wall with his fist. “I told her how to stop the bleeding. If I hadn’t…”

Fran put a comforting hand on his son’s arm and gave him a look that told him that no one was thinking that any of this was his fault “ especially not Penelope. Besides they all knew Penelope well enough. Fran didn’t even have to point out that even if she’d known about the disease and the risk of getting infected and even if Derek hadn’t told her how to stop the bleeding she’d tried to save his life anyway.

Derek looked at his mother for a moment drawing comfort from the warm smile she gave him, took a deep breath and added: “When we got there his blood was all over her.”

“And if she had a wound somewhere or got some of the blood into her eyes or her mouth…” House frowned. “Seems we found our patient X.”

“So much for your theory that either Penelope or Derek were cheating on the other.” Fran told him snappishly.

House shrugged her comment off: “Most likely scenario.”

Growling Derek took a threatening step towards House but Reid stepped in his way and asked: “Shouldn’t the next question be where Lynch got infected?”

“So, this guy in there is our patient X.” House frowned summing up what he’d just found out. “He was the one who infected his fiancée.” he pointed his head towards Derek. “And apparently you were all very lucky since all your blood tests came back negative “ especially your son, Mrs. Morgan.”

“What owes me the honor of you remembering my name.” she said sarcastically.

But this time House didn’t throw anything back at her. Instead he just mumbled as if in a trance: “She was infected through contact with his blood. But where did he get infected?”

Everyone was silent for a minute waiting for Dr. House to say something in addition since the look on his face showed that he was processing the new information in his head trying to figure out what to do next.

“Thirteen, you need to check his apartment!” he finally said. “I need to know where he’s been infected with the virus. These two might only be the tip of the ice-berg and I’m so not up for a CCHF pandemic.”

“I can’t just break into his apartment.” the young doctor protested.

“Why not?” House rolled his eyes. “How else do you think we’ll get this information?! Search his stuff, I’m sure he’s got his keys somewhere.”

Thirteen just bit her lip in a silent protest.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he won’t care.” House whispered to her.

“Dr. House!” Emily jumped in. “Tell us what we’re looking for and let us do this job. We’re FBI, we can search the apartment without causing a stir.”

He grinned at her: “I like this lady.”

Emily crossed her arms in front of her chest: “What exactly are we looking for?”

“A hooker with a Congolese passport.” House shrugged.

“But if she’s not coughing up blood, I assume we don’t need to bring her here.” Emily tossed back.

House sighed and admitted defeat “ for the moment. These people were a tough nut to crack! “Look for a passport or flight tickets. Anything that’s telling you if he’d been visiting any of the countries in the distribution area.”

“That would be Middle and South Africa as well as Southeast Europe and the Middle East.” Reid added.
House rolled his eyes again. “Is there anything you don’t know?”

“Hardly.” Hotch, Emily and JJ said in unison.

“I see.” House mumbled. “If there’s no evidence that he’d been out of the country lately look for something he might have imported from there. CCHF is also passed on by ticks which themselves are quite easily transported literally everywhere through luggage and other goods of transit.”

“Wait a minute.” Rossi said as he pulled out his cell phone.

“Hey, you know that you’re not allowed to use that thing in here, right.” House protested pointing at the apparatus in Rossi’s hands.

“I’m sure you’ll allow me to make an exception.” Rossi shrugged as he dialed a number. Only a few seconds later the call was obviously answered and Rossi spoke to the person at the other end of the line: “Chuck, I need you to check something for me. I need to know if someone with the name Kevin Lynch has flown to any country in Africa, Southeast Europe or the Middle East within the past two months.”

They all waited watching as Rossi did the same with his ear on the cell phone. Finally, after what seemed like nearly an hour, the corner of Rossi’s mouth moved upwards slightly. “Thank you, Chuck. I owe you.” before closing his cell.

“We don’t have to waste our energy.” he told the others. “Six weeks ago Lynch returned from a three-week holiday in Turkey.”

“And he certainly got infected there.” House nodded. “How did you get that information so fast?”

“Well, it can be helpful to work with the FBI.” Rossi smirked. “But it can be even more helpful if your brother-in-law works for an airline.”

“We also need to find out who he had contact with since he got infected.” House explained.

JJ sighed: “Let’s hope that he didn’t infect anyone else and that he got infected in Turkey and not here. I mean, if he’s not the patient X…”

“More than fifty people died of CCHF in Turkey since January this year.” Reid tried to calm her. “So it’s very likely that he got infected there.”

“Oh, come on.” House exclaimed. “NO ONE knows that.”

“Wait a minute.” Reid suddenly burst out completely ignoring House’s comment. “The incubation period for CCHF is only up to nine days if he was infected by a tick bite. And for getting infected through contact with contageous blood there’s a documented maximum of the incubation period of thirteen days. Meaning that he must have already felt ill when he kidnapped Penelope.”

“Does that mean he knew that he had a potentially deadly disease?” JJ’s eyes widened.

Derek took another threatening step towards the door of the ICU but was held back by Hotch again who pulled Derek with him. “Come on, there’s someone who needs you right now.”

“He didn’t necessarily know it.” Reid answered JJ’s question. “If he didn’t go to see a doctor or if the doctors didn’t find out what was wrong with him he might have thought that it was just the flu or a bronchitis.”

“We’ll find out.” Rossi grumbled. “If he knew what illness had caused his symptoms this was malicious injury.”
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Chapter 5 by little_profiler
Title: Don’t leave me this way “ part 5
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Sequel to ‘Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking’.
warnings: major angst this time

Derek sighed as he stood outside the glass door to Penelope’s room. He was sure that the good news would be able to lighten her mood, at least to some extent. And it would certainly make it easier for her to endure all this if she knew that the people she loved were all well.

Even so, all that didn’t make it one bit easier for him to have to watch her suffer and cough up blood, or almost suffocate because of the liquid in her lungs. He’d heard that the most dangerous thing about hemorrhagic fevers was that the virus was thinning the blood. That made the patients bleed literally everywhere. Most people just bled to death internally.

He could see a tube leading to her nose, certainly providing her with oxygen. The volume of her lungs was now small enough that the concentration of oxygen in the air just wasn’t enough to keep her from suffocating. A nurse had explained all that to him after the incident a few hours ago.

Hours. Derek felt like it had been months since she’d broken down on their wedding day. But it hadn’t been more than a week. It was one thing having to see her condition getting worse each day. But now it seemed to become worse each hour, hell, even each goddamn second.

How was he supposed to handle this?! He should be strong right now, strong for her, able to comfort her as well as he could. The fact that there was absolutely nothing he could do to help her, to take the pain away, was driving him crazy. What if it got even worse? What if she got to be in even more pain than she already was? What if…

There were just too many what ifs, and Derek didn’t like the probable outcome of any of them. Most of all, he hated this feeling of powerlessness. He was a man of action. He needed to do something to help, not just stand there and watch as the person he held most dear in the world was suffering and maybe even… dying.

He shook this thought off quickly. She couldn’t be dying, not now, not after he finally had the guts to make a move on her and change both their lives for the better. He wasn’t willing to let her go. Not only was he not willing, he also wasn’t able to do so. He needed her too much. He knew he could never survive a single day without her.

Besides, there was so much they had to look forward to. Their wedding, a child, living together. Their time together had only just begun, and it simply couldn’t be over already. This just wasn’t fair. Not to him and not to Penelope, and especially not the their child growing inside of her.

Carefully, Derek opened the door and stepped inside. Penelope was sleeping, and he didn’t want to wake her, because being awake just meant pain for her.

When he stepped closer, he noticed the stand next to her bed. There were two blood bags hanging there to compensate for the loss of blood Penelope had suffered due to the fever. It had to be really bad if they were taking such drastic measures. Derek couldn’t help but wonder what they hadn’t told them about Penelope’s condition.

He slowly sat down on the chair waiting for him right next to her bed; the chair he’d spent most of the past week in. Not knowing what else to do, he soon found himself praying “ at least the best way of praying he could manage. He wasn’t very practiced.

God. It just still didn’t sit right with him to address Him with ‘Dear God’. He wasn’t even sure if he was ready to not feel abandoned by Him anymore, to start believing and praying again “ but calling Him ‘dear’ was too much.

God, I know I don’t talk to you very often. Call me resentful, but I still do have my problems with praying. Nonetheless, I’m addressing you now, and I’m rather sure you know what it’s about, since you’re omniscient and all.

This is not about me. If you don’t think that I deserve to be happy, fine. I understand and I’m gonna except it. But that has nothing to do with Penelope. She doesn’t deserve to suffer as much as she is at the moment. So, please, if you have to take her away from me, find a way that’s less painful for her. Even though if you do, I’m not sure I’m gonna survive it if I lose her.

Quite a while ago, a priest told me that you never give us more than we can handle. Guess what? I can’t handle this.

“Oh, you’re back already,” Derek heard a voice behind him. A voice that had become all too familiar.

“Go away,” was his simple reply. He really wasn’t in the mood.

“Wow, you’re really in a bad mood, huh?” House limped around the bed and leaned against one of the cabinets holding medications.

“What do you want?” Derek felt like yelling at this guy invading their privacy so much, but he didn’t want to wake up Penelope. She needed to rest.

House grimaced. “I’m just checking on my patient.”

“Like hell you are,” Derek grunted. “They told me that you hardly ever talk to patients, let alone their family. Yet you walk in here at least twice a day. Why don’t you just leave us alone, as you do with every other patient?”

House thought about the question for a moment, and let his gaze wander to the sleeping woman in the hospital bed and then back to Derek. “What exactly do you see in her?”

Derek raised his head to look at House and frowned. “Pardon?”

“Seriously,” House insisted, pointing his head towards Penelope, “what is it that keeps you with her?”

“I love her.” Much to Derek’s own surprise, there was no anger in his answer, even though he could have killed House for daring to question his intentions. His voice was calm and full of truth. “Something you don’t seem to understand.”

“I don’t believe in love,” House shrugged.

“Yeah, me neither.” This caught House’s attention. But he didn’t have to press Derek, since he went on, “I never thought I could love someone. I didn’t even believe that this kind of love existed. But I love Penelope more than anything in the world. You ask me why? All I can say is, why not? There’s nothing about her that’s not worth being loved.”

“Don’t you care what people think?” House raised an eyebrow at Derek.

The latter just snorted. “I never cared what people thought about me “ except for what Penelope might think about me.”

“Interesting,” the doctor mumbled.

Derek breathed out audibly. This was really getting annoying. “What exactly do you want?”

“I’ve met a lot of couples over the years,” he replied, and limped around the room a bit. “And when one of them got ill, it usually was about drugs, or cheating, or both. Sooner or later, it always turned out that one of them had taken drugs, causing their condition as an aftereffect, or that one partner had cheated on the other and got infected with some STD.”

“So you’re still trying to find evidence that one of us cheated on the other?” Derek snorted again.

“No,” House assured, “I believe that you didn’t. I’m just wondering why not.”

“Why would I want to cheat on her?” Now Derek really had to gather all his self-control not to yell at the man opposite the bed. “Because that’s what people do, cheat on the one they love? Well, here’s news for you. There are people in the world who are content with their lives and don’t need to try and escape. People who love their partners and are faithful to them without getting anything from them but being loved back. For some people, that’s enough to be happy.”

“So she’s not gonna come into a lot of money shortly?” House teased.

Derek clenched his fists but remained silent. He didn’t want to punch this guy in front of his Baby Girl. Not even when she was asleep. “Why don’t you finally leave us alone?” he snarled through gritted teeth.

“You’re pretty quick-tempered, aren’t you?” House grinned at him.

“What, now am I beating her?”

“No,” House quickly replied, “you’re acting very much differently with her than you do with others. In fact, I haven’t seen you act so tender and caring with anyone but her. That’s… fascinating.”

“What are we to you, some kind of lab rats?” Derek couldn’t stand it anymore, and raised his voice. He quickly looked at the bed, but Penelope still seemed sound asleep.

“Actually, I understand,” House went on, ignoring Derek’s question. “She’s special. What I don’t understand is how you came to realize that.”

Derek’s first intention was to yell at House, ask him what the hell this guy thought he knew about Derek. But he had to admit that it was true. It had taken him too damn long to realize what he had in Penelope “ maybe it had already been too late.

Both men turned their attention to the bed when they heard whooping coming from that direction.

“Hey, beautiful,” Derek smiled and took her hand in his. Once again, he found himself wishing he could take off the stupid mask and kiss her, or at least the gloves so he could touch her.

“Hey,” her husky voice replied, and then she had to cough again. “How are… the others?”

“They’re alright,” Derek told her and squeezed her hand gently. “None of us are infected.”

They didn’t even notice House silently leaving the room. Maybe because that wasn’t like him, or maybe just because they were too engaged with each other.
“That’s… good,” Penelope barely whispered, before drawing in a heavy breath.

“You still have breathing problems?” Derek asked, his voice full of concern. He let the thumb of his gloved hand ran over the back of hers.

“It’s… not that… bad,” she lied and had to cough again. The attacks were getting worse, and certainly more painful.

“We… found out where you got infected,” he told her, mostly to take his own mind off the fact how much she was suffering at the moment.

“Wh… where?” she whispered.

Derek squeezed her hand once again and looked down. “It was Kevin,” he said, and then remained silent for a few moments.

Penelope could see how he clenched his teeth. She could almost feel the anger radiating from his body, and squeezed his hand weakly in an attempt to soothe him. But she also knew that her present condition didn’t make it one bit easier for him.

“He… certainly knew that he had CCHF when he kidnapped you, which makes it a… malicious injury.”

“Derek,” Penelope whispered, which made him look up at her again. “You… have to… promise me something.”

He leaned a bit closer, because it became harder to understand her as it obviously became harder for her to speak. Maybe she shouldn’t talk at all.

“No matter… what happens… don’t hurt… Kevin,” she gasped out.

“Baby…” he tried. He just couldn’t promise what he knew he couldn’t keep.

But Penelope tightened the grip of his hand and insisted, “Promise me… Derek!”

“I’m… really not sure that I can,” he whispered and looked down again.

Penelope tried to raise from the bed a little, and once again demanded, “Promise!”

“Okay,” he nodded reluctantly. He had to admit defeat, because he knew that he would keep that promise “ because he had given it to her. It killed him to know that. He felt like betraying her, even though he knew she wouldn’t want him to take revenge for her.

When she opened her mouth to speak again and drew in another heavy breath, she suddenly felt like her lungs were full of water. She coughed heavily and had to lean forward so she didn’t inhale the blood she was coughing up.

Derek almost panicked at the sight of the blood on the white blanket of her hospital bed, and reached for the alarm knob. “I’ll call a nurse.”

But Penelope held him back. It was already getting better, she could breathe again “ and the last thing she wanted was another one sticking a needle into her lungs just to make her breathing insignificantly easier. “It’s… okay,” she assured him.

“No, it’s not,” Derek whispered, and let himself fall back on the chair. “It’s not.”

Penelope wanted to reach out and stroke his cheek, but then reconsidered it. She knew she still wasn’t allowed to touch him. It was a great concession that he was allowed to be in the same room with her at all.

Derek squeezed her hand again. “I love you so much, Penelope,” he started, and she could hear the tears in his voice, even though he’d been able to hold them back so far. “It’s killing me to watch you suffer and not be able to do anything about it. You know, after you were shot, I made a promise to myself to keep you safe no matter what. I never thought that we’d be fighting an invisible, and obviously unconquerable, enemy. I just… can’t lose you.”

“You will… move on,” she replied, and grimaced in pain as she took another shallow breath. “I… don’t want you… to… stop living… because… of me.”

“My life began when I met you,” Derek told her, and wiped away a tear that ran down his cheek. “I never thought I would fall in love, let alone thought about marrying someone and having a child. I was always careful so I didn’t get one of my flings pregnant. I just didn’t want to bring a child into this world. I… had lost my faith in it, I guess.

“But everything changed when I met you. You changed me. You not only gave me faith that there is more than evil in the world, but that a child can grow up unharmed and loved. I’d never met a person as good-hearted as you before, and I thought that if this world generated someone as good as you, it couldn’t be entirely evil. So tell me, how am I supposed to live without you?”

“You will… learn.”

