She'd popped two Aspirin and he'd settled her into his bed with the large TV on. As a result, she felt slightly stronger, and since emptying her stomach earlier, it hadn't been half as unhappy with her. But the chills hadn't dissipated as much as she wanted. Not only that, but in many ways, metaphorically and physically, she still pushed him away. They sat close together, but Emily resisted allowing him to pull her any closer because she didn't want to get him sick.
"Emily, you're still shaking. Body heat is the best way to warm up."
"It's the fever," she snapped. She knew part of her was pulling away to protect herself, but she couldn't seem to make that part of her shut up for a few minutes while she was with him. It was her habit to protect herself.
"Stop it," he said, fighting against her resistance. "Let someone else take care of you."
She took a deep breath. 'Aaron..." Her eyes flew open when he cupped her face in his palms.
"You do not have to protect yourself with me. I like you, Emily. I like spending time with you. And you promised you would try."
Emily bit her lip. "You barely know me."
"I know more than you think," he said quietly. "I know you're beautiful, I can see that. I know you're smart, terrifyingly so. I know that you're passionate and you feel strongly about a lot of things. I know you're afraid of opening your heart to anyone. I know honesty is of the utmost importance to you and that people have to fight for and earn your trust.
"I know that something in politics has made you extremely distrustful of people, and I'd bet that it was your family or someone you loved who has made you so incredibly trustful of me. I hate that it's made you so protective of yourself," he whispered. "Because I think there is a fantastic woman you're hiding, Emily and I wish you'd let me get to know her."
Emily knew her eyes were tearing. "That's a lot," she whispered. "You've been profiling me."
"I don't know how else to tell you that you can trust me," he told her frankly.
And Emily knew this was a turning point. She could tell him about herself, something about her childhood that made her so protective – because there was a list of things that had all ultimately contributed to the complex – or she could close off. She knew if she closed off, she was risking whatever relationship she could have with Aaron. She closed her eyes, trying to find the strength to tell him one of the worst things she could remember.
"I was raised by nannies," she whispered. "I moved around so much that relying on friends... It just wasn't possible. By the time I made friends, I was moving again. So I learned that it just wasn't worth it. At least until I went to high school. My father fought with my mother until she gave in and sent me back to the States to do my high school years. I was excited. No more nannies, just my dad. Daddy always thought I could take care of myself. I just didn't realize how far that meant.
"It started with him. He'd miss dinners, leave me alone in the house for weeks on end... I went to a private high school where I was very much an outsider. They Washington private school arena grew up together. I made a few friends here and there, but four years was less time than I spent in a lot of foreign countries so I figured that it just wasn't worth it, making friends. But Steph just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Her parents were both big political players, both travelling constantly. So I became her only family. And she was the only person I opened up to."
Aaron squeezed her hands. His hand drifted down through her story. "What happened?" he prompted when she fell silent.
"Her boyfriend was abusing her. Not physically, but verbally, mentally, emotionally... And never when I was around. When you grow up in politics, and I mean really grow up in that world, all you really want is for someone to pay attention to you, to love you and to show you that they do. I didn't know what was going on until I read the letter she left for me before she overdosed on her pills for depression. I should have known when they prescribed them, but so many of the kids were on them those days... That was the first time."
"There was another?" he asked, voice pained.
Emily nodded and tried for the smile. "A few more," she whispered. "But we've had enough for one day."
He pulled her into his arms and she went willingly this time, looking for comfort in her exhaustion. His strong arms were tight around her and she ignored the ache in her muscles as he squeezed her to him. He held her head in the crook of his neck and though she didn't cry, she breathed him in, the air stuttering painfully in her lungs. Her hand came up to fist over her heart, surprisingly strong considering how sick she was. Eventually she turned her head, her forehead coming to rest just beneath his chin.
"I want to be here," she whispered. "I want a chance to get to know you."
"I know how much that took for you to tell me," he promised.
"I've never talked about Steph before," she admitted. "I really want to trust you. I want to tell you more, but I need you to understand how much it takes to open myself up sometimes. I'm not perfect Aaron."
"I'm sorry," he said, kissing her forehead gently. "I was expecting a lot of things, but I wasn't expecting that."
"I've got a lot of skeleton's in my closet," she told him softly.
He pushed her chin up with a finger. "I will never ask you to do it again," he swore. "You can tell me when you're ready, but I will never push you to do it again, Emily."
She could see the sincerity in his eyes, but also the curiosity and she wasn't sure she could trust that when he seemed so intensely curious to figure out how she worked. "I want to believe you."
Aaron let go of her chin and cuddled them both down into the pillows. He pulled the blankets up around her shoulders. "I think that's enough deep conversation for one day."
Emily found herself actually chuckling. "Is it nap time?"
"I think it's a good idea," he replied, pulling her closer and nestling her against his side.
Her body started to relax as his hand rubbed up and down her back. Much to her surprise, her eyelids