CHAPTER TEN
He sat down beside her on the couch, wincing when she jerked away from his hand. “It’s Hotch, Em. Just Hotch.” He waited until her eyes met his, panicked and fearful, before reaching out for her again. “You have to calm down, breathe. In and out. Slow.”
She shook her head vigorously. “He found me, Hotch. He’s going to find me, he’s going to get me.”
He’d never heard her talk like this before. He’d never met this vulnerable Emily who didn’t believe in herself or in them. How many times had she found some odd way to encourage the team without them actually realizing that she’d re-stabilized them? It was her confidence in each and every member of this team that gave them all something to strive for, at least in some way.
“No, Emily. He will not hurt you.”
This headshake was more vehement, stronger. Tears started to leak from the corner of her eyes. “He knows I’ve been staying with Derek. He knows how I sleep.”
“Em, honey, come on.” His heart was starting to race. He couldn’t get her to calm her breathing, slow the heaving of her chest. Her face was pale and her eyes wide and he suddenly felt terribly guilty for leaving the room to begin with. He pulled her against his body, wrapping an arm around her hips until her legs were thrown over his, his other tangling in her hair. He murmured into her ear, nothing important, just reassurances. Unlike Cycrus, this attack had deliberately targeted her.
“Nothing will hurt you,” he whispered. “I promise you. Honey, nothing will hurt you. I will not let anything hurt you.”
She was still shaking violently, her hands clenched in his suit jacket. She was whimpering softly where she’d buried her face in his neck. “He’s going to find me.”
“He will not,” he swore strongly. “He will not get anywhere close to you, Emily. He will not.”
“How can you be so sure?” she asked in a tiny voice.
“Because you have us, Emily, you have me. I promise you, honey, I am not going to let him hurt you.”
If she heard the passion in his voice, the conviction, she simply took it as confidence and not the protective streak he felt for those he cared about because she didn’t say anything or react any more than to curl tighter to him.
“We’ll move you out of Derek’s room, get you your own room under a name that isn’t yours.”
“No!” Emily swallowed.
Hotch understood without her having to tell him. She didn’t want to stay by herself. He could understand that. “Okay, okay, sweetheart. We’ll find a room with two beds. You can come and stay with me.”
She was calming. Slowly, but she was. The hand tangled in her hair rubbed her back in soothing circles, up and down over her blouse. Her chest was slowing, her breath calming and he blew out a mental sigh of relief. “We’ll make sure there’s always someone with you, someone you trust. We will keep you safe, Emily.”
If it was the last thing he did.
“Hotch, man, what happened?”
Emily, Dave and Reid had gone ahead into the restaurant Dave had chosen for dinner. Hotch had given the excuse of needing to make a call and Derek had stayed. “Our UNSUB called.”
“Called?”
“The precinct,” Hotch agreed with a nod. “I’m going to call JJ, see if they can find us a double room on a higher floor. I’m going to stay with her for a few nights.”
“She agreed? What happened?”
It was moments like these Hotch realized the type of team he’d put together. They were a team that supported each other regardless and never saw another teammate as anything more than human. They loved each other like a family.
“She had a panic attack,” he answered. “The whole thing. I promised her we’d make sure nothing would happen to her.”
“So you’re moving her out of my room?”
“He knows she’s been staying with you. Which means he’s been watching the hotel.”
Derek nodded. “Probably watching her every move.”
“She goes nowhere by herself, Derek, not even to the bathroom, I don’t care how annoyed she gets. We will keep her safe.”
Derek raised an eyebrow. “Of course we will, Hotch. Is everything okay with you?”
Hotch blew out a breath, running a hand through his hair. “Fine.”
“What’s going on with you, man?” Derek asked, narrowing his eyes. “Don’t think I haven’t been watching, haven’t seen you two spending more time together.”
“So what, Derek, friends do that.”
Derek just nodded, knowing better than to continue that kind of interrogation when his boss seemed so irritated. And tired. They were all tired, all exhausted and it wouldn’t help if he kept trying to push his boss into confessing something most of the team had pretty much seen coming. Emily and Hotch… there had been more than a few interesting looks passed between team members when watching the two of them. And Hotch had rushed to Emily’s side instead of after the UNSUB the night she was attacked.
Reid poked his head out of the front of the restaurant door. “Are you two coming? Emily’s falling asleep on the table.”
Part of Emily felt like she should have resisted sharing a room with Hotch. He was her unit chief, after all, and yet the other part of her was eternally grateful. She was already feeling guilty and terrible for keeping Derek up, for waking him almost hourly because of her nightmares. She hated feeling weak and that, really, was the crux of the matter.
JJ had managed to finagle a double room for them on a floor six floors above their original rooms. Now Emily was unpacking her ready-bag. Toiletries bag was in the bathroom “ she’d dropped that off first because Hotch had wanted, and asked politely, to shower “ and now she was trying to unpack the rest of her things. Hotch had voluntarily taken the outside bed without asking and she was thankful. She didn’t want to risk being any more vulnerable than she already had.
Because now she’d cried in his arms, almost punched him in the jaw because he’d woken her from the beginnings of an uncomfortable dream and managed to have a panic attack he’d coaxed her through. Now he’d offered to share a room with her knowing that she wasn’t okay. Why did he want to share a room with her when she knew she wasn’t okay? Dare she hope that he wanted to stay with her because she wasn’t okay?
“You’re still awake.”
His voice made her spin quickly. He’d put trackpants on, but his chest was bare as he towel-dried his hair. Emily closed her eyes and breathed deep. She heard him sigh.
“Sorry. I don’t usually forget to announce myself with you.”
That made her brow wrinkle. “I’m sorry?”
He stopped a few steps from her. “You don’t react as violently if you know someone’s there,” he said softly, not meeting her eyes.
Emily couldn’t decide which was stranger, that he’d noticed that or that he didn’t want to look at her while he said it. She fingered the collar of the t-shirt she had in her hand. “Sorry.”
He met her eyes. “It’s not your fault. There’s no reason to apologize.”
“Thank you,” she said after a few moments of silence. “For doing this.”
“For doing what?” he asked, reaching for the t-shirt he’d left on the bed.
“I don’t… I mean, it’s hard…” She blew out an annoyed breath. This wasn’t going as she wanted. It was hard for her to admit that she didn’t want to stay by herself. “Thank you for offering to stay with me.”
He smiled slightly. “It’s no problem at all Emily.”
Except that he had no idea what he was in for,