“But I don’t want to learn that,” he whispered and kissed her hand through the mask he was wearing. If only he could touch her. For some reason, he felt like this would make it all better for them. Her touch had always soothed him.

“I’m… so… sorry, Derek,” her raspy voice said as she closed her eyes for a moment.

Derek’s first intention was to wake her up, but he knew how much she needed to rest. She passed out every once in a while, and it frequently scared the hell out of him, because he knew there was the possibility she wouldn’t wake up again. He got the impression that these sudden sleep attacks were coming at shorter and shorter intervals.

Her eyes opened again and Penelope gave him a weak smile, “I should stop… falling asleep… on you.”

“It’s okay, sweetness,” he assured and stroked the back of her hand again, “as long as you keep waking up again.”

“I’m… so… sorry.” she repeated. “I wanted… to marry you so… badly. I wanted… this child. I’m… sorry, that I… cut us… out of that.”

“That’s not true,” Derek objected, refusing to accept the inevitable truth. “We can still get married, and we will have a whole bunch of children.”

“I… wish I could… kiss you… one last… time,” she rattled.

“Don’t,” Derek almost yelled at her, and another tear ran down his cheek, “don’t talk like that, Baby Girl! You can’t just die on me, you hear me?”

“Tell… the others… that I… will miss them,” she instructed. “Tell them… that I didn’t… suffer! Tell… them that… I… was… not… afraid!”

He closed his eyes for another moment. How could she talk like that “ and how could she be so strong at a moment like this? She wasn’t dying, she couldn’t be. He wouldn’t let her!

“De…rek,” her raspy voice made him look back up at her again. She was so unbelievably pale, her skin almost gray. Her eyes were dark and somehow glassy.

Penelope took in another painful, heavy breath, and painstakingly brought out the next words, “I love… you… so… m…”

Suddenly, there was no movement in her at all. Her body went limp and her eyes just blankly stared into space. She’d stopped breathing.

“Baby Girl?” Derek almost yelled, his voice cracking. “Penelope? Come on, don’t do that to me!” He shook her in a desperate attempt to get a response from her, but there was nothing. “HELP!” he yelled as loudly as he could. “Somebody, HELP ME!”
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Chapter 6 by little_profiler
“What happened?” House wanted to know as he limped back into the room, followed by Thirteen and a nurse who was pushing a waist-high device.

“She… she stopped breathing,” Derek replied as he stepped back from the bed and let the emergency team take over. He didn’t even care about the tears that were running down his cheeks.

This wasn’t happening, it just couldn’t be. It seemed like a dream, his worst nightmare, in fact, and Derek was waiting for someone or something to wake him up. He saw the two doctors and the nurse working on Penelope, but it felt like it could also have been a movie he was watching.

He heard their muffled voices, but he couldn’t understand what they said. Everything seemed so surreal, so far away.

“Hundred cc’s adrenaline!” House yelled at the nurse as he ripped open the hospital gown Penelope was wearing. “Stat!”

Derek’s first impulse was to protest. Penelope wouldn’t like being exposed like that, but he reminded himself they needed to do that in order to save her life.

Thirteen handed the two leads to House and pressed a button on the device the nurse had brought in. The monitor showed a flatline.

The beeping sound of the heart monitor was like torture to Derek’s ears.

“Charge to two hundred!” House instructed. Reaching for the defibrillator paddles, he placed them on Penelope’s chest and called, “Clear!”

There was a gruesome sound, and Penelope’s body twitched, making Derek wince. Apart from that, he saw no reaction to the measures to save his Baby Girl’s life.

Derek couldn’t help but wonder if she felt anything of what the doctors were doing. Was she in pain? Did she feel the electric shocks that were running through her body?

“Again!” House shouted, and Thirteen pressed another button while the nurse put a tube into Penelope’s mouth to provide ventilation.

“Charged!” Thirteen’s voice said. It was almost as emotionless as House’s.

“Clear!”

Again, Derek heard the unbearably gruesome sound.

“Nothing.” Thirteen glanced over at Derek before concentrating on her work again.

Derek felt like something was ripping his heart out of his chest. It was getting hard to breathe, and his knees were getting weak. What if they stopped and pronounced her dead?

Derek knew Penelope wouldn’t want to be kept alive by machines, but he couldn’t let her go. He had to make the doctors try everything imaginable. He found himself praying again; praying Penelope’s heart would start beating.

The strident sound of the heart monitor was grating on his ears. Every time Penelope received an electric shock, there was a movement on the heart monitor. Every time, Derek hoped for a second blip, and the rhythmic beep indicating they had brought his Baby Girl back. Every time, the flat line returned.

“Charge to three hundred!” House ordered, and placed the paddles back on Penelope’s chest.

“Charged.”

“Clear!”

“Nothing.”

“Four hundred!” House demanded, but this time Thirteen didn’t react.

“House, she’s dead,” she just told him.

Derek wanted to yell at them. How could they just give up like that? How could they give up on her?!

He couldn’t make a single sound come out of his mouth.

He hadn’t even really had the chance to say goodbye. Penelope had tried; she’d known what was about to happen, but he had refused to listen. He hadn’t wanted to say goodbye, hadn’t wanted to let her go.

If only he could hold her one more time, see her smile, hear her voice, and tell her how much she meant to him. He didn’t know how to live without her. He’d always pushed this thought as far away as possible, and now? He wasn’t sure he even wanted to carry on now that his life had lost its sense.

“Four hundred!” House yelled at Thirteen.

She shook her head and charged the defibrillator once again. “Charged,” she sighed more than said.

“Come on, Penelope; I know you’re still there,” House mumbled before he yelled, “Clear!”

The sound became too loud to bear anymore. The sight of Penelope’s lifeless body twitching with every electric shock she received made Derek’s stomach twist. They should have been able to revive her by now, if there was any chance.

Suddenly, Derek felt sick. He needed to get out of there.

“Nothing.”

The word echoed in Derek’s mind. He had to get out, now! He simply couldn’t stay and watch. This couldn’t be true. It was merely a nightmare. It had to be. He was going to wake up any second.

This wasn’t true.

He stumbled out of the room, across the corridor and into the rest room. He braced himself on the sink and choked a few times.

When Derek looked up into the mirror, he wasn’t able to stand his own reflection. He should have done something, anything. He wasn’t the kind of guy who just stood by and watched. Not at work, and not at home, either. In a spell of anger, he smashed the mirror with his fist.

Pain shot from his hand through his arm, but it didn’t make him feel better. Usually, physical pain helped lessen the emotional, but this time, it didn’t work. Nothing could ever make this better.

Staring at his reflection in the remaining parts of the mirror, Derek made a decision he knew he would regret. He had made a promise, but he knew he couldn’t keep it. He desperately needed to punch anything “ preferably the scumbag who was responsible for all this.

Lynch had to pay for what he had done, and Derek would make sure he did. Clenching his fists, he kicked the door open and stormed down the corridor.
When he passed the waiting room, he felt the eyes of the team and his family following him. He knew they would ask questions and try to stop him, so he moved faster. He was going to kill that dirty bastard.

“Derek?” Fran called after him. When he didn’t stop nor slow down his speed, she had to run to catch up. “Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna kill him,” he grunted.

Fran quickly stepped into his way to block him from leaving. “What happened?” She didn’t need to ask who he was talking about. There was certainly only one person in this hospital who needed to be protected from Derek’s rage.

He stared at her for a second. He couldn’t say the words, he simply couldn’t get them out of his mouth. If he said them, it became real “ and he didn’t want it to be real.

The rest of the team and Derek’s sisters had stepped into the corridor as well, to see what was going on. Des and Sarah were whispering something secretly.

“Just let me kill him!” Derek yelled as he tried to get past his mother.

“Derek, tell me what happened!” Fran insisted. She had to push her son back so that he couldn’t continue his plan for revenge.

“He killed her!” Derek stared at his mother and ran a hand over his head as he stumbled back against the wall.

“Penelope’s dead,” he whispered, and let himself sink to the floor.

Fran’s jaw dropped, and her eyes filled with tears, but she was able to keep them at bay.

“She… stopped breathing,” Derek told them in a whisper. “They… immediately tried to bring her back, but… she didn’t react to any of their attempts. She was already gone. I… I just couldn’t stand there and watch any longer.”

JJ couldn’t stop the sobs as she turned away from Derek and almost ran back into the waiting room. She didn’t want her friends to see her break down. This couldn’t be true! Penelope had been her best friend for years. She couldn’t be gone, just like that.

Spencer just stood there and stared at the floor in front of him. When JJ rushed past him, she brushed against the sleeve of his shirt. The sudden touch made him look up and watch her for a moment. She was standing at the window in the waiting room, her back slightly shaking.

He saw Hotch step closer and place a hand on her shoulder. Much to Spencer’s surprise, JJ turned around to bury her face in Hotch’s chest.

The whole scene was weird, not real, somehow. Spencer saw the range of emotions on the faces of the people surrounding him, but he didn’t feel anything. He knew he should be sad, or angry, or hurt, but he simply felt empty.

“Come on.” Reid now felt a hand on his own shoulder as Rossi spoke to him. “let’s leave the Morgans alone for a second.”

Spencer agreed silently, and let Rossi guide him back into the waiting room, followed by Emily, who hadn’t shown much of a reaction either.

As they stepped in, JJ let go of Hotch to hug Emily. That was enough to breach the dam, and they both cried openly.

“Are you okay?” Hotch asked as he stepped next to Reid.

The question was strange. Of course he was not okay. If only he knew how he was. “I… don’t know,” the young agent replied honestly. “Are you?”

“No,” Hotch simply replied.

“This is so… surreal,” Reid whispered.

Nodding absentmindedly, Hotch looked through the glass into the corridor and watched Derek for a moment. Derek Morgan was one of the strongest agents he’d ever known; not only physically, but emotionally, too. There had been very few situations where Derek had lost it “ and only one situation where Hotch had ever seen a tear escaping his eye. Now he cried openly, and he didn’t even seem to care who saw.

Whenever a case had gotten too close to Derek and made him fall apart, it had been Penelope who had put the pieces back together. She’d always been there for him, and during the year after she’d been shot, she’d been the center of Derek’s life.

“What now?” Hotch heard Reid ask. For a moment, he wondered if the younger agent had read his mind. Then he noticed Reid was talking about the situation in general.

What now?

For the first time since any of them could remember, even Hotch didn’t have an answer to that question.

Hotch closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose. This wasn’t happening. He’d always thought if he lost a member of his team, it would be during a case; a bullet, maybe, or a stab wound. Killed by an UNSUB while doing their job.

He’d never thought it would be Penelope, who spent most of her working hours in her bunker, safe from the rest of the world.

Battle had proven him wrong about that. Penelope had been in just as much danger as the rest of them. The call that Penelope had been shot had been like a bolt from the blue. This was even worse. Something deep inside him refused to believe it was true. Hotch knew he needed to see her to convince himself.

He’d never given thought to a tropical disease killing one of them. It was almost ridiculous, considering what they had gone through together, what every single one of them had survived, that they’d lost one of them to an enemy they couldn’t see with the naked eye.

Rossi watched the team leader for a moment, almost positive he knew what was on the other man’s mind. His first intention had been to go down the corridor and check on Penelope himself. She was the most vivacious person he’d ever met; there was hardly anything that could really agitate her. There was no way she’d died of a simple virus.

“I just… can’t believe that.” Emily sniffled as she let go of JJ. She took a deep breath in an attempt to collect herself, and wiped the tears from her face. Her eyes fell upon the scene in the corridor, and she had to sniffle again.

“Don’t we… need to call a funeral parlor?” JJ’s voice was barely above a whisper. She followed Emily’s gaze, and the scene outside the waiting room almost ripped her heart out of her chest. She sobbed again.

Derek was sitting on the floor, crying openly for the first time since his father had died.

Fran, who was still fighting her own tears, knelt down and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Des and Sarah joined their mother and brother on the floor. Sarah put an arm around Derek’s shoulders and pulled him into an embrace, resting her head on his. When their father died, it had bound them together, but she wasn’t sure they would be able to help their brother get through this.

“I need to… take care of everything,” Derek whispered. He wasn’t even sure what he needed to take care of, though. What was the first thing he needed to do? Wait for the death certificate? Call the funeral parlor or a priest?

“Don’t worry about that now,” Fran softly said. “We’ll take care of everything that needs to be taken care of. You’re not alone.”

He just nodded. “I don’t even know how to contact her brothers to tell them,” he mumbled. Did they even care? How could they not?

“Maybe we’ll find a phone number when we… go through her things,” Des suggested.

Suddenly, Derek jumped to his feet and wiped off his face. “I have to get back to her,” he mumbled. “I left her alone. How could I… I can’t just leave her alone now.”

“Derek…” Fran tried, even though she knew it was pointless.

“I need to get back,” he repeated as he rushed back in the direction he had come from a few minutes before.

Fran hesitated for a moment, not sure whether her son was ready to admit he needed someone right now. She decided to follow him, nonetheless.

“Maybe we can take care of the funeral parlor and the priest,” Rossi suggested as they watched Derek and his mother disappear at the end of the corridor.

“Maybe…” Hotch mumbled. “First, we should go and… say goodbye.”

All eyes turned to him. Then JJ carefully nodded. “I think I… need to see her.”

A single thought moved through everyone’s mind at that statement. What if? Derek had left before the doctor’s had stopped trying to revive Penelope. Maybe, just maybe, they’d succeeded.

Hotch needed to make sure Penelope was really dead before he could worry about further actions.

“Why don’t we just follow them?” Rossi suggested.

She’s not dead, flashed across Reid’s mind. That was why he didn’t feel anything. It had to be. After all, hope was the last to die. Where does that stupid and completely inappropriate proverb actually come from? he wondered as they began to move as a group.

They remained silent as they walked down the corridor on their way to Penelope’s room, all of them clinging to the hope that they would find a miracle.
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Chapter 7 by little_profiler
Title: Don’t leave me this way “ part 7
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Sequel to ‘Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking’.
warnings: some more angst, I couldn’t help it, but there’s some light at the end of the tunnel

Derek wasn’t sure he was ready for whatever he had to face. Had they covered her? Had they closed her eyes? He’d seen bodies before, even of recently murdered victims. He knew the difference between sleeping and dead, the limpness of a dead body.

Would his mind be able to process that she was dead, and not just sleeping? He’d witnessed this before, even with Hotch and Haley, how relatives held the bodies, sometimes even shook them, hoping that they’d wake up, as unlikely as it was.

They say there are five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. At the moment, Derek wasn’t sure he’d ever get past the denial. This simply couldn’t be happening.

Considering the fact he’d wanted to kill Lynch, he could also be at the stage of anger already. Or maybe he was jumping back and forth between the two stages.

Who cares?!

When Derek turned the corner to Penelope’s room, he saw House coming through the door, and he stopped. Derek wasn’t sure he could really go in there and see her lifeless body. He wasn’t ready to face this. All he wanted to do was run away and hide somewhere until this was over.

Only that it wouldn’t be over, ever.

Derek felt his mother take his hand in hers, squeezing it reassuringly. Taking a deep breath, he stepped closer.

Through the glass doors, he could see Penelope still lying in the bed, now attached to more machines than Derek could count. What were those good for? If she was dead, they wouldn’t need these machines, would they? Hope was clambering through his heart as he turned to House, looking for an answer to his unspoken question.

House breathed out audibly. “We brought her back,” he informed Derek.

A wave of relief washed through Derek’s veins, followed by new worry. The tubes, House’s face… Something was wrong. This wasn’t over yet.

He stared at the doctor, then at his Baby Girl, and finally back at House. He could read the ‘but’ on the other man’s face.

“She’s been dead for almost three minutes,” House went on, “and now she’s in a coma. We can’t be sure whether there is any brain damage, due to the lack of oxygen, or other long-lasting effects. We won’t be able to tell until she wakes up.”

“If she wakes up at all,” Derek added bluntly.

House nodded.

“What are her chances of pulling through?” Derek asked.

“We still have to worry about the CCHF,” House replied, sounding unusually compassionate. “She’s still running a high fever, and it’s possible her heart will stop beating again. We might not be able to bring her back next time.”

Derek nodded. He wasn’t sure how to feel right now; relieved she was still alive? Was she? From the sight of her, it seemed more like she was somewhere between life and death.

