CHAPTER TWELVE
With every possible interview line exhausted, including those at Carthey’s, the staff of which hadn’t seen Harry Cademon in a few days, the team sat back in the precinct to man the tip lines while JJ coordinated with media from Quantico. Hotch was in the conference room, doing his own fair share of calling, trying to get in touch with anyone that could have known Harry Cademon and darting glances at the couch every once in a while. For, after some serious convincing by every member of her team, Emily had reluctantly agreed to a nap on the couch.
“How is she doing?”
Hotch looked up as Dave entered the room, the older man’s eyes fixed on the only woman in their midst. “Sleeping, which is a start.”
“How are the nightmares? You look exhausted.”
“Thanks, Dave,” Hotch replied with a wry smile, wiping a hand over his face. In some ways he was jealous of Emily’s ability to sleep. In others, he knew he’d never be able to sleep until this guy was caught and he knew Emily was safe. “They come nightly.”
“Understandably so,” Dave agreed. “How are you holding up?”
“Me?” Hotch asked in confusion.
“I saw the way you looked at those pictures, Hotch.”
The unit chief sighed. “I’m worried,” he admitted, as candid about the whole situation as he’d ever been. If he couldn’t trust Dave, who could he trust?
“Who isn’t?” Dave agreed. “No one should have to go through what she’s going through. Especially back to back.”
However, Hotch could see something else in the older profiler’s eyes and knew he hadn’t answered the question Dave had really wanted to ask. “But that wasn’t the answer you were looking for.”
Dave smiled slightly. “Why are you worried? Or maybe the better question to ask is why are you worrying so much?”
“Dave, I’m tired, exhausted even and as you mentioned I look like hell. What do you want to know?”
“Whether or not you’ve admitted to yourself that you’re in love with Emily Prentiss.”
Hotch blinked. “What?”
“We’re not blind, Hotch,” Dave said. “Though maybe you are. To us, it’s obvious. To her… well, she’s not sure what to do with you.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“We’ve been watching her, closely,” Dave pointed out as he took a seat at the table. “She feels safe with you, but she doesn’t trust you like she does Derek.”
Thanks for reminding me, Hotch thought to himself, managing not to sneer. “Where are you going with this?”
“Nowhere in particular,” Dave admitted. “Just pointing it out, seeing if you’ve figured it out yet. I know she has.”
Hotch reached up to massage his temples. This was giving him a headache. “Dave…”
A whimper cut off whatever Hotch was preparing to say. His eyes darted over to fix on Emily, to watch and make sure she wasn’t having a nightmare. He sighed when she started shaking, cowering back into the couch cushions. He didn’t think about Dave when he stood to crouch down by the couch, shushing her softly as his hand ran through her hair. He’d done the same for her last night when the nightmares had taken hold again. He hated seeing her like this.
It didn’t take him long to get her back into some semblance of a comfortable sleep and he was thankful she hadn’t woken completely. Dave had a knowing sparkle in his eyes when Hotch turned back. “What does it matter?”
“Ah, here comes the speech on why relationships within a team aren’t a good idea.”
“It’s more than that and you know it,” Hotch snapped. “It’s about her about what kind of effect that would have on her job and on her career. Do you have any idea how hard she fought to get to where she is?”
“Do you?” Dave replied.
Hotch nodded. It had been one of their topics of conversation to keep her mind off of her nightmares. It hadn’t done a good job, but it had been something. She was so much more candid when she was half asleep and dead with exhaustion. “I’m not going to take her down. I can’t do that to her.”
“What if that was the decision she made?”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that Emily’s known she’s in love with you for longer than you’ve even considered being attracted to her.”
“What?”
“You really are blind, aren’t you,” Dave said, almost scathingly. “You’ve got a woman there who is smart, attractive, funny, loyal… everything and you’ve missed her the whole time.”
Hotch looked over at Emily’s sleeping face. “I haven’t missed her at all.”
Dave felt a grin tilt the corners of his mouth at Hotch’s quiet admission. He knew that, knew that Hotch hadn’t missed Emily in the slightest. He was just hoping the younger man would finally see that there was a woman who matched him to a tee available for him if he wanted it. Heck, even Dave would pull in a few favours to make sure that happened if it meant both of his colleagues happy. If anyone deserved it, it was Emily and Hotch.
“But I won’t.”
Well, logically Dave knew that. He knew that it wasn’t going to be an easy path to follow. Nothing with Emily ever was and the Bureau, well, they never made things easy. “You’re hiding behind the Bureau.”
“I’m not hiding,” Hotch said. “I’m not going to ask her to choose between the job and me. And that’s even assuming you’re right.”
“He’s right.”
Both men looked up to see Derek in the doorway, eyes on Emily. Hotch almost groaned.
“Sorry, man. I was coming in to check on her.” He tilted his head to the side slightly, regarding his unit chief. “And didn’t she do it once already?”
Dave’s eyes widened gleefully.
“What are you talking about?” Hotch asked, shaking his head.
“Milwaukee.”
It made his blood run cold. He hated those weeks. “What about it?”
“Well, she quit, didn’t she? Was going to take the State Department exams.”
Dave arched an eyebrow. “I didn’t know about that.”
“It was before you joined the team,” Hotch murmured quietly, his eyes fixed on Emily. He remembered that event, remembered that exact moment when she looked Strauss in the eye and told her she was leaving the BAU effective immediately. The news hadn’t been for him to hear but for Strauss. It hadn’t taken him long to understand what Emily wasn’t saying. And she hadn’t denied it when he’d confronted her with the information.
Was Derek right? Had there been something then? Had he realized it? Of course he hadn’t realized it, he was still married, still fighting for Haley. And yet when it came down to it, he’d chosen the job, and indirectly her. He’d gone to her, told her that she needed to be on this team, that she needed to be in the BAU. And she’d gone to Milwaukee. He’d asked her to go to Milwaukee and she’d gone. And one last case had turned into where they were today.
“So this has been longer than I thought it coming,” Dave said, leaning back in his chair as his lips twitched.
Hotch didn’t want to talk about it. He really didn’t want to talk about it. Especially with Emily so close and likely to wake up because of a nightmare.
“Freeze!”
“Don’t move!”
Dave, Derek and Hotch were on their feet in seconds, racing out of the room, their guns in hand. Reid ran the other way, into the room and to Emily’s side. Hotch was almost thankful for it because after Garcia had hunted down the DMV photo, there was nothing in Hotch’s mind that didn’t identify the man holding a gun to another officer’s head as Harry Cademon.