Title: Don’t leave me this way “ part 13
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Sequel to ‘Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking’.
Warnings: none
AN: So, I survived the Easter holidays. Hope you did, too. :) It was a little stressful “ as usual “ because I had to replace our pastor again in one of the services.
Nonetheless, I used what little time I had to write as much as I could. *winks* So, now I hope you’ll enjoy the next chapter. It certainly isn’t exactly what everyone expects, but you know me, I’m full of surprises… So who knows where this story is going… *evil grin*
But now enjoy!
Penelope woke up from the strangest dream. Not that she wasn’t used to dreaming about a particular FBI agent, but usually, her dreams weren’t so vivid they could make her blush when she just thought about them. Besides, she couldn’t remember ever having dreamed about them in such an unusual setting as in front of a fire place. Normally, she didn’t remember any setting, nor any details, but this time…
Where the dream had come from wasn’t too hard to guess, though. She remembered that Derek had prepared dinner for the two of them, and afterwards, they’d spent the rest of the evening cuddling on the couch “ even though Penelope had wondered what her baby’s father would think about that.
She honestly hadn’t cared, though. How could she, if she didn’t remember having given up all her hopes and dreams about Derek and moving on with somebody else?
After the cuddling, Derek had taken her to bed, which was odd, because it had somehow made her feel like she was four years old again. But he had kissed her goodnight “ only on the forehead, but still, it had been such a soft and cute gesture “ so who was she to complain?
Letting out the breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding, Penelope slowly opened her eyes “ and would surely have jumped out of bed if she had been fully mobile yet. There was a figure sitting right next to her bed.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Derek mumbled, sounding contrite and a bit embarrassed.
“You didn’t,” she assured him, running a hand over her sleepy eyes. How long had he been sitting there, anyway? God, hopefully she hadn’t talked during her sleep.
“Is… Is something wrong?” she asked carefully.
“No,” Derek quickly assured her. “I just… You know, I just wanted to make sure that you’re all right. That’s all.”
“Oh…” Penelope couldn’t help but smile at that. She felt incredibly safe and cared for. This certainly was the sweetest thing Derek had ever done “ at least as far as she remembered.
“I really didn’t want to wake you up,” he told her in a soft voice.
“You really didn’t,” she reassured him. “I hadn’t even noticed anyone being in here until I woke up from that dream.” Darn! She should learn to watch her tongue.
Derek frowned at that. “Anything you want to talk about?”
“No,” Penelope almost shouted, making Derek jump slightly. “I mean… It wasn’t a nightmare or anything, it was just… you know… one of those dreams you can’t really make sense of.”
“Okay,” he said, as he stood up and leaned down to kiss her forehead again. He knew her well enough to know when it was time to drop the matter.
Penelope sighed again. She could totally get used to the forehead kissing.
“Go back to sleep!” he softly commanded, and turned to leave.
“Thank you,” Penelope whispered, making Derek turn back to her and give her a questioning look. “For taking such a good care of me,” she added in a low voice, smiling coyly at him.
He gave her a warm smile in return. “Anytime, Baby Girl.” Leaving the door ajar “ just in case “ Derek went back to bed.
Sighing, Penelope sank back into her pillows. No wonder she had such vivid dreams about Derek if he kept spoiling her like this!
The problem was, she really shouldn’t have such dreams about him when she was carrying another man’s child. God, why did her life have to be so messed up?!
She still couldn’t believe she was pregnant at all. Not that the ultrasound picture and the recording of the baby’s heartbeat hadn’t been proof enough, but this was… somehow surreal. Waking up and having forgotten about the fact that she was pregnant “ or that there was someone close enough to her to get her pregnant in the first place.
She’d always been the girl in the background, secretly drooling over the hot, sweet, caring, unreachable guy “ who had been Derek for a good five years now. She’d always known it was never going to happen, but she had never stopped dreaming, secretly hoping for a miracle to come true.
She wondered what could have happened that she had obviously finally decided to move on. And suddenly it hit her. It must have been Derek’s wedding where she had collapsed. It was the only reasonable explanation. He had planned to get married “ maybe even was married by now “ and she had needed to move on. And apparently, she had.
No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she’d found someone who was as sweet, caring, and hot as Derek, she couldn’t hold back the tears over the chance she’d never had, and yet felt she’d missed. There was no other man like him.
Even though she tried her best not to, she cried herself to sleep that night. She knew she should be happy for her best friend, but she couldn’t. There was no way they could ever be as close again as they had been if he was married, and she had someone, too. And there certainly was no way her dream could ever come true.
She knew it was stupid, assuming that the thought even occurred to him “ the thought of them being more than just friends. But she couldn’t help feeling the way she felt.