“What about… our baby?” Derek carefully asked.

“We can’t tell for sure yet,” House replied. “The ultrasound wasn’t very telling, but in a few days, we should be able to hear the heartbeat.”

If it’s still there.

“What if… What if the baby didn’t make it?” Derek wanted to know.

“We’ll have to remove the embryo then, or it might poison her body,” House explained, “but a surgery like that is a high risk in her condition.”

Derek walked up to the glass door and stared at the bed for a few more moments. He wasn’t sure whether he should be glad or not. Sure, Penelope was still alive. But was she still with him? Silently, he took the mask and gloves that were standing ready outside the door to Penelope’s room and stepped inside.

“You like her,” Fran stated after her son had closed the door to Penelope’s room behind him.

House didn’t answer.

“You really sounded afflicted when you were talking about her condition,” she pressed.

“I just don’t like losing a patient,” he shrugged. “Soils my reputation.”

“What a pity… I was about to believe you were human,” Fran sighed.

House didn’t say anything in return. As much as he liked some teasing, this wasn’t the time, and even he accepted that. They both watched as Derek sat back down next to Penelope’s bed and took her hand in his.

“Hey, Baby Girl,” Derek whispered. “You scared the hell outta me, you know that?!”

There was no noticeable reaction. No tremor of her eyelids or mouth telling him she heard him. Her chest was rising and falling in the steady rhythm the machine dictated.

There were so many tubes and wires attached to her body. A large tube was taped to her mouth, providing her with oxygen. There was another, smaller tube draining the blood from her lungs.

Derek was sure it must feel uncomfortable to be lying there like this. Did she even feel anything? Did she feel how he was taking her hand, squeezing it carefully?

When Derek carefully took her hand in his, he was almost surprised that it was warm. It was warm, but limp. Somehow, that didn’t seem to go together. Of course, he knew that technically she was alive, but somehow he’d expected her hand to be cold. A sign that she wasn’t really alive, but somewhere in between.

Or was she?

Was it just the machines keeping the blood running through her veins, keeping her body functioning? Was she somewhere else already? Was there even a place the soul went after death, or was there just a dark nothing?

“Where are you, Baby Girl?” he whispered more to himself than to her.

There was no way to be sure she was still there. It was possible that she would never wake up. How long would they agree on leaving her alive? A couple of months? A year? Ten years?

How long was he able to cope with this? Would he at all? He couldn’t sit here next to her bed, waiting for her to wake up, hoping for a miracle that may never occur.

Thinking about all the ifs and buts, Derek felt new tears springing to his eyes. This time, he blinked them away. There was no way House would see him cry, especially not when there was still hope.

He would cling to this last bit of hope, and not worry whether Penelope was ever going to wake up again. He wouldn’t worry about the possible aftereffects of the flat lining, either. She was alive. That was all that mattered, for now.

The problem was, he couldn’t stop thinking about all these questions. They were running through his mind over and over and over again, whenever he looked at her figure on the hospital bed or touched her lifeless hand.

He was caught between hope and despair, just as Penelope was caught between life and death. It was unbearable. Whenever he looked at her, it was mainly to check whether she was still breathing and if there was any reaction on her face.

Whenever the heart monitor made a sound other than the steady beep, Derek’s heart almost stopped, fearing it was the announcement of the next flat lining.

This was crazy, surreal, and driving him to desperation. He needed to do something other than sitting here, staring at the heart monitor or at Penelope’s lifeless body. He still wanted to punch anything “ or anyone, but instead, he tried something he really wasn’t good at. It was the only thing he could think of doing at the moment.

“Do you remember the first time we met?” he asked, chuckling to himself. He just needed to talk to her to chase away the unbearable silence, and to stop himself from worrying about the thousand questions in his head; if she was still there, if the baby was all right, and if she was ever going to wake up again.

“When I first saw you, I knew right away that there was something special between us, because I knew you were special, I could see it in your eyes,” he went on. “I’ve never met anyone like you before “ and I’ll certainly never meet anyone like you again. I can’t lose you.”

Derek remained silent for a moment, and watched Penelope’s figure on the bed. He suddenly remembered a theoretic experiment they’d once talked about at school. Something about a cat in a box which was dead and alive at the same time, until someone opened the box to be sure.

Of course, Penelope’s current condition wasn’t comparable to the cat in the box, and yet, for Derek, it felt this way. If it had been his cat in the box, he wasn’t sure he’d dared to open the box and check if the cat was still alive “ because there also was the possibility that the cat was dead.

As torturing as it was not to knew whether Penelope would ever wake up and be healthy again, or if her condition was going to become worse until she eventually died, Derek wasn’t sure he wanted an answer. The answer could mean the end, after all. The end of her life, the end of their time together, and thus the end of his life.

No, he didn’t want to know the answer. He wanted to cling to the last bit of hope that Penelope and the baby were going to make it.

He carefully places his hand on her abdomen, realizing there were more than just two possibilities.

What if Penelope survived, and the baby didn’t? Were they able to deal with that? How was he supposed to tell Penelope when she woke up and maybe didn’t even remember she’d been pregnant?

Derek ran a hand over his face and leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes for a moment. What if the baby survived, and Penelope didn’t?

He wasn’t sure how to deal with that, either. Was he even able to be a single dad? To raise a child? He’d have to quit his job with the BAU, that much was for sure. And then? What if the baby looked like Penelope? Could he deal with seeing her face every day and being reminded of what he had lost?

The child would eventually start asking questions about its mother. How was he supposed to answer any of them? Would he ever be able to talk about her and their time together?

Derek opened his eyes to look at his Baby Girl again. She was still there. For the time being, she was alive, and as long as she was, there was hope. He would worry about everything else when he had to.

He leaned forward again, taking Penelope’s hand in his, and suddenly he felt tears springing to his eyes. Tears of relief? Of despair? He wasn’t sure, and he honestly didn’t care. He blinked them back, knowing that House and his mother were still watching him. He didn’t want to cry now. Not here. He wanted to hope.

“Have you told him the truth?” Fran wanted to know as she saw Derek placing a hand on Penelope’s abdomen.

“Yes,” House nodded. “We can’t be sure if the baby is still alive until we are able to hear a heartbeat. Usually, you can hear the heartbeat of a baby after the twenty-first day of pregnancy, which is in three days. We’ll have to wait until then, maybe even a week, to be sure.”

“What do you think?” she insisted. “Is there a chance that the baby survived?”

House opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted when the rest of the FBI team arrived.

Fran’s face became serious again. “Excuse me,” she mumbled.

He watched her walk over to Penelope’s friends and brief them about the situation. They seemed relieved and worried at the same time, a reaction he’d often seen before.

His eyes wandered back to the figure on the bed. Fran Morgan was right; he’d refused to let Penelope go, not only because he hated to lose a patient, but because she was special. She’d trusted him to heal her, and for some reason, that meant a lot to him. House wondered if she had such an effect on everyone she met. He couldn’t remember a patient having so much people around worrying about them, after all.

“So… what are her chances?” JJ asked quietly.

Fran took a deep breath. “Not that good, apparently. She’s still not healed of the CCHF, and there’s no guarantee she’ll live.”

“How is Derek?” Des asked quietly.

Fran gave her a sad smile. “How would you be?”

“He should get some rest,” Rossi advised. “He looks like he needs a break from all this.”

“As much as I agree with you, I really doubt Derek would listen. Nothing on earth could ever make him leave her side.” Fran sighed as she turned to look at her son. He was sitting next to Penelope’s bed, holding her hand again.

She was going to try it anyway.

The door opened, and Derek’s mother stepped inside. “Shouldn’t you go home and get some rest?” she asked softly.

“I can’t,” Derek replied, without taking his eyes from Penelope. “I can’t leave her alone, not now. Never.”

Fran nodded and comfortingly placed both her hands on her son’s broad shoulders. “Can I get you anything?”

“A book,” he answered.

Fran smiled slightly, very well knowing why Derek had asked for that. “Any preferences?”

“A love novel,” he told her in a low voice. “Penelope likes love novels. Something funny, with a happy ending.”

“Sure,” she nodded, “but you will have to promise me something.”

Now, Derek turned his head into his mother’s direction and raised both his eyebrows.

“You’ll go and have lunch with me every day,” she told him, “and you’ll sleep in a real bed at least twice a week.”

“Mom…”

“No, Derek, that’s not a point of discussion,” she interrupted him. “If Penelope wakes up “ and I pray she will every day “ she’s gonna need you rested and healthy. The last thing she’ll need is having to worry about you.”

He sighed. There was no argument against that, and he knew that.

“Not to mention that if you haven’t eaten and rested enough, you’ll certainly be more prone to the CCHF. It’s enough to have to worry about one of you.”

“It’s all right, Mom, I got your point,” Derek gave in. “I know Penelope wouldn’t want me to stay with her the whole time, that she’d want me to eat properly and get enough sleep. But I also know she’d do the same if I were lying in that bed.”

“I know that, Derek,” Fran softly replied. “I also know that Penelope, too, would have people taking care of her, making sure she also worried about herself, at least a little.”

“Yeah, you’re right about that.” Derek smiled sadly.

“I’ll get you a nice book now,” she promised, softly kissing her son’s temple. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

“I’ll be here.” Derek leaned forward again, taking Penelope’s hand back in his. Where else would he go, anyway?
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Chapter 8 by little_profiler
Five days later:

It was hard to watch them and not being able to do anything for them. Penelope remained unresponsive, and they all knew the longer she was in a coma, the worse her chances were.

They had stopped arguing with Derek that he couldn’t spend the rest of his life waiting next to her, hoping for a sign of life. He wasn’t going to leave her side anytime soon, and they had either accepted it or just given up.

He honestly didn’t care.

Sighing, Derek closed the book and put it aside. He was already on the third novel he’d chosen to read aloud to her, and his throat was starting to become sore. He just wasn’t used to using his voice so much.

Reluctantly, Derek left the room to get himself some water. Since Penelope was still contagious, he still wasn’t allowed to take off the mask or the gloves when he was with her. Every third day, he needed to get his blood tested to make sure he wasn’t infected. Derek was sure once a week would have been enough, but House certainly wanted to tease him a little.

Again, he didn’t care.

If only he could finally get some sign from his Baby Girl that she was still there, still alive… but there was still nothing. Apart from her chest still rising and falling due to the life-support, she hadn’t moved one bit. It was a bad sign that she was still in a coma, he knew that.

“You know, you could really use a shower,” a soft voice behind Derek suddenly said.

Sighing, he threw his plastic cup away and started to argue. “Mom, I…”

“I’m sorry to say that, honey,” Fran quickly interrupted him, “but you’re no longer socially acceptable.”

Smiling sadly, he admitted defeat and headed for the elevators.

“I left you some pasta in the fridge,” Fran called after him.

“Thanks, Mom.” Derek did his best to give her a smile as he stepped into the elevator.

“I expect you to eat it,” she told him in a stern voice. “All of it!”

Derek sighed. He wasn’t sure he was hungry at all. Maybe after he had taken a shower. That usually made him feel better.

But at the moment, there was only one thing that could have made him feel better: the news that Penelope had woken up.

He couldn’t think of anything more depressing than coming home to an empty house. Without Penelope, he couldn’t even think of this as his home anymore.

It hadn’t even been four weeks since Penelope had moved in with him. It hadn’t taken her long to decorate the living room, the hallway, and the kitchen with little tidbits from her apartment; cats, dogs, and elephants made of porcelain or glass, and fluffy animals.

Everything reminded him of what he was about to lose “ or maybe had already lost. There was no way to be sure of that.

Sighing, Derek undressed and got into the shower. It had only been two weeks since the day Penelope had broken down at their wedding. To Derek, it seemed like an eternity. Days seemed like weeks, hours like days. He had lost track of how long she’d already been locked up in that goddamn hospital room, or how long he’d been sitting by her side, watching over her. In the end, it didn’t matter anyway.

How long had it been since she’d slipped into a coma? A few days? A week? Derek couldn’t remember. He’d lost track of time weeks ago.

Had it even been weeks since he’d shared this shower with his Baby Girl? Since they’d spent their first night together right here in their house? To Derek, it felt like it had only been the day before.

It felt like he could smell her, feel her right now. When he closed his eyes, she was with him, as if nothing had ever happened. God, how he missed her. For six years, her laugh had filled his ears every day. He’d loved to see her smile, hear her laugh, flirt with her.

He missed that smile, that laugh now more than he had ever missed anything. He missed her touch, her smell. Everything here reminded him of her, and yet, she was so far away right now. He missed her, even though it seemed like she was all around him “ or maybe because of that.

Stop thinking about her as if she’s already dead!

Five minutes later, Derek picked at the food his mother had left him, while he absentmindedly petted Clooney, who had laid his head into Derek’s lap. The dog whined quietly.

“You miss her, too, don’t you, buddy?” Derek whispered.

Clooney whined an agreement.

Looking down into the overgrown puppy’s eyes, Derek sighed. He tried to study Clooney’s face, much like he used to study the face of the UNSUBs they chased, but couldn’t make much of it.

“They say you have some kind of sixth sense,” he said to his dog. “I don’t know if it’s true, but… What do you think? Are they gonna make it? Pen and the baby?”

Clooney looked right into Derek’s eyes, then waved his tail and barked twice.

Laughing bleakly, Derek petted Clooney’s head. “You have no idea what I’m talking about, but you want to be taken for a walk. I understand.”

It felt good to run again. He’d been sitting around doing nothing way too long. Being out here with Clooney, running until his legs were burning, made him feel better, as it always had. Of course, he knew he couldn’t just run from his worries and fears, but at least he could forget about them for a while.

When he returned home, it was the first time in days that he actually felt hungry. He took another shower before he finished the pasta, leaving only a small portion to Clooney.

“I’m sorry I have to leave you alone again, but I need to go back to our favorite girl,” Derek explained as he put on his jacket.

Clooney barked.

“No, I can’t take you with me.” He sighed as he petted Clooney’s head once again. “Dogs aren’t allowed at the hospital. I promise I’ll say hello to her.”

As if he understood, Clooney sat down next to his place.

“Good boy.” Derek smiled at him. “Mom’s gonna come over and look after you until… until Penelope is better.”

Clooney jumped up, barked twice again, and wagged his tail. Then he spun round.

Frowning, amused, and yet clueless what that behavior was supposed to mean, Derek closed the door behind him.

“You look better.” Fran greeted him with a smile when he got back to the hospital ten minutes later.

“Any news?” He wasn’t even sure he wanted to know the answer. He surely didn’t want to hear any bad news. He wasn’t sure he could take that.

“No,” Fran replied, “but I guess that’s not too bad. I mean, she’s stable.”

Derek opened his mouth to say something, but when he saw House limping around the corner, he just rolled his eyes. “I really don’t wanna talk to this guy right now.” Derek grumbled.

“Don’t worry about him, I’ll keep him at bay,” Fran promised.

Derek mumbled a thank you before he put on the gloves and the mask and went back into the hospital room. He really wasn’t in the mood to deal with House right now.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t go in there,” Fran told House as he reached the glass doors. “You can continue your social experiment later.”

“I’m just watching interactions,” House corrected her. “If it was an experiment, I would intervene.”

“Just leave them alone!” She rolled her eyes and tried to get past him.

“One question,” House told her, keeping her beside him. For some reason, he had yet to figure out he liked talking to Fran Morgan. He enjoyed her presence, even though he would never admit it.

“It wasn’t only because you weren’t willing to give her up,” she answered without waiting for him to ask her. He surely wasn’t going to get to the point anytime soon, anyway. “You treat her different than any other person, even your co-workers. You must like her.”

“They’re my flunkies, not my co-workers,” he corrected her.

Fran shook her head and sighed. “That’s what I meant. Penelope is certainly the only person in this hospital you treat with respect.”

“You sound like Wilson,” House grumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Your lawyer?” she guessed.

“A friend of mine,” he answered.

Fran cocked an eyebrow at him. “You have friends?”

“Touché,” he smirked. “I’m still trying to get rid of him.”

“That sounds more like you.” She nodded, turning her attention back to her son and his fiancée. The scene was heartbreaking.

“I have to admit, she’s special,” House said honestly.

“Because she can see behind the curtain?” Fran guessed. “She sees the good in everything and everyone. That was Derek’s first sentence when he told me about her.”

“There’s nothing good to be seen in me.” House shrugged.

“Just because you’re trying your best to hide it doesn’t mean no one can see it.” Fran pointed her head towards Penelope’s bed. “She saw it, after all.”

“And you did, too?” House turned his head to look at Fran.

“No,” she replied. “I’m still wondering where Penelope saw it.”

He chuckled slightly, but didn’t say anything.

For a moment, they both remained silent, watching Derek talking to Penelope, getting no response of any kind.

“She certainly can’t hear him, you know,” House said after a few minutes of silence.

Fran snorted slightly. “I honestly don’t think he cares.”

“See, that’s what I don’t understand about this whole relationship and love kind of thing,” he replied. “I mean, why waste your time like that?”

“If you love someone, you want to be with them, no matter what.” Fran sighed. Of course, House wouldn’t understand that “ or maybe he just wanted to annoy her.

House snorted at her words. “Love is overrated.”

“Who was she?” Fran asked.

“Pardon?” House frowned at her.

“The woman who broke your heart,” she added. “You said before you don’t believe in love. Now you tell me it’s overrated. You obviously have some profound dislike of couples whatsoever. You think a relationship means one person cheating on the other. This usually means someone broke your heart, and you swore you wouldn’t let it happen again.”

“I thought your son was the profiler,” House grumbled.

Fran shrugged. “It’s a hereditary endowment.”

“You are…” House started, but didn’t seem quite sure how to finish this sentence. For the first time since Fran had met him, he seemed speechless.

“Yes?” she asked innocently.

He smirked at her. “Would you mind going out with me?”

“Yes,” Fran smiled sweetly at him, “I would mind.”

House opened his mouth to shoot back, but was interrupted by Fran’s voice, serious again, every hint of a little playfulness gone. “Just answer me one question, doctor, and don’t lie to me. Do you think Penelope is going to make it?”

“Yes,” he replied without hesitation. “She is strong, and she’s a fighter. She will survive.”

Fran nodded absentmindedly, her eyes wandering back to her son. “What about the baby?” she asked.

There was a long pause, before House answered, “Well, it has both their genes, and they’re both not people who give up easily. The chances, though…”

“Call me if there are any news.” Fran turned to leave, but then turned back to House again. “And leave them alone for a while!”

“Don’t you want to wait for the results?” House held her back.

Fran frowned. “Results of what?”

House pointed down the corridor where Thirteen was walking towards Penelope’s hospital room, pushing a big device in front of her. “Thirteen’s gonna check the baby’s heart sounds. In a few seconds, we’ll be sure whether it’s still alive.”

Fran drew in a deep breath as she watched the young woman sterilizing her hands, putting on the gloves and the mask, and then entering the room.

Derek looked up, and was grateful to see Thirteen and not House stepping into the room.

“How is she?” she asked.

Derek sighed and looked back at the figure of his Baby Girl. “You’re the doctor. You tell me.”

Thirteen gave him a sympathetic smile. Then she carefully pushed up Penelope’s hospital gown. “I’m gonna do an ultrasound and check for the baby’s heart sounds,” she explained.

Derek nodded, squeezing Penelope’s hand.

Taking a deep breath, Thirteen applied the clear gel on Penelope’s abdomen and placed the wand over it. For a few moments, it was dead silent in the room while Thirteen let the wand slide over Penelope’s stomach, trying to find a sound.

There was nothing.

Thirteen frowned and scanned the whole stomach again, slower this time.

Derek’s heart sank. Their baby was dead. Two weeks ago, they hadn’t even known they were going to be parents. Now they weren’t anymore. How was he supposed to tell Penelope once she woke up? Would they ever be able to deal with that?

Derek wasn’t sure he could. What if she didn’t even remember that she’d been pregnant once she woke up?! How was he supposed to explain all that to her?

Even though he’d never thought this would happen, for the first time since Penelope had slipped into a coma, Derek was actually glad she wasn’t awake to witness this.
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Chapter 9 by little_profiler
Title: Don’t leave me this way “ part 9
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Sequel to ‘Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking’.
warnings: some more angst, but also some hope at the end

Derek ran a hand over his face. How was he supposed to tell her their baby hadn’t made it? This was going to kill her, and maybe even their relationship. Was there a chance they would get through this? Would she feel guilty? He did. He hadn’t protected her; he hadn’t protected their child. Tears started to run down his face.

Suddenly, a fast and steady whooshing sound filled the room.

“There you go.” Thirteen smiled, sighing with relief. “Your little one did a pretty good job hiding from me.”

Derek looked at her, tears still streaming down his face. Could it be true? The baby was alive?

“You know, when they’re this small, it can be hard to find the heartbeat.” Thirteen gave him an understanding look. “Your little one seems to like to scare the hell out of us. I bet you’re gonna have much fun with him “ or her.”

“So…” Derek had to swallow to stop his voice from breaking. “The baby…”

“…is alive,” Thirteen finished the sentence for him. “So far, we can’t tell if it’s entirely healthy, but considering the fact the heartbeat is pretty strong and sounds normal, I guess there’s a good chance it is.”

“You hear that, Baby Girl?” Derek whispered, leaning down to kiss her forehead through the fabric of the mask. One minute ago, he’d been glad she wasn’t awake “ now he wished she was. This was the first time an ultrasound was done, the first time they could see a picture of their child, the first time they could hear its heartbeat. They should have been able to share this moment.

“I’m gonna print a picture for you,” Thirteen offered. “You can show it to Penelope once she wakes up.”

“Thank you,” Derek whispered, nodding in agreement. “Can I…” He fished in his pocket, his hands shaking with excitement when he took out his cell phone. “Can I record the heartbeat?”

“Sure.” Thirteen smiled at him and turned the device so that Derek could hold the phone nearer to the speaker.

For a minute, there was only the sound of their baby’s heart beating filling the room, while Derek recorded it on his cell phone. This was crazy. This should be one of the happiest moments in his life, but it was one of the saddest.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy the baby was alive. He also was happy they were expecting a baby at all. For the first time in weeks, he felt like everything was about to get better. He had hope Penelope and the baby would make it; and his heart jumped at the sound of his baby’s heartbeat. But there was no one he could share this moment with.

“Your friends arrived about five minutes ago to check on you two,” Thirteen told him as if she had read his mind.

Derek looked at her, and then nodded, a small smile appearing on his face. Even though there were moments he didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone, he really wasn’t sure how he would survive this without his family and friends.

His mom would like to see the picture and hear the baby’s heartbeat. And JJ and Emily would melt away if he showed them.

“I’ll get another blood sample so we can check whether she’s still contagious.” Thirteen took out a syringe. “Once she’s through the fever, there’s a good chance she’ll wake up soon.”

Yeah, but if she wasn’t healed, there still was a good chance she wasn’t going to make it. Derek sighed. Why did this have to happen to her?! Why not to him? She’d been in so much pain before she’d slipped into the coma “ and there was no way to tell she wasn’t feeling any pain right now.

“Hey,” Fran greeted as she entered the room.

Derek looked up at her and realized that Thirteen had already left. He hadn’t even noticed. “Hey.” He tried to give her a smile.

“I heard there’s some good news.” She stepped closer to hug her son. “I knew your baby was strong.”

“Yeah.” Derek sighed again. He knew he should be glad, and he was, in a way. But there still was the worry about his Baby Girl.

“Come on.” Fran slightly slapped his shoulders. “Get up! Your team is waiting for some news, and I know they’ll like what you have to tell them.”

“Mom, I…” Derek tried to object, but he wasn’t sure how to find words that could explain how he was feeling at the moment. “I really don’t think I want to see anyone right now.”

“What? You have an ultrasound picture to show around, not to mention the baby’s heartbeat you recorded.” Fran winked at him.

“Mom, I’m really not in the mood to talk to anyone,” Derek grumbled. He knew he shouldn’t snap at his mother like that, but sometimes he hated that she still treated him like he was a kid.

Much to his surprise, she didn’t rebuke him for his behavior, but calmly replied, “I understand that, but I can’t let you bury yourself in here to hide from the rest of the world. I understand that you’re scared of losing her, but it won’t get better if you stay in here singing the blues. Even though we can’t be sure whether Penelope will wake up anytime soon, you have some good news to share. So go and share it!”

Derek looked back at Penelope and whispered, “Do you think she’s going to wake up?”

Fran gently placed her hands on her son’s shoulders. “Yes, I do,” she replied. “Penelope’s strong. She’s made it so far, she’ll hang in there. I don’t know how long it’ll take, but I’m sure she’ll wake up eventually.” She hesitated for a moment, before she added, “House also thinks she’s going to make it.”

“Did he say that?” Derek asked, surprised.

Fran chuckled. “Yeah, right after he asked me out.”

Derek jumped up from his chair and spun around to stare at his mother. “He did what?”

Fran giggled softly. “He asked me out.” She shrugged. “What? You don’t think men are still interested in me?”

Derek rolled his eyes. “I know they are. Pete, the butcher, the postman““Mr. Jenkins… Don’t think I missed that you flirt with them. But House?! You… You blew him off, right?”

“Of course I did.” Fran slapped his chest. “What do you think of me?”

Suddenly, Derek grinned. “Penelope’s gonna love this.”

“Don’t you dare tell her!” Fran threatened.

“That will be the first thing I tell her when she wakes up.” Derek grinned.

A warm smile appeared on Fran’s face. “See, that’s the right mindset. Now, go and show the ultrasound picture around. Sarah and Des are going to freak about it.”

Derek’s eyes became darker again as he turned back to Penelope. “I don’t know.”

“Go,” Fran told him. “I’ll stay here with her and tell her some stories from your childhood.”

Derek chuckled slightly. “Do you think she can hear us?”

“I’m sure she can,” Fran replied without hesitation. “And she’ll surely kick your butt for doubting that she’s gonna make it.”

“Thank you.” Derek smiled and hugged his mother on his way out of the room.

As she’d told him, he found his sisters and the rest of the team in the waiting room, everyone on the edge of their seats.

“Any news?” JJ and Sarah asked simultaneously.

“Not on Penelope,” Derek sighed. “She’s still in a coma. Right now, they’re testing her blood to see if she’s still contagious.”

JJ took a deep breath. “If… if she’s healthy, there is a good chance she’ll wake up soon, right?” She looked at Derek, then at Reid, expecting the latter to know the statistics.

“Well, I… I don’t know the actual statistics, but I’m sure there’s a good chance she will,” Reid stuttered. He didn’t think it was a good idea to tell them there were no accurate statistics and that no one could be sure when “ of if “ Penelope would wake up.

“I… just got something I wanted to show you.” Derek handed JJ the ultrasound picture.

As his mother had predicted, his two sisters squeed at the picture. JJ and Emily were over excited, too. There was a lot of awing, and they were all smiling, looking at the picture in their hands. Derek couldn’t help but smile himself.

“How are you feeling?” Hotch asked quietly.

Derek hadn’t even noticed how the other man had separated from the others and stepped beside him. “I’m not important right now,” Derek replied.

“I’m the leader of this team,” Hotch told him. “It’s my job to care about all my agents.”

Derek sighed. “I honestly don’t know how I am. I just… I’ve been so worried about Penelope and the baby that I forgot to ask myself how I am feeling. I guess it really isn’t important.”

“Of course it is,” Hotch objected. “Garcia will need you fit and healthy once she wakes up. You should take better care of yourself.”

“What if she doesn’t wake up?” Derek whispered. “How do you… how do you manage to raise Jack without Haley?”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Hotch put him off. “Not right now, anyway. If Garcia doesn’t make it “ and if I know her, I’m sure she will “ we can have that conversation.”

“How can everyone be so sure that she’ll survive?” Derek asked.

Smiling warmly, Hotch put a hand on his agent’s back. “Because that’s what helps us deal with the situation. We are all afraid that she will never wake up, but we want to believe she will. So we tell ourselves that everything is going to be all right “ and that if it isn’t, we can still start to worry.”

Derek nodded. Of course, it wasn’t helping anyone to be pessimistic, least of all him. But he was so afraid to lose her that he couldn’t think about anything else.

“You know that there are no statistics to tell you how likely it is for her to wake up.” Hotch led him a few feet away so the others didn’t hear what he was saying. “You also know that there is a fifty percent chance she’ll survive the CCHF. She’s made it so far. She’s strong, and she’s a fighter. She proved that before.

“I know that it gets harder each day. I know the longer she is in the coma, the less her chances are of waking up. I also know that there’ve been people waking up after more than ten years in a coma. So I believe you shouldn’t give up hope.”

“I know I shouldn’t,” Derek sighed. “But I honestly don’t know how not to give up hope. This is… just too much sometimes. She suffered so much, she was in so much pain, and now…”

“Now you should think about the future.” Hotch tilted his head to the others, who were still awing about the ultrasound picture.

Derek smiled at the sight in front of them. “Did you know that House asked my mom out?”

Hotch stared at him in disbelief. “You’re kidding me.”

“No, she told me herself,” Derek assured him. “She blew him off, of course.”

“Are you sure she’ll like the fact that you’re telling me this?”

Derek shrugged. “She just told me not to tell Penelope when she wakes up.”

“I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean you were allowed to tell us instead.” Hotch couldn’t help but grin at the image of Fran Morgan being asked out by House, of all people.

“I know, I just felt I had to tell someone to be able to believe it myself.” Derek chuckled. “I mean, this guy is hitting on my mother.”

“She’s an attractive woman,” Hotch said, shrugging.

Derek rolled his eyes. “I know that, but… come on, how can he possibly believe that she would go out with him?!”

“He seems to be a narcissist,” Hotch diagnosed. “Or he knew very well your mother would blow him off, and he’s a masochist. Or both.”

“Or maybe he just wanted to piss me off some more,” Derek grumbled.

The corner of Hotch’s mouth went up slightly as he put a hand on Derek’s back to lead him back inside.

“It’s so cute,” Sarah hugged her brother exuberantly. “You really did a great job.”

“To be honest,” Reid mumbled, “I can’t even tell for sure which dot on the picture could be a fetus.”
Sarah rolled her eyes, while JJ and Emily just giggled.

“It’s not what you can or cannot see,” Rossi tried to explain. “It’s what you know is there.”

“Maybe this is more for you.” Derek grinned, fished his cell phone out of his pocket, and played the heart sounds of the baby he’d recorded to them.

For a few seconds, it was dead silent in the room, except for the gentle whooshing sound coming out of Derek’s cell phone.

The girls were awing again. “Play it again!” JJ demanded.

“I didn’t know you could hear the baby’s heart sound when it’s that little.” Reid’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“You didn’t know?” JJ and Emily said simultaneously, and then burst out laughing.

Derek just chuckled, something he hadn’t felt like doing in a couple of weeks. Suddenly, he realized that his mother was right. He had wanted to hide from the rest of the world, knowing that Penelope was the only person who could really make him feel better; but his friends could help him get through this. They hadn’t given up hope, and he shouldn’t, either.

“So, will you play it again, please?” JJ begged.

Grinning, Derek hit a few keys on his phone, and the whooshing sound could be heard again, followed by loud awing from the girls.

The rather peaceful moment was interrupted by Thirteen entering the room. She smiled at the expectant faces staring at her. It was silent in the room again. Sometimes, Thirteen hated that she always had that effect on people, but that came with her profession.

Derek felt a lump in his throat. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. Otherwise Thirteen wouldn’t have come here; she’d have waited for him to go back to Penelope’s room.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you,” Thirteen apologized. “I just got the test results back from Penelope’s blood test and wanted to inform you immediately.”

Immediately… That meant it was really bad. Had she developed another disease going with the hemorrhagic fever or her weakened immune system? What else could they have discovered from taking a blood sample?

“I thought you’d like to hear some more good news as soon as possible.” Thirteen smiled brightly at Derek.

More good news? What did that mean?

“There is no evidence of the CCHF in her blood anymore,” Thirteen informed them. “She made it through the disease.”

Everyone in the room sighed with relief.

“That means… she’ll wake up soon, right?” JJ asked, carefully.

Thirteen frowned slightly. “We can’t tell when Penelope will wake up. We reanimated her for more than five minutes, and it’s likely her brain didn’t get a sufficient oxygen supply during that time. We can’t be sure how much damage was done during that time.”