It took a long time for her to calm down enough to finally get some sleep “ and when Derek woke her up the next day, it was already past twelve. He said he had wanted her to get the rest she needed.
Of course, he didn’t stop being sweet and caring and spoiling her to no end the next few days… and she didn’t stop dreaming about him. He cooked for her, because she still couldn’t move as well as she used to be able to move. But she was making good progress.
She practiced a lot, even though Derek refused to let her walk on her own “ that was without him holding out his arms for her as you would do for a child who was about to learn how to walk. But at least she managed to do without her wheelchair an entire day only a week after she’d been released from hospital.
“You shouldn’t overdo it,” Derek told her.
Penelope rolled her eyes at him. “Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to have to learn how to walk all over again “ at the age of thirty?”
“Thirty-three,” he mumbled.
“Thanks, you’re helping a lot,” Penelope said with a sigh, rolling her eyes once more.
“I’m sorry,” Derek told her. “I just… You know, this is hard for me, too, seeing that you’ve forgotten about the past three years and all.”
Once again, Penelope got the feeling that he was keeping something very important from her. Whenever he was speaking about her amnesia, he sounded distressed “ as if there was something he desperately wanted her to remember.
And why was he acting so strange, anyway? Not that she wasn’t used to him being overprotective, or that she didn’t enjoy the courtesy. But he was somehow too… caring, considering the fact that he’d been about to get married and she was having another man’s baby.
Of course, she didn’t mind him kissing her forehead, or her cheek, or hugging her on almost any occasion. However, she couldn’t help but wonder if this was convenient given their current situations. Besides, it raised hopes and feelings in her she had obviously overcome. She simply didn’t want to go back to being hopelessly in love with him. It hurt too much.
Maybe she should try again and ask him about it.
“I’m just saying, you shouldn’t overdo it,” Derek interrupted her thoughts. “Only a few weeks ago, I was about to lose you. I’m just trying to make sure you don’t hurt yourself or the baby.”
She turned to face him and to tell him that he was the one who was overdoing it “ and then it happened. Her legs refused to support her properly, and she lost her balance. Thanks to Derek’s animal-like reactions, he broke her fall, and Penelope landed in his tight embrace.
“See, that’s what I meant,” Derek told her in a low voice, as he tried to steady her.
Penelope couldn’t suppress the butterflies rising in her stomach, as she was so close to this dream of a man. Her heart was pounding like mad, and for a brief moment, Penelope thought about leaning forward and capturing Derek’s lips with hers. But she didn’t dare. That certainly would be awkward.
“That was enough for today,” Derek decided, and led Penelope back to the couch. “It’s time for dinner, anyway.”
“You know, we could order something,” she suggested.
“I love cooking for you,” he assured her. “Or are you implying you don’t like my food?”
“No,” she exclaimed, “of course not. I love your food. I just thought… I don’t know…”
“You just didn’t want to be a burden?” Smiling, Derek leaned down to peck her cheek. He knew he shouldn’t act this way, but he couldn’t help using every chance there was to get what little contact with her he could get.
If only he was allowed to kiss her. He was longing for the feeling of her soft lips, her touch, her taste. First, he’d almost lost her to Lynch, then he’d almost lost her to the CCHF, and now… Now, she was sitting right next to him, and he wasn’t even allowed to kiss her, or touch her, or hold her the way he wanted to hold her.
Penelope blushed slightly. Derek had stopped only inches away from her, after having pecked her cheek, and she could swear he was staring at her lips, as if he… No, that wasn’t possible.
“I just… thought you could use a day off, that’s all,” she mumbled.
“Okay,” he replied, smiling at her. “What would you like to eat?”
“How about Chinese?” Penelope answered.
Derek chuckled. “Why does that not surprise me!?”
“Maybe because you know me too well,” Penelope replied with a giggle.
Derek just smiled, heading for the phone to order the required food. She so had no idea how well he’d actually come to know her.
“How about a movie?” he suggested when he returned to the couch.
“Sounds great,” Penelope agreed. A movie meant more cuddling, and even though she certainly shouldn’t be here cuddling with Derek Morgan while being pregnant with who knew whose kid, she couldn’t make herself care about it. It simply was too good.
Smiling, Derek sat down next to her on the couch and carefully placed his arm around her. At least she didn’t mind cuddling with him. They’d done it a million times, even before she had been shot, so she certainly remembered that. Alas, he wasn’t allowed to get any kiss in between. So even though it was better than nothing, it still wasn’t what his heart, body, and soul were longing for.