“Damage?” Sarah asked, appalled. “You mean damage to her brain? So she might be… mentally handicapped or something?”

Thirteen gave them an inscrutable smile. “We’ll see when she wakes up.”
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Chapter 10 by little_profiler
Three months later:

“So, I see you’re still here,” House said as he limped into the room.

Derek sighed. He wasn’t going to give up, was he?! “Don’t even think about going there again! I’m not in the mood.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” House assured him, shrugging, and leaned against a nearby locker. “It was a mere statement.”

“What do you want?” Derek asked, not even trying to hide his annoyance.

“I just wanted to check on my patient.” House leaned closer to Penelope. “I see there’s still no change.”

“You never check on any patients,” Derek snorted. “You’re just here to annoy me. I wonder why.”

“You’re the profiler,” House grinned at him. “You tell me.”

“You really want to know what I’m thinking?!” Derek leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms in front of his chest, and eyed the other man. “You just can’t stand the fact that there are people happier than you are. People who found someone who’s important enough to them to give up their lives just for this one person.

“You don’t grant anyone what you can’t have. Someone you love and someone who loves you, with no strings attached. It’s satisfying for you to see relationships break apart, because you’re unable to keep up any yourself. That’s why you keep coming here. You hope that I’ll give up one day and leave Penelope alone. But that’s not gonna happen.”

“Ah, wrong!” House rolled his eyes. “You might be right about the part where I like to see other peoples’ lives breaking apart because it makes me feel better. But I’m here because of Penelope. I don’t care if you’re here or not.”

“Yeah, sure,” Derek snorted again, turning his attention back to his Baby Girl.

“Have there been any signs that her condition has changed?” House asked, his voice softer now.

Derek frowned at him. Sometimes he got the feeling that House really seemed to care about Penelope, as unlikely as it seemed. “No,” he sighed, looking back at her again. “She hasn’t stirred, not even to move a single muscle.”

“She will eventually wake up,” House stated.

“My mom already told me you were sure about this.” Derek frowned at him. “I wonder how you know that.”

“I’m a doctor,” House said with a shrug. “I know everything.”

“Oh, do you? So tell me, when will she wake up? Will there be any damages, or will she be all right?” Derek snarled at him. “Tell me, oh omniscient doctor!”

“Okay, okay.” House defensively raised his hands. “I might not know everything. But I know that Penelope is strong, and she’s a fighter. She’s breathing on her own, and she overcame the CCHF. She will wake up.”

Derek just nodded and turned his attention back to Penelope once more. If only House was right! He couldn’t stand sitting here, not being able to do anything to change his Baby Girl’s condition any longer.

“Why do you love her so much?” House asked.

Derek turned to stare at him. “What?” he snorted. How could someone not love Penelope?!

“I posed the question wrong,” House mumbled. “What do you love most about her?”

Derek sighed. “Why the hell do you think we’re your business?”

“Because you are.” House shrugged. “I mean, at least Penelope is. I’m just curious.”

“You don’t say,” Derek grumbled.

“That’s certainly why I became a doctor.” House moved a chair closer to Penelope’s bed and sat down. “You know, I love to get to the bottom of things “ diseases, mostly. But every once in a while, I get curious about people, too.”

Derek knew he would regret it, but even though it was House talking to him, he was grateful about the change in his daily routine. He’d been sitting here for three months, after all, day by day. The others had gone back to work and were only stopping by for a few minutes a day. Derek’s throat was sore from reading and talking to Penelope “ and his mind was sore from getting no response.

“You want to know why I love her?” Derek asked with a sigh. “Because she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t think of a single reason not to love her. She knows me better than anyone else, and still she loves me unconditionally. Is that enough reasons for you?”

“It’s just that… men like you usually don’t fall for women like her,” House replied with a shrug. “That’s why I asked.”

Derek just snorted. “You don’t know anything about me,” he mumbled, turning back to Penelope.

“You’re good-looking and smart, with a steady job, certainly a good income. You’re charming, and you’re a womanizer. Every nurse in this building has fallen for you already.” House looked at Derek, who pretended to ignore him, but from the look on the agent’s face, he could tell that he was right. “So, I guess you could have any woman. I was just wondering…”

“Listen!” Derek harshly interrupted him. “I don’t care if you were disappointed by life or by a woman you loved. I don’t care if you’re disabled and in constant pain. If you don’t stop annoying me with your wannabe psychology, I’m gonna kick your ass out of here, understood?!”

House defensively raised his hands, grinning inwardly. “Hey, I was just trying to make some small talk. If you’re not in the mood, just tell me, and I’ll…”

He was interrupted by Derek, who in a sudden movement, turned his head towards Penelope, staring at where his hand held hers.

“What?” House asked, leaning forward.

“She… She squeezed my hand,” Derek replied almost voicelessly.

House frowned, and then took a look at the machines monitoring her vital signs. There didn’t seem to be any change in her condition. “Are you sure?”

“I don’t imagine things,” Derek snarled. “I know what I felt.”

“Okay, maybe you really felt something,” House granted him. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s…”

“Look!” Derek interrupted him, pointing at Penelope’s hand. “She’s moving.”

Again, House leaned closer to take a look at Penelope’s hand. There was a slight movement, almost as if it was shaking. “This doesn’t have to mean anything, I’m sorry,” House mumbled to Derek.

“But… she’s moving,” Derek objected. This had to mean something. For months, he’d been sitting here by her side, and Penelope hadn’t moved a single muscle in her body. This had to mean something.

“Movement is a transmission of electro-chemical signals that can basically be caused by anything,” House tried to explain. “It could mean something, but it doesn’t have to.”

Derek took a deep breath. He knew what he had seen, and he knew this meant something, but he really wasn’t in the mood to argue with House at the moment. The doctor was convinced that Penelope would eventually wake up; he’d said it himself. She was about to wake up. Derek knew it.

House opened Penelope’s eyes and checked the reaction of her pupils to his flashlight. Frowning, he turned to the monitors again. “There’s no significant change in her condition,” he stated.

“She moved,” Derek insisted.

“Yes, I believe she did,” House said, sighing. “But like I said, it doesn’t necessarily mean any…”

A sudden sound coming from Penelope stopped him mid-sentence. House and Derek both turned to Penelope, staring at her in expectation.

She moved again, moaning slightly, as if she was in pain. Then, there was nothing.

House frowned, and then suddenly turned around and limped out of the door.

“Hey, where’re you going?” Derek yelled after him.

“Getting Thirteen,” House replied, his voice sounding stressed now.

Derek turned back to Penelope, clutching her hand. “Baby Girl?” he whispered into her ear. “I know you can hear me. I need you to wake up, okay? Come back to me!”

The door swung open, and House and Thirteen stepped in. “She’s waking up.”

Derek grimaced. “Weren’t you the one saying there was no significant change in her condition?”

“Yeah, well, now there is,” House snapped back at him.

Thirteen stepped closer to the bed. “Penelope, can you hear me?”

She moved her head, but her eyes remained close. Moaning again, she tossed and turned, as if she was having a nightmare.

“Is she in pain?” Derek asked, worriedly.

“There’s no way to be sure until she entirely wakes up,” Thirteen said, giving him a somewhat helpless smile. “We can’t give her anything yet.”

“Baby Girl,” Derek softly spoke to her. “I need you to wake up now, you hear me?”

She moved again. Her eyes fluttered open for a moment, but she squeezed them shut again.

“There you go,” Derek encouraged her, smiling. “Open those beautiful eyes for me, goddess!”

She opened her eyes again, but she seemed to be unable to fix her gaze on anyone or anything.

“Baby,” Derek tried to call her. “Look at me, sweetness!”

Her eyes wandered through the room, to Thirteen and House, before they finally came to rest on Derek.

“Hey.” He smiled at her, his hand softly stroking her hair. “You know who I am?”

She nodded and opened her mouth to croak something that faintly reminded him of his name.

“Yeah, that’s my girl,” Derek said. “Do you know where you are?”

She let her eyes wander around the room again. “Ho… sp… pi…tal,” she guessed.

Derek nodded. “And do you remember how you got here?”

Penelope shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment. “S… So… t… tired.”

“It’s okay, Baby Girl,” Derek assured her. “Just go back to sleep.”

“The speaking problems are normal after such a long time in coma,” Thirteen explained, smiling at Derek. “It’s a good sign that she remembers your name.”

“I need to call my family and the team and tell them that Penelope woke up.” Derek ran a hand over his face. He wasn’t sure if he was really glad. They still couldn’t be sure there weren’t any long-term effects resulting from the coma.

“We already called them,” Thirteen told him. “They’ll be here tomorrow. Within the next few hours, Penelope will certainly alternate between sleeping and being awake. The periods where she’s awake will become longer, but it takes some time. Tomorrow, we’ll run a few tests to see if there was any damage caused by the lack of oxygen she suffered from.”

“Tomorrow,” Derek repeated. That was a long wait.

“As I said, the fact that she remembers your name is a good sign,” Thirteen assured him, giving him a reassuring smile.

It was the first night Derek was unable to get any sleep since the day Penelope had slipped into the coma. Thirteen had been right; she was frequently waking up from an otherwise pretty restless sleep.

Mostly, she was awake for only a few seconds, sometimes a minute. But a few times, she was awake for almost five minutes. Nonetheless, it was hard for her to talk. She had problems forming understandable words, let alone coherent sentences. It was obvious that she knew what she wanted to say, but somewhere between her brain and her mouth, something went wrong, and she just couldn’t get the words out of her mouth.

It was frustrating, especially since he could see how Penelope was starting to get frustrated. But it certainly was a good sign that the problem didn’t seem to be that she didn’t know better.

“M… Mor… ning,” a voice from the bed interrupted Derek’s thoughts.

“Hey, girl,” he greeted, leaning closer to her to give her his best reassuring smile. “How are you feeling today?”

“B… Bet… ter,” she stuttered.

A cautious knock on the door caught their attention. A second later, Thirteen stepped in, smiling at both of them. “It’s time for a few tests,” she told Penelope. “It’s just routine after you spend such a long time in a coma.”

Penelope nodded.

Thirteen started with her tactile sense, testing if Penelope could feel her touch and move her arms and legs properly. Everything seemed to be fine.

“All right, that’s good.” Thirteen smiled at her. “Now, I’m gonna test your memory, okay?”

Again, Penelope nodded as an answer.

“I know, it’s still hard for you to speak, but that’s okay; it’ll come back, believe me.” Thirteen stepped closer to the heads of Penelope’s bed. “I’ll keep the answers as short and simple as possible,” she promised, and then turned to Derek. “I’m gonna need your help with a few questions.”

“Okay,” he agreed, his voice sounding tense.

“Penelope, can you tell me your full name, please?”

“P… Penelope… G… Garcia,” she whispered.

Smiling, Thirteen tallied something on her list. “Do you know your date of birth?”

“July 7, 1977,” she replied, clipped.

“Okay, can you tell me about your parents or where you grew up?” Thirteen wanted to know.

“California,” she replied, swallowing hard. She smiled thankfully when Derek handed her a glass of water. “My dad died when I was a kid. My stepdad and my mom were hippies. I had four brothers”stepbrothers. We never were really close.”

Thirteen looked at Derek, who just nodded slightly. “Good,” she said, smiling at Penelope. “Your long-term memory doesn’t seem to be affected. What is the last thing you remember?”

“That’s… hard to tell.” Penelope sighed. She wasn’t sure what really was the last thing she could remember.

A knock on the door interrupted them.

Thirteen turned around, to find Derek’s and Penelope’s colleagues outside the door. Smiling, she turned back at Penelope. “We can continue the tests later. Do you feel strong enough for some visitors?”

“Sure,” Penelope assured her.

“All right, I’ll tell the first two of them to come in.” She turned to Derek. “Make sure they don’t stay too long.”

“Let them all in,” Penelope croaked, trying to sit up a little.

Frowning at her in concern, Derek asked, “Are you sure?”

“They’re my friends.” She rolled her eyes at him. “I can handle them.”

“Okay,” Thirteen agreed, and opened the door for Penelope’s co-workers. “Just don’t overdo it!”

“Hey,” JJ said softly, tears filling her eyes, and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “You scared the hell out of us, you know that?”

“Sorry,” Penelope whispered.

“We’re glad you’re on the road to recovery.” Hotch, too, stepped closer and leaned down to peck her cheek.

“Wow,” she croaked. “It must have been really bad.”

Her team-mates chuckled slightly.

“God, how we missed you,” Emily said, smiling at Penelope.

“Only my sense of humor?” she pouted.

“And a lot of other things,” Derek assured her, gently stroking her cheek. “But especially the way you make us feel better.”

“Not to mention your computer skills,” Rossi added, smirking.

Penelope gave him an insecure smile. Then she looked at Derek, seeking help.

“Are you okay?” he asked, appalled by the look on her face.

She bit her lip, and then turned back to Rossi. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, “but… Do I know you?”
Back to index
Chapter 11 by little_profiler
“You don’t remember Rossi?” Derek asked, trying to keep the worry out of his voice.

Penelope looked at him, searching for help, and slowly shook her head. “What… happened to me?” she asked.

“You passed out,” JJ softly replied. “At your…”

“At a wedding,” Fran quickly jumped in, interrupting JJ. She didn’t know much about amnesia, but it certainly wasn’t the best thing to tell Penelope that she had been about to get married when all this had happened.

Penelope turned to Derek again.

“That’s my mom,” he explained. Of course if Penelope didn’t remember Rossi, she wouldn’t remember his mother or sisters, either. “You met her at the wedding.”

“I… I spoiled it, right?” she asked huskily.

“Don’t worry, sweetness.” Derek smiled at her, taking her hand and gently rubbing its back with his thumb. “The wedding will take place once you’re fully recovered.”

“Was it… your wedding?” she questioned.
Everyone in the room looked at each other, not knowing how to answer that question.

But Derek just smiled at her. “Stop worrying, Baby Girl. I promise, you didn’t ruin anything for anyone. This wasn’t your fault “ and the most important thing is that you’re about to get better. That’s all that really matters.”

“But… How… What…?” she stuttered.

Sighing, Derek pulled his chair closer to Penelope’s bed and sat down. Taking her hand again, he let his head sink.

Penelope carefully squeezed his hand, trying to encourage him to tell her what had happened to make her end up here in a hospital bed with some major gaps in her memory. Why wasn’t he just telling her what had happened? Did he really think she couldn’t take it?

Or was he mad at her? If his mother was here, it had certainly been his wedding “ and she had spoiled it by passing out. He must be mad at her. Why else didn’t he talk to her and tell her what was going on?!
She should just ask him. Maybe then he would finally talk to her. “Are you… mad at me?” she asked quietly.

Derek’s head shot up, and he stared at her, a questioning look on his face. “No, sweetness. Of course not. Why would I be mad at you?”

“Why… aren’t you talking to me?” She frowned at him and swallowed hard. It was still difficult to speak. Her throat was sore.

Derek handed her a glass of water and helped her take a sip. “I just… don’t know how to explain everything to you,” he mumbled contritely.

“Don’t baby me!” She gave him a somewhat angry look. “I have a right to know what happened to me.”

Sighing once more, Derek gave in. “Okay, I… I’m not sure where to start.”

“Start with Lynch,” Hotch recommended.

Derek nodded and took a deep breath. “There was this guy working at the bureau,” he explained. “His name was Kevin Lynch.”

Penelope frowned. “Doesn’t sound familiar.”

“He was interested in you.” Derek couldn’t help but clench his fist, hoping that Penelope didn’t notice. “You blew him off, but apparently, he wasn’t willing to take no for an answer. About four months ago, he tried to kidnap you.”

“Tried?” she repeated.

“He was almost successful,” Derek admitted, running a hand over his face. “But Richard, the security guy, noticed that something was wrong and managed to shoot Lynch. He was pretty badly hurt, but still he tried to run and take you with him.”

“Richard?” Penelope asked.

“You remember him?” Derek raised both his eyebrows at her.

“He’s been working with the bureau for almost six years now,” Hotch told him.

“Oh,” was all Derek mumbled. He’d hoped that she at least remembered something from the past three years. “Well, Richard was shot, too, but he’s fine. He was really lucky.”

“And Lynch?” she pressed him.

Derek smiled at her. That was his Baby Girl, always worrying about everyone else.

“You saved his life,” Derek told her. “He lost quite a lot of blood, and at some point, he passed out. You called us so that we could find you “ and meanwhile, you tried to staunch the flow of blood.”

This time, she just nodded, waiting for Derek to continue.

“He survived,” he said, and then sighed. “But… apparently he was infected with a disease called CCHF “ Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever. It’s similar to Ebola.”

“And… I got infected?” Penelope guessed.

Derek nodded, stroking her hand with his thumb again.

“It was… pretty bad, huh?” She didn’t even need to ask; she could see the answer all over his face. It was touching that he still cared so much about her.

“We came close to losing you,” he replied. “Really close. You… Your heart stopped beating, and… the doctors almost weren’t able to bring you back. After that, you slipped into a coma.”

“And… how long… have I been unconscious?” Considering the fact that she had some major trouble articulating herself, it must have been quite a long time.

“About three months,” Derek told her. “After you slipped into the coma, it took quite a while until you had overcome the CCHF.”

“And Lynch?” she asked again. “Did he survive?”

Derek shook his head. “He died about two weeks ago. Apparently, the blood loss from the gunshot wound and the CCHF were too much for his body to deal with.”

“Did he know that… he was ill, when he… attacked me?” Her voice sounded unfamiliar in her ears, reminding her of an old woman. Her throat was sore again.

Once again, Derek handed her a glass of water without even being asked for it.

“We believe that he must have had developed the first symptoms by then,” he told her. “So he probably knew that he was infected. Maybe he even knew about the CCHF. If he hadn’t died beforehand, we would have charged him with malicious injury.”

“Did I… infect anyone else?” If she’d been infected by Lynch, it had to be pretty contagious.

“No,” Derek assured her, smiling at her. “Don’t worry, Baby Girl, you didn’t infect anybody. We all got tested several times to make sure we were okay.”

“Several… times?” She frowned at him in confusion.

“Those of us who kept having close contact with you needed to get tested regularly,” JJ explained, winking at Derek. “Derek had to donate quite a bit of blood during the past few months.”

Frowning again, Penelope asked, “Have you stayed here the whole time?” Certainly not. He surely had much better things to do than babysit her day after day for three months.

“Well, I…” he stuttered, giving JJ a death glare. “I couldn’t just leave you alone in here.” Besides, I didn’t know where else to go.

Penelope wasn’t sure what to say in return. She couldn’t believe Derek would really stay with her for months, waiting for her to wake up. Why would he do that?! Did she really mean that much to him?!

So, apparently it hadn’t been his wedding. Otherwise, he would surely have rather spent the past months with his future bride than with her, right?! But what was his mother doing here?

Someone opened the door, interrupting Penelope’s musings about what it meant that Derek hadn’t left her side within the past months, even putting himself on the risk of getting infected with the CCHF. A man limped inside the room.

“Thirteen told me you were doing much better than we expected,” he said to Penelope, coming to a halt right beside her bed.

“But apparently she doesn’t remember the past three years,” Derek told him, before House could add anything, “meaning she also doesn’t remember you.”

“And I really thought I was unforgettable,” House mumbled.

Once again, Penelope turned to Derek, searching for help.

“This is Dr. House,” Derek told her with a sigh. “Believe it or not, he’s a doctor.”

“Don’t forget to mention that I was the one who found out it was CCHF, and I saved her life when she was about to bite the dust,” House added sulkily.

“Yeah, and his social manners leave a lot to be desired,” Derek grumbled.

“Penelope likes me,” House said, triumphantly. Then he admitted, “Well, she did before she forgot all about it.”

“Because she finds the good side in everyone, no matter how well they can hide it,” Derek snarled through gritted teeth.

“How did you two manage not to kill each other during the past three months?” Penelope managed to ask with difficulty, making everyone laugh slightly.

“So, you have gaps in your memory?” House turned to Penelope, all serious again.

She just nodded.

“I know it’s still hard for you to speak, but can you tell me everything you remember?” House asked in an unusually soft voice.

Penelope swallowed again, and gratefully accepted the water Derek immediately offered. “I… remember I grew up in California,” she started. It became more and more difficult to speak, but she tried her best. “My parents died when I was eighteen.”

“Do you have any siblings?” House asked.

Penelope nodded. “I have four brothers. Step-brothers. My step-dad brought them to the family.”

“So your parents were divorced?” House pressed her, trying to find out if there were any gaps in her memory further back than three years.

“Never married,” Penelope replied. Then there was a long pause before she could speak again. “My mother was pretty young when I was born.”

“How old exactly?” he wanted to know.

“Twenty-one,” Penelope told him. “She and my dad met at a party, but never heard from each other again.”

“When did your mother marry your step-father?”

“When I was eight.” Penelope closed her eyes for a moment.

“Would you stop that?” Derek snarled at House. “She’s exhausted.”

Penelope placed her hand on his arm to gain his attention. “It’s okay,” she assured him.

“Why did you leave California after your parents died?”

Derek took a deep breath. This was like an interrogation.

“I never got along that well with my step-brothers,” she whispered.

House frowned. “But you got along with your step-father?”

Penelope just nodded.

“Did you ever see your biological father?” he asked.

This time, she shook her head.

House thought about this for a second. Apparently, she remembered her past pretty well. “What did you do afterwards?”

“Went underground,” she said. “Taught myself code and hacked computers, till the FBI hired me to work for them.”

Nodding more to himself than to Penelope, House rubbed his chin. “One last question,” he promised, before posing it. “How did you meet Derek?”

Penelope smiled at the memory. “At the bureau. I was new, and he didn’t know my name, so he called me Baby Girl to get my attention. He still calls me that.”

Frowning once more, House turned to Derek. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“What’s wrong?” Penelope asked, appalled.

“Don’t worry, sweetness,” Derek tried to calm her. “We just have to sort something out.”

“Don’t kill him,” she begged, her voice rasping.

Derek smiled and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “I’ll be right back,” he promised.

“Try to get some sleep,” JJ commanded, kissing Penelope’s cheek. “See you tomorrow.”

The rest of Penelope’s visitors bowed out, as well.

She didn’t really feel like sleeping. She hadn’t even noticed that she was exhausted. But when the door was closed, her eyes fell shut and she even forgot about worrying what House might want to tell Derek in private.

“What happened three years ago?” House asked after he had closed the door to Penelope’s room.

Derek frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

“Apparently, she can remember everything that happened before that time perfectly well,” House replied. “That means something happened three years ago. Something her subconscious might want to forget. That’s why it suppressed the memory of it. Something traumatic. Does that ring a bell?”

Sighing, Derek ran a hand over his face and leaned against the wall. “There was this guy,” he said, his voice strained. “He asked her out to get to her, and at the end of the evening, he shot her. She almost didn’t make it.”

“I count that as traumatic,” House mumbled.

“It was shortly after Rossi joined our team,” Derek added. “Only a few moths after that.”

“Maybe, for some reason, her mind connected the memory of him to the one of the shooting,” House guessed. “That would explain why she forgot about him, too. I’m not a psychologist, but I’ve seen that happen before.”

“What do you think?” Derek almost didn’t dare pose the question. “Will her memory return?”

“Time will tell,” House replied with a shrug. “I’m sorry, but there’s no way to be sure about that. What I am sure about is that you shouldn’t try and force it.”

“I won’t,” Derek assured him. “If I told her about the past few years, she certainly wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

“She needs time to recover,” House said. “Physically, and mentally. But I’m sure things will work out “ one way or the other.” That being said, he left Derek alone.

Yeah, one way or the other. Derek ran a hand over his head again. Penelope was three months pregnant with his child, their engagement ring was in the drawer next to her hospital bed “ and she didn’t even remember they had been an item at all.

His life had never been so messed up before.
Back to index
Chapter 12 by little_profiler
Title: Don’t leave me this way “ part 12
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Sequel to ‘Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking’.
Warnings: none

AN: I almost can’t believe this is part 12 already. It’s really amazing “ especially considering the fact that this story is far from finished. LOL
Anyway, once again I’m sorry for the delay. It took me more than a week to correct this chapter my beta-reader betaed for me (thanks so much for that). I just can’t stop being busy. :) But I hope it was worth the wait.
Of course, I couldn’t make it too easy for our favorite couple. So you shouldn’t expect a miracle. Still I hope you’ll enjoy reading. I know I enjoyed writing. ;)
Hugs,
Caro


Five weeks later:

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Derek mumbled, while he pushed Penelope’s wheelchair towards the exit. “I mean, wouldn’t it be better to wait until she’s fully recovered?”

Penelope didn’t bother waiting for House to respond. “Honey, you know I don’t like hospitals. Five weeks are more than enough. And I’m fine, right?”

“It certainly depends how you define that term,” House answered with a shrug.

Derek gave Penelope his best ‘I told you so’ look. “See?”

“But from the medical point of view, you are cleared to go,” House added, giving Derek a wry grin. “You just have to attend physical therapy and the weekly check-ups, and even though you’re allowed to take a few steps on your own, I recommend the wheelchair for everyday use.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Penelope said, appeased, before turning back to Derek. “Hot Stuff, I’m completely fine. Not to mention that I’ll have you around to take care of me the whole day long.”

“Yeah, and don’t even hope that I’ll let you break your back. You will be resting for the next couple of days. That’s an order!” Derek told her in a stern voice.

Penelope rolled her eyes. “I heard you, Dad.”

Sighing, Derek turned her wheelchair around so that she had to look at him. “I’m just worried about you, okay? After all you’ve been through, you shouldn’t get carried away.”

“Okay, I got it,” Penelope mumbled, smiling coyly at him. “I promise, I’ll take care of myself.”

“You won’t have to.” Derek grinned and gently nudged her nose. “Because I’m gonna be there to take care of you the whole time.”

Penelope didn’t say anything in return, but her heart started beating faster at the prospect of having her chocolate Adonis all to herself for the next couple of days.

However, when he pulled the SUV into the parking lot, Penelope looked at the house, a little puzzled. This wasn’t her apartment building “ and it wasn’t Derek’s, either. Where on earth had he taken her?

“Um, cupcake, are you sure we didn’t take a wrong turn somewhere?” she asked carefully.

Chuckling, Derek got out of the SUV and hurried to open the door for Penelope and help her out of the vehicle.

“Don’t worry, beautiful. We’re exactly where we are supposed to be,” he assured her.

“Being?” she pressed him, eyeing the entrance suspiciously.

“We’re staying at JJ’s place for a couple of days,” Derek informed her.

Penelope frowned at him. “And why again would we do that?”

“Because neither your place nor mine is accessible for wheelchairs,” he replied with a nonchalant shrug. It wasn’t a lie “ but of course, it wasn’t the only reason they’d changed places with JJ. He couldn’t just bring her into their house, with their photos lying around…

Frowning, Penelope eyed him. He wouldn’t lie to her, would he? But it sounded like a lie “ or at least, it seemed like he was keeping something from her.

“Now, come on in,” he softly commanded. “It’s cold outside, and I don’t want you to get the flu or anything.”

“And where exactly is JJ staying?” Penelope questioned, as Derek pushed her wheelchair through the door. She sighed inwardly. As much as she enjoyed having her chocolate god around to take care of her, it was frustrating to sit in that stupid chair. She had always been able to take care of herself well, and now…

“She’s staying at your place for the time being,” Derek replied. “Stop worrying about everyone else, sweetness. I promise, no one’s going to any trouble because of you.”

“Of course you are,” she objected. “You’re putting yourself out on my account, JJ is, and I…”

Derek turned her wheelchair around so that Penelope was facing him. “Okay, girl, hush and listen to me. All we want to do is help you, because we love you and because we want you to be as comfortable as possible until you’re back to your old self. And you aren’t a burden to anyone. Understood?”

“Yeah.” She nodded, blushing slightly. “I just…”

Derek silenced her by putting his finger over her mouth. “Hush, girl!” he scolded. “I’m looking forward to taking care of you for the next couple of days, and I’m sure you’ll be back at your feet in no time at all.”

“But I don’t want you to feel obliged to,” she told him. “I mean, you certainly have much nicer company at your feet than a handicapped leech, who can’t even make it to the bathroom on her own.”

“Will you stop trying to get rid of me, Baby Girl!?” Derek demanded playfully, as he helped her settle on the couch. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. That’s a fact.” Smiling, he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Okay,” she whispered. “But you would tell me if it were any different, right?”

“I told you the truth,” he assured her. “Now, I want you to relax while I take care of dinner.” Smiling, he turned around and headed for the kitchen.

“Would you mind getting me a drink first? After everything that happened, I could really use one right now,” Penelope mumbled.

Derek froze in the middle of the movement and slowly turned back to her.

“What? Did I say something wrong?” Penelope frowned at the shocked expression on Derek’s face. “I’m not going to become an alcoholic; I just really need a drink right now.”

“You… You shouldn’t drink,” Derek stuttered, his voice coaxing. “Not in your current condition, anyway.”

“Come on, I’m fine,” Penelope exclaimed. “Okay, I still can’t fully move my legs, but how can one drink hurt?”

Derek sat down next to her on the couch and carefully took her hands in his. “It’s not because of your motion problems.”

“Okay,” she said slowly, trying to find an answer in his face. He was keeping something from her. Now she was sure about it.

“Just trust me when I say you shouldn’t drink at the moment, okay?” he begged her.

“No, it’s not okay,” Penelope said angrily, freeing her hands from his grip. “You’re keeping something from me, and I want to know what.”

“Baby…”

“I told you not to baby me,” Penelope interrupted him. “Tell me what’s going on. I can deal with it; I’m sure I can. What I can’t deal with is you lying to me all the time.”

“I’m not lying to you,” Derek assured her.

Penelope rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but you aren’t telling me the truth, either.”

“Okay,” Derek sighed, running a hand over his face. What was he supposed to do? House had told him not to tell her anything, unless she remembered at least parts of it “ but Derek couldn’t stand it if Penelope was mad at him. Besides, she wouldn’t let him talk her out of taking a drink. He needed to tell her the truth. Once she had her next appointment with the gynecologist, he needed to tell her about the pregnancy anyway.

“I honestly don’t know how to break the news carefully,” he started, “so I think it’s best if I just tell you.”

Penelope frowned at him once more. He wasn’t trying to make something up to avoid telling her the truth, was he?

Derek took a deep breath. “Baby Girl, you shouldn’t drink at the moment, because you’re pregnant.”

She stared at him for a second, and then she burst out laughing. “Yeah, like hell I am,” she exclaimed.

Sighing, Derek looked down. He should have known she wouldn’t believe him.

When Penelope saw the expression on Derek’s face, her jaw dropped and her skin went pale. “Oh, my God,” she whispered. “It’s… It’s true… I’m… pregnant?”

Derek just nodded.

“But… how… I mean, what… why…?” she stuttered.

Derek remained silent. What was he supposed to say to that? He couldn’t tell her about the baby’s father, for obvious reasons, but maybe he could make it easier for him to believe it.

“I… I got something for you,” he carefully told her. Reaching into his pocket, he took out a few pictures and his cell phone. He handed her the pictures. “Here are some ultrasound pictures that were taken while you were in the coma.” Pressing a few buttons on his cell phone, he held it out to her. “And this is the baby’s heartbeat.”

She heard the whooshing sound and saw the baby’s features becoming clearer as she looked through the ultrasound pictures. On the last one, she could even see the face and the tiny fingers.

Penelope place a hand over her stomach. It was true. She tried her best to hold back the tears that were springing to her eyes, but she couldn’t suppress a sob.

Derek’s heart cramped at that sound. Carefully, he laid a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Penelope sniffled. “This is just… too shocking.”

Frowning, Derek replied, “But… I thought you always wanted children.”

“I do,” she assured him. “I just… Call me old-fashioned, but I always thought I would be married before I… you know.”

Derek tried to give her a hopefully comforting smile. He couldn’t tell her anything, could he? After all, she was still thinking it had been his wedding she'd been attending when she had collapsed, due to the fact that his mother had been at the hospital. If he told her now that it had been her wedding, she could put two and two together, couldn’t she?

“What about the father?” Penelope asked.

Derek bit his lip. Of course she had to ask that question. Who wouldn’t, in her place? But how was he supposed to answer it?