Maybe he should just tell her. House had said that it might be too much for her, but really, what did he know about Penelope? Besides, Derek couldn’t help feeling that House had just done that to be able to watch what would happen. As if they both were his lab rats.
On the other hand, she’d been very emotional about the fact that she was pregnant. And he knew she shouldn’t be upset in her condition. Him telling her that he actually was the father of the baby would most certainly be upsetting.
If she even believed him, that is. Derek sighed. What was he supposed to do? He desperately wanted to have his Baby Girl, his family back. Yet, he was afraid that by trying to force anything, he would lose her forever.
He remembered their fight and how she’d accused him of just wanting sex. If that had been what she thought of him and his intentions back then…
“Hey, gorgeous, don’t you want to start the movie?” Penelope’s bantering voice interrupted his thoughts.
“Oh, um, sure,” he stuttered, and hit the play button. He hadn’t even realized he’d forgotten to press the button, even though he had the remote in his hand.
Penelope frowned. “Are you okay?”
“Sure,” he affirmed. “I was just… thinking, you know.”
“About what?” she pressed him.
“Whether or not I have enough money to pay for the food,” he replied.
“Liar,” Penelope mumbled, leaning her head against is chest. He didn’t want to tell her, and she was okay with it. During the past few days, she had learned that there were things he just couldn’t “ or maybe didn’t want to “ tell her yet.
Only ten minutes after Derek had started the movie, their dinner arrived. He unwillingly rose from the couch to answer the door.
They ate in a somewhat peaceful silence, both of them dwelling on their own thoughts.
The next day, Penelope was supposed to see the physiotherapist at the hospital “ and House would certainly be there to ‘check on her.’ She was just hoping the doctor wouldn’t say anything to make Derek lose it.
Derek, on the other hand, feared that House would drop a few remarks about what Penelope had forgotten, just to see her reaction “ if he didn’t just spill the whole story. To him, that sounded like something House would do.
Penelope wouldn’t believe it, though, Derek was sure about that. Oh, but how he wanted her to believe it. If Derek could be sure Penelope believed it, he’d even encourage House to tell her; hell, he’d tell her himself right there and then.
But she wouldn’t believe any of it. He remembered very well how hard it had been to convince her that he was serious. Her brothers had taught her that there was no way jocks and geeks interacted “ let alone became lovers. Given the fact that she had forgotten about the past three years, she certainly was back to believing that.
He had convinced her once, though. And if she never remembered any of the past three years, he would try and convince her a second time. Even if it lasted another year or more, he wouldn’t simply let her go. Not just like that. Not after everything they had. He would fight for her.
Penelope’s yawning interrupted his thoughts.
“I told you not to overdo it,” he said worriedly.
“I’m fine,” she assured him. There was no way she was going to tell him that it was more the fact that she hadn’t slept very well recently than her practicing.
“You want me to take you to bed?” he asked.
Penelope thought about it for a moment. She really was tired, but she was also sure that she wouldn’t find any more sleep tonight than she had the nights before. It was strange. She felt like something was missing, something that usually helped her sleep.
Besides, going to bed now meant no more cuddling. The only time she really felt good, safe, and secure was when she was lying in his arms. It had always been that way, and that didn’t seem to have changed one bit. It even made her forget about the despair and the chaos of her current situation. She didn’t want to go to bed without any more cuddling beforehand.
If only she could ask him to hold her at night. She was sure she would find a peaceful sleep then. Of course, she couldn’t ask that.
“Can we… watch the rest of the movie first?” she asked instead.
Derek tried his best not to show her how happy this request made him, how his heart jumped at the prospect of being allowed to hold her again.
“Sure,” he replied, trying to sound nonchalant.
Only five minutes later, they were both lying on his couch, Derek’s head resting against a large pillow at the armrest, and Penelope lying next to him, her arm wrapped around his middle and her head resting on his chest. They were both smiling happily, hoping the other didn’t notice.
Derek’s heart sank when the credits rolled over the screen. It meant he had to spend another night tossing and turning on his couch and not finding any sleep, because he missed the feeling of Penelope close to him.
However, when he looked down at her, a smile spread across his face. She was fast asleep in his arms.
Carefully, so that he didn’t wake her up, Derek took the blanket from the armchair next to them, spread it over them, and then turned out the TV and the lights.
He felt Penelope snuggling up closer against him in her sleep, and smiling, he wrapped both arms around her and closed his eyes. New hope was rising in his chest. Maybe he would be able to convince her that he was the father, that it had been their wedding she’d been attending… that he was serious.
Maybe they could go back to what they’d had, even if she never remembered the past three years. All Derek knew for sure was, he wasn’t going to give up fighting for her and for their family, no matter how long it might take.