“I… I’m not sure I should tell you about him,” Derek replied. “It’s not good if your memory is forced to come back, you know. It might be too much.”

“Did House tell you that?” Penelope asked, a bit suspiciously.

“Yes, and believe it or not, I agree with him on this one,” Derek told her in all seriousness. Considering what had happened during the years her mind had made her forget, it would surely be too much “ and she certainly wouldn’t even believe half of it. But he wanted to tell her. He wanted to have her back, completely.

Penelope nodded, understanding, but obviously disappointed.

“I’m sorry,” Derek said quietly.

“Can’t you… at least tell me what he’s like?” she pleaded.

Derek thought about the request for a moment. He could probably tell her the truth, without giving her too many details. This way, he wouldn’t force her memory to come back, would he? Besides, if he were in her condition, he would want to know as much as possible about such an important person in his life.

“Okay,” Derek gave in with a sigh. “I can’t tell you his name or any other personal information. But I can tell you that he loves you, very much, and he is looking forward to having a family with you. At the moment, he’s glad that you’re on the road to recovery; and he hopes you’ll get your memory back soon so that everything is back to as it was before you got ill.”

“Really?” she asked, smiling. “And do you like him?”

Derek couldn’t help but smile at that question. “Most of the time I do,” he answered.

“What's he like?” she wanted to know. “I mean, is he sweet and caring, like a real gentleman?”

“He tries his best to be,” he told her. “At least, you always say that he's sweet and caring. I’m not sure about the gentleman, though.”

“And he loves me?” she repeated.

“Yes, he does love you,” Derek affirmed. “He cares much more about you than about anyone or anything else in the world.”

“Are you sure?” Penelope pressed him, new tears springing to her eyes.

“Without a doubt,” Derek assured her.

“And is he… good looking?” she asked, blushing slightly.

Derek chuckled. “Well, I’d say he’s pretty handsome. Everyone says he is, anyway. And as far as I know, you think he’s smoking hot.”

Penelope thought about Derek’s words for a moment. A handsome guy who loved her more than anything else in the world and was obviously attracted to her “ at least enough to get her pregnant. That was all she’d ever wanted, wasn’t it?! Apart from the fact that she’d always pictured Derek to be that man.

After all, it had been Derek she’d first seen in the hospital when she had woken up. It had been him who had stayed with her the whole time she’d been in a coma. That had to mean something.

Yeah, Penelope, keep dreaming!

Apparently, sometime during the past three years, she had decided to finally move on and stop keeping up the false hope for something that simply wasn’t going to happen. But…

“Why hasn’t he been at the hospital?” she suddenly asked.

Derek blinked at her, confused for a moment. “Huh?”

“The father,” Penelope told him. “He never came to the hospital. I mean, you said I don’t remember him, so I certainly wouldn’t have recognized him. But the only people I didn’t know were Rossi and your mom.”

“Oh,” Derek mumbled. Now he had to lie to her. “He was there a lot,” he assured her. “He just… He’s very busy… jobwise, but he tried to be there as often as he could.”

“Oh,” Penelope mumbled, frowning to herself. “I… understand.” To be quite honest, she didn’t understand anything anymore. In fact, she started thinking that this ominous good-looking, caring, and lovely father of the baby didn’t exist.

What was it that Derek was keeping from her? Was it a one night stand who had gotten her pregnant?

No, very unlikely.

Had the guy dumped her afterwards?

More likely, but still…

Had she been raped?

God, hopefully not. She couldn’t give birth to the child of a rapist “ and it was too late for an abortion now.

“Baby Girl?” Derek’s soft voice interrupted her thoughts.

She turned to him, the confusion and the insecurity written all over her face.

Once again, Derek took her hands in his. “I promise you will understand once your memory is back, but I can’t tell you more right now. I know it’s confusing and some things don’t make sense to you at the moment, but I can’t explain everything. You just have to trust me.”

“But… this child,” she carefully started. “I… I wanted it “ and so did the father, right?”

“Yes,” he assured her, smiling. “Absolutely.”

Penelope took a deep breath. She needed to believe Derek. He would tell her the truth when the time was right. Whenever that was. She was pregnant, and the father of the baby loved her and wanted the child.

“I’m sorry,” Derek told her with a sigh. “This must be very confusing and frustrating for you. I really wish I could do something to make it better.”

“You’re here,” she said quietly. “That’s more than I can ask.”

Smiling, Derek pulled her into a tight embrace. God, it felt so good to finally hold her again. He never wanted to let go of her.

Sighing contently, Penelope closed her eyes. As always when he held her, Derek managed to make her feel safe and secure “ like nothing could ever happen to her, even if the world went down. It was a feeling only Derek could give her. And if she hadn’t known better, she’d have said that Derek enjoyed this as well, and… had he actually just sniffed her hair?

But suddenly, it hit her. “Um… Don’t you think the father of the baby would mind you being so close to me?” Not that she wanted this embrace to end anytime soon…

“No, I’m sure he doesn’t mind,” Derek assured her.

Penelope frowned, but she decided not to think about his words or what they could mean. At the moment, she had everything she needed.

Well, almost…
Back to index
Chapter 13 by little_profiler
Title: Don’t leave me this way “ part 13
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Sequel to ‘Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking’.
Warnings: none

AN: So, I survived the Easter holidays. Hope you did, too. :) It was a little stressful “ as usual “ because I had to replace our pastor again in one of the services.
Nonetheless, I used what little time I had to write as much as I could. *winks* So, now I hope you’ll enjoy the next chapter. It certainly isn’t exactly what everyone expects, but you know me, I’m full of surprises… So who knows where this story is going… *evil grin*
But now enjoy!

Penelope woke up from the strangest dream. Not that she wasn’t used to dreaming about a particular FBI agent, but usually, her dreams weren’t so vivid they could make her blush when she just thought about them. Besides, she couldn’t remember ever having dreamed about them in such an unusual setting as in front of a fire place. Normally, she didn’t remember any setting, nor any details, but this time…

Where the dream had come from wasn’t too hard to guess, though. She remembered that Derek had prepared dinner for the two of them, and afterwards, they’d spent the rest of the evening cuddling on the couch “ even though Penelope had wondered what her baby’s father would think about that.

She honestly hadn’t cared, though. How could she, if she didn’t remember having given up all her hopes and dreams about Derek and moving on with somebody else?

After the cuddling, Derek had taken her to bed, which was odd, because it had somehow made her feel like she was four years old again. But he had kissed her goodnight “ only on the forehead, but still, it had been such a soft and cute gesture “ so who was she to complain?

Letting out the breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding, Penelope slowly opened her eyes “ and would surely have jumped out of bed if she had been fully mobile yet. There was a figure sitting right next to her bed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Derek mumbled, sounding contrite and a bit embarrassed.

“You didn’t,” she assured him, running a hand over her sleepy eyes. How long had he been sitting there, anyway? God, hopefully she hadn’t talked during her sleep.

“Is… Is something wrong?” she asked carefully.

“No,” Derek quickly assured her. “I just… You know, I just wanted to make sure that you’re all right. That’s all.”

“Oh…” Penelope couldn’t help but smile at that. She felt incredibly safe and cared for. This certainly was the sweetest thing Derek had ever done “ at least as far as she remembered.

“I really didn’t want to wake you up,” he told her in a soft voice.

“You really didn’t,” she reassured him. “I hadn’t even noticed anyone being in here until I woke up from that dream.” Darn! She should learn to watch her tongue.

Derek frowned at that. “Anything you want to talk about?”

“No,” Penelope almost shouted, making Derek jump slightly. “I mean… It wasn’t a nightmare or anything, it was just… you know… one of those dreams you can’t really make sense of.”

“Okay,” he said, as he stood up and leaned down to kiss her forehead again. He knew her well enough to know when it was time to drop the matter.

Penelope sighed again. She could totally get used to the forehead kissing.

“Go back to sleep!” he softly commanded, and turned to leave.

“Thank you,” Penelope whispered, making Derek turn back to her and give her a questioning look. “For taking such a good care of me,” she added in a low voice, smiling coyly at him.

He gave her a warm smile in return. “Anytime, Baby Girl.” Leaving the door ajar “ just in case “ Derek went back to bed.

Sighing, Penelope sank back into her pillows. No wonder she had such vivid dreams about Derek if he kept spoiling her like this!

The problem was, she really shouldn’t have such dreams about him when she was carrying another man’s child. God, why did her life have to be so messed up?!

She still couldn’t believe she was pregnant at all. Not that the ultrasound picture and the recording of the baby’s heartbeat hadn’t been proof enough, but this was… somehow surreal. Waking up and having forgotten about the fact that she was pregnant “ or that there was someone close enough to her to get her pregnant in the first place.

She’d always been the girl in the background, secretly drooling over the hot, sweet, caring, unreachable guy “ who had been Derek for a good five years now. She’d always known it was never going to happen, but she had never stopped dreaming, secretly hoping for a miracle to come true.

She wondered what could have happened that she had obviously finally decided to move on. And suddenly it hit her. It must have been Derek’s wedding where she had collapsed. It was the only reasonable explanation. He had planned to get married “ maybe even was married by now “ and she had needed to move on. And apparently, she had.

No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she’d found someone who was as sweet, caring, and hot as Derek, she couldn’t hold back the tears over the chance she’d never had, and yet felt she’d missed. There was no other man like him.

Even though she tried her best not to, she cried herself to sleep that night. She knew she should be happy for her best friend, but she couldn’t. There was no way they could ever be as close again as they had been if he was married, and she had someone, too. And there certainly was no way her dream could ever come true.

She knew it was stupid, assuming that the thought even occurred to him “ the thought of them being more than just friends. But she couldn’t help feeling the way she felt.

It took a long time for her to calm down enough to finally get some sleep “ and when Derek woke her up the next day, it was already past twelve. He said he had wanted her to get the rest she needed.

Of course, he didn’t stop being sweet and caring and spoiling her to no end the next few days… and she didn’t stop dreaming about him. He cooked for her, because she still couldn’t move as well as she used to be able to move. But she was making good progress.

She practiced a lot, even though Derek refused to let her walk on her own “ that was without him holding out his arms for her as you would do for a child who was about to learn how to walk. But at least she managed to do without her wheelchair an entire day only a week after she’d been released from hospital.

“You shouldn’t overdo it,” Derek told her.

Penelope rolled her eyes at him. “Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to have to learn how to walk all over again “ at the age of thirty?”

“Thirty-three,” he mumbled.

“Thanks, you’re helping a lot,” Penelope said with a sigh, rolling her eyes once more.

“I’m sorry,” Derek told her. “I just… You know, this is hard for me, too, seeing that you’ve forgotten about the past three years and all.”

Once again, Penelope got the feeling that he was keeping something very important from her. Whenever he was speaking about her amnesia, he sounded distressed “ as if there was something he desperately wanted her to remember.

And why was he acting so strange, anyway? Not that she wasn’t used to him being overprotective, or that she didn’t enjoy the courtesy. But he was somehow too… caring, considering the fact that he’d been about to get married and she was having another man’s baby.

Of course, she didn’t mind him kissing her forehead, or her cheek, or hugging her on almost any occasion. However, she couldn’t help but wonder if this was convenient given their current situations. Besides, it raised hopes and feelings in her she had obviously overcome. She simply didn’t want to go back to being hopelessly in love with him. It hurt too much.

Maybe she should try again and ask him about it.

“I’m just saying, you shouldn’t overdo it,” Derek interrupted her thoughts. “Only a few weeks ago, I was about to lose you. I’m just trying to make sure you don’t hurt yourself or the baby.”

She turned to face him and to tell him that he was the one who was overdoing it “ and then it happened. Her legs refused to support her properly, and she lost her balance. Thanks to Derek’s animal-like reactions, he broke her fall, and Penelope landed in his tight embrace.

“See, that’s what I meant,” Derek told her in a low voice, as he tried to steady her.

Penelope couldn’t suppress the butterflies rising in her stomach, as she was so close to this dream of a man. Her heart was pounding like mad, and for a brief moment, Penelope thought about leaning forward and capturing Derek’s lips with hers. But she didn’t dare. That certainly would be awkward.

“That was enough for today,” Derek decided, and led Penelope back to the couch. “It’s time for dinner, anyway.”

“You know, we could order something,” she suggested.

“I love cooking for you,” he assured her. “Or are you implying you don’t like my food?”

“No,” she exclaimed, “of course not. I love your food. I just thought… I don’t know…”

“You just didn’t want to be a burden?” Smiling, Derek leaned down to peck her cheek. He knew he shouldn’t act this way, but he couldn’t help using every chance there was to get what little contact with her he could get.

If only he was allowed to kiss her. He was longing for the feeling of her soft lips, her touch, her taste. First, he’d almost lost her to Lynch, then he’d almost lost her to the CCHF, and now… Now, she was sitting right next to him, and he wasn’t even allowed to kiss her, or touch her, or hold her the way he wanted to hold her.

Penelope blushed slightly. Derek had stopped only inches away from her, after having pecked her cheek, and she could swear he was staring at her lips, as if he… No, that wasn’t possible.

“I just… thought you could use a day off, that’s all,” she mumbled.

“Okay,” he replied, smiling at her. “What would you like to eat?”

“How about Chinese?” Penelope answered.

Derek chuckled. “Why does that not surprise me!?”

“Maybe because you know me too well,” Penelope replied with a giggle.

Derek just smiled, heading for the phone to order the required food. She so had no idea how well he’d actually come to know her.

“How about a movie?” he suggested when he returned to the couch.

“Sounds great,” Penelope agreed. A movie meant more cuddling, and even though she certainly shouldn’t be here cuddling with Derek Morgan while being pregnant with who knew whose kid, she couldn’t make herself care about it. It simply was too good.

Smiling, Derek sat down next to her on the couch and carefully placed his arm around her. At least she didn’t mind cuddling with him. They’d done it a million times, even before she had been shot, so she certainly remembered that. Alas, he wasn’t allowed to get any kiss in between. So even though it was better than nothing, it still wasn’t what his heart, body, and soul were longing for.

Maybe he should just tell her. House had said that it might be too much for her, but really, what did he know about Penelope? Besides, Derek couldn’t help feeling that House had just done that to be able to watch what would happen. As if they both were his lab rats.

On the other hand, she’d been very emotional about the fact that she was pregnant. And he knew she shouldn’t be upset in her condition. Him telling her that he actually was the father of the baby would most certainly be upsetting.

If she even believed him, that is. Derek sighed. What was he supposed to do? He desperately wanted to have his Baby Girl, his family back. Yet, he was afraid that by trying to force anything, he would lose her forever.

He remembered their fight and how she’d accused him of just wanting sex. If that had been what she thought of him and his intentions back then…

“Hey, gorgeous, don’t you want to start the movie?” Penelope’s bantering voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Oh, um, sure,” he stuttered, and hit the play button. He hadn’t even realized he’d forgotten to press the button, even though he had the remote in his hand.
Penelope frowned. “Are you okay?”

“Sure,” he affirmed. “I was just… thinking, you know.”

“About what?” she pressed him.

“Whether or not I have enough money to pay for the food,” he replied.

“Liar,” Penelope mumbled, leaning her head against is chest. He didn’t want to tell her, and she was okay with it. During the past few days, she had learned that there were things he just couldn’t “ or maybe didn’t want to “ tell her yet.

Only ten minutes after Derek had started the movie, their dinner arrived. He unwillingly rose from the couch to answer the door.

They ate in a somewhat peaceful silence, both of them dwelling on their own thoughts.

The next day, Penelope was supposed to see the physiotherapist at the hospital “ and House would certainly be there to ‘check on her.’ She was just hoping the doctor wouldn’t say anything to make Derek lose it.

Derek, on the other hand, feared that House would drop a few remarks about what Penelope had forgotten, just to see her reaction “ if he didn’t just spill the whole story. To him, that sounded like something House would do.

Penelope wouldn’t believe it, though, Derek was sure about that. Oh, but how he wanted her to believe it. If Derek could be sure Penelope believed it, he’d even encourage House to tell her; hell, he’d tell her himself right there and then.

But she wouldn’t believe any of it. He remembered very well how hard it had been to convince her that he was serious. Her brothers had taught her that there was no way jocks and geeks interacted “ let alone became lovers. Given the fact that she had forgotten about the past three years, she certainly was back to believing that.

He had convinced her once, though. And if she never remembered any of the past three years, he would try and convince her a second time. Even if it lasted another year or more, he wouldn’t simply let her go. Not just like that. Not after everything they had. He would fight for her.

Penelope’s yawning interrupted his thoughts.

“I told you not to overdo it,” he said worriedly.

“I’m fine,” she assured him. There was no way she was going to tell him that it was more the fact that she hadn’t slept very well recently than her practicing.

“You want me to take you to bed?” he asked.

Penelope thought about it for a moment. She really was tired, but she was also sure that she wouldn’t find any more sleep tonight than she had the nights before. It was strange. She felt like something was missing, something that usually helped her sleep.

Besides, going to bed now meant no more cuddling. The only time she really felt good, safe, and secure was when she was lying in his arms. It had always been that way, and that didn’t seem to have changed one bit. It even made her forget about the despair and the chaos of her current situation. She didn’t want to go to bed without any more cuddling beforehand.

If only she could ask him to hold her at night. She was sure she would find a peaceful sleep then. Of course, she couldn’t ask that.

“Can we… watch the rest of the movie first?” she asked instead.

Derek tried his best not to show her how happy this request made him, how his heart jumped at the prospect of being allowed to hold her again.

“Sure,” he replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

Only five minutes later, they were both lying on his couch, Derek’s head resting against a large pillow at the armrest, and Penelope lying next to him, her arm wrapped around his middle and her head resting on his chest. They were both smiling happily, hoping the other didn’t notice.

Derek’s heart sank when the credits rolled over the screen. It meant he had to spend another night tossing and turning on his couch and not finding any sleep, because he missed the feeling of Penelope close to him.

However, when he looked down at her, a smile spread across his face. She was fast asleep in his arms.

Carefully, so that he didn’t wake her up, Derek took the blanket from the armchair next to them, spread it over them, and then turned out the TV and the lights.

He felt Penelope snuggling up closer against him in her sleep, and smiling, he wrapped both arms around her and closed his eyes. New hope was rising in his chest. Maybe he would be able to convince her that he was the father, that it had been their wedding she’d been attending… that he was serious.

Maybe they could go back to what they’d had, even if she never remembered the past three years. All Derek knew for sure was, he wasn’t going to give up fighting for her and for their family, no matter how long it might take.
Back to index
Chapter 14 by little_profiler
Title: Don’t leave me this way “ part 14
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Sequel to ‘Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking’.
Warnings: none

AN: I wanted to say thanks for the amazing amount of reviews I received for the last chapter. I’m glad people still seem to be hooked on the story. ;) I know, most of the time, I’m really bad at updating regularly, so I’m very grateful you’re still reading my stories. I’ll try to get better at that.
Be thankful for my wonderful and very fast beta-reader Jenny! I am. Without her, the stories certainly wouldn’t be so much fun to read “ not to mention that she’s incredibly fast, which leads to me updating more regularly. ;)
Now, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

When Penelope woke up that day, she felt rested, and in a strange way, at home. Warmth spread through her body, and her pillow was incredibly comfortable and smelled wonderfully like… Derek?

She opened her eyes and found herself staring at the TV in JJ’s living room. The last thing she remembered were the first five or ten minutes of the movie they’d decided to watch. She must have fallen asleep on the couch, in Derek’s arms “ and this was exactly where she was right now.

Carefully, she raised her head and looked at him.
He was asleep, and there was a strange expression on his face, as if he was completely happy.

God, he was so gorgeous; his strong jawline, his deliciously chocolate-colored skin, the tiny shadow around his chin. Without even thinking about it, Penelope reached out to let her fingers trace the contours of his face, along his cheek, his jaw, carefully touching his lower lip.

His skin was soft and deliciously tempting. It was hard to resist the urge to lean up the tiny bit and taste him. Not that this feeling was new to her, but for the first time, it felt… natural. As if she was “ or at least had been “ allowed to touch him, to taste him.

In your dreams, Penelope!

Derek stirred, and Penelope quickly withdrew her hand, hoping she hadn’t woken him up. If he was awake, he would surely stand up and suggest they have breakfast.

She glanced at the clock on the DVD player. Okay, he would suggest her going back to bed. It was only six a.m.

Her eyes wandered back to his handsome face, hoping to find him still asleep. Thankfully, he was “ and he looked like he was smiling. Penelope couldn’t help but wonder if he was dreaming, and if he was, what this dream was about. Did he ever dream about her, as she dreamed about him?

Yeah, you wish!

Sighing, she snuggled up against him again, and as she felt his arms coming tighter around her, closed her eyes.

Why did this man have to be so damn perfect?! If he had just been so incredibly gorgeous but bad in character, it would have been so much easier for her to accept that she had put all these feelings for him behind.

But he was sweet and caring and loving and… just perfect. The perfect man, with his model-like features. The perfect friend, with the way he took care of her. And he most certainly would be the perfect lover.

She knew she shouldn’t think or feel this way about him, but she couldn’t help it”especially not when she was so dangerously close to him. He smelled so good, so masculine, so… intoxicating. Oh, how badly she wanted to touch him, taste him, feel him…

Penelope drew in a shaky breath. It wasn’t that she hadn’t felt this way about him before, but she wasn’t used to such an intensity of these feelings. It had to be the hormones. She’d read about that “ and since Derek was the only man available…

She wasn’t sure she would be able to repress these feelings forever, though. Hot for him wasn’t even nearly describing what she felt. Maybe she should get up, get away from him, and… do without the warmth of his embrace, without that intoxicating smell that was completely him lulling her into sleep? No way!

Of course, it would have been the right thing to do. No matter how much she still wished for it to happen, there was no way she was ever going to be more than Derek’s best friend “ not with him being married and her having another man’s child. Oh, if only this child was his…

When she felt the tears welling up in her eyes again, she quickly tried to think of something more pleasant. The look on Derek’s face whenever she talked about her amnesia… This yearning look, as if there was something he desperately wanted to tell her. The worry and pain in his voice, whenever he told her about the illness…

Not to mention the fact that he had been there at the hospital “ according to what she had heard the whole time. And now he was caring selflessly for her, and there didn’t even seem to be a second he doubted or regretted that decision. If he was married to someone else, wouldn’t he much rather spend his time with his wife?!

Something was odd about this whole situation. He wasn’t only much too caring, he was also much too fond of being close to her, considering the fact that she was pregnant. Well, except if… No, that was impossible!

When she felt him stir, she looked up into his face again. He still seemed sound asleep, that dreamy smile still on his face. If only she could read his mind at times…

That night, Derek dreamed about the happiest memories of his life. He dreamed about the time they’d spent camping in the woods with Clooney. He dreamed about their first date, how Penelope had met his family, and finally, about their first night together.

He could have sworn he felt her touch, her soft fingers moving over his skin, exploring his face. Of course, it was just a dream, but it felt incredibly real.

When he woke up, he immediately knew where the dream had come from. Penelope was lying in his arms, dangerously close against him, her head resting on his chest “ and he could not only feel the warmth radiating from her body, he could also smell her, sweet and intoxicating… and he knew he would never be able to sleep without her again.

A glance at the clock told him that he needed to give up this feeling and wake her up. They were supposed to be at the hospital in less than an hour and a half.

Carefully, he stroked her cheek. “Baby Girl?” he whispered. “Penelope, wake up!”

She made a sound of complaint that made Derek smile, and slowly, unwillingly, raised her head to look at him.

“Good morning,” he whispered, smiling at her.

“Good morning,” she mumbled, and sleepily laid her head back on his chest.

His smile widened at her reaction, and he drew invisible patterns on her back. “I hate to say it, but we have to get up. There’s no way I’m gonna let you be late for your first appointment with the physiotherapist.”

She mumbled something even she couldn’t understand. She knew she should at least pretend to be somewhat embarrassed by the situation, but she simply enjoyed this too much.

“Come on, sweetness, let’s get up,” he told her in a soft voice.

Complaining once again, she unwillingly rose from her comfortable position and watched as Derek walked towards the kitchen.

“Call me if you need anything,” he told her, before he left her to be first in the bathroom.

Penelope insisted they go to the hospital without her wheelchair, which wasn’t exactly okay with Derek, but he gave up arguing, saying they could compromise and she could walk. She wanted her physiotherapist to be proud of her and of what progress she’d made in this one week. He insisted on taking the chair with them, though.

“She’s doing great,” House remarked, as he stepped next to Derek.

“I thought you had already flown back to San Francisco,” the other man grumbled.

“Los Angeles,” House corrected him. “And I never leave before a case is solved.”

“This case is solved,” Derek reminded him. “You found the disease and cured it. What else is there to do for you about this… case?!”

House just shrugged. “The patient hasn’t fully recovered yet.”

“Yeah, as if you’re the kind of doctor who cares about that,” Derek snorted.

A knowing smile flashed across House’s face when Penelope looked at them to smile at Derek. “You two are getting along quite well, I suppose.”

“That’s so not your business,” Derek grumbled.

“Has she remembered anything yet?” House asked, instead of reacting to Derek’s words.

He sighed and hung his head. “Nothing,” he replied. “At least, she doesn’t seem to remember anything.”

“Interesting,” House mumbled.

“Oh, that’s what you’re thinking about it?!” Derek tried his best not to actually yell at the other man. He didn’t want Penelope to catch anything of their conversation. He knew she would only try and mediate.

“It’s been a week already,” House told him. “Considering the fact that her brain doesn’t seem to be damaged in any way “ which is why she’s able to make such progress, by the way “ she should at least start to remember parts of what she has forgotten.”

“What exactly do you know about amnesia?” Derek questioned. “I thought there was no way to be sure that she will ever remember anything.”

“True,” House said with a nod, “but in most cases, the patient starts to remember at least parts of their past after a while.”

“Why don’t you go and ask her about it?” Derek asked sarcastically.

House raised an eyebrow at him. “I wonder why you haven’t told her anything yet. Could it be possible that you agree with me that this could be too much for her?”

“I don’t agree with you on anything,” Derek grumbled.

“Ah, so you think she won’t believe you if you tell her the truth?” House concluded. “I wonder why? Why should she believe that you can’t be truly interested in her? Did you give her any reason to think so?”

“Listen,” Derek snarled at him. “I don’t give a damn what you think you know about me. But you don’t know nothing about Penelope. Stop interfering with things you don’t understand.”

“I’m just saying…” House shrugged, instead of reacting to what Derek had said. “If she doesn’t remember by now, maybe she doesn’t want to remember.”

Derek clenched his fists. He was ready to punch this guy “ once again. But there was no way he would do that in front of Penelope. “You know what? If you don’t…”

He was interrupted when the door opened and the physiotherapist pushed Penelope’s wheelchair outside. “I see you didn’t kill each other,” she teased.

“I just didn’t know where to dump the body,” Derek grumbled.

“She is doing amazingly well,” the physiotherapist said, changing the topic and smiling.

“And this was amazingly exhausting,” Penelope added with a sigh. “Honey, I really don’t like to admit it, but I’m glad you insisted on bringing the wheelchair with us. She made muscles in my body hurt I didn’t even know existed.”

Derek took over pushing the wheelchair. “Now you have the whole rest of the day to rest.”

“Are you kidding me?” Penelope exclaimed. “I have to practice more so that next time, it won’t be so exhausting.”

Derek sighed and turned to the physiotherapist. “Would you tell her not to overdo it, Ms…?”

“Janet.” The woman smiled coyly at Derek, making Penelope sigh inwardly. Only one minute, and another woman was at his feet. “The more she practices, the sooner she’ll be back at her feet,” Janet said.

Rolling his eyes, Derek mumbled, “Why do I get the impression that you two ganged up against me?!”

“But your boyfriend is right,” Janet told Penelope. “You shouldn’t overdo it.”

Penelope’s heart beat faster when Janet referred to Derek as her boyfriend. This was going to be embarrassing. She opened her mouth to reply that Derek wasn’t her boyfriend, but Derek was faster.

“Thank you,” was all he said to the woman, before turning back to Penelope. “See, Baby Girl, you shouldn’t overdo it. So when we get back home, you will rest first.” Smiling, he leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

“Okay,” she mumbled, smiling sheepishly. The physiotherapist was a slender, tanned young woman, who was exactly Derek’s type. Why hadn’t he clarified that he and Penelope weren’t an item?!

“I’ll see you next week.” Janet smiled at Penelope.

“I’ll do much better by then,” Penelope promised.

Derek just shook his head, while he pushed the wheelchair along the corridor.

“Why didn’t you tell her?” Penelope asked, when they were sitting in his SUV.

“What do you mean?” Derek asked in return.

Looking down, Penelope mumbled, “Janet. When she said… Why didn’t you tell her you’re not my boyfriend?”

Derek took a deep breath. Maybe this wasn’t the right moment, but it was his first chance since she had woken up “ and it might as well be his only chance. So he decided to give it a try. Taking her hand in his, he softly replied, “I don’t know. Maybe I just like the idea.”

His words made her heart beat faster, and she desperately wanted to believe them. But she knew it couldn’t be. Not even if he really wanted it to be. So instead of replying that she liked the thought, too, she just snorted.

Discouraged, Derek started the engine and drove back home.

Penelope bit her lip. He looked hurt. Why had he said that at all? If he was married and she was… Something was wrong here.

When they returned to JJ’s place, Derek noticed that Penelope didn’t feel at all comfortable. Had his words really been so troubling? “Are you okay?” he asked carefully.

Penelope sighed. “I just… I… I could really use a bath.”

“Oh.” Derek thought about her words for a moment, before he fully understood what her problem was. The team was on a case, so he was the only one around. “Oh. I… can help you.”

“No,” she almost shouted at him. Then she blushed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… It’s just… I can’t get into and out of the bathtub on my own, and as much as I appreciate that you’re taking such a good care of me, there’s no way I’m gonna let you help me with that.”

“Okay,” Derek said, smiling as she blushed a deep shade of red. “I understand. Would you… let my mom help you with that? She’s still in town, and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. I can call her, if you want me to.”

Penelope’s head shot up, and she stared at him for a second. His mother? But the only other option was Derek… There was no way she would undress in front of him. So she nodded.

His mother arrived only ten minutes later.

“I’m gonna get us something for dinner,” Derek told the two women. “Be careful. You know that if the water is too hot or…”

“Derek, I gave birth to three children,” his mother interrupted him. “I can take care of Penelope. Go, she’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Okay,” he replied with a sigh. “But if she asks you to practice with her, talk her out of it!”

“Relax,” Penelope answered instead. “I promise to be a good girl.”

“I know,” he said softly, stepping in front of her. “I’m just worried about you. I’ll be back in no time at all.”

“Take your time,” she responded with a smile. “We’ll be fine.”

She expected him to kiss her forehead, as he usually did at moments like this. But instead, he kissed her fully on the lips. It was more a short peck, but fully on the lips.

Derek cursed himself. It had just felt so natural, he hadn’t even realized what he was doing. He quickly left, before the situation could become any more awkward.

Fran smiled at the scene and at a flabbergasted Penelope. “Come on, let’s get you into the bathtub before he returns to whirl around here.”

Penelope’s lips were still burning with a reawakened hunger. He had kissed her.

“I… really appreciate that you’re doing this for me, Mrs. Morgan,” she told Derek’s mother, to take her mind off of the kiss.

“You know, there was a time when you called me Fran,” the older woman said, smiling at her. “I liked that better.”

“Oh… okay,” Penelope replied sheepishly. Why on earth would she have called Derek’s mother Fran?!

But she didn’t have the time to worry about that. Fran prepared the bath for her “ and she even managed to make Penelope feel not half as awkward as the situation was.

In fact, Penelope really enjoyed the bath. It made her feel better; and Fran made her feel comfortable with the situation, without even having to assure her that she liked helping Penelope out.

“Thank you so much,” Penelope told her with a smile. “This was just what I needed.”

“You’re very much welcome,” Fran assured her. “But I fear I should help Derek in the kitchen now “ at least, if we want to have something edible for dinner soon.”

Penelope giggled, the fact that she’d been sure she would drop dead when she ever met Derek’s family long forgotten. She really liked Derek’s mother.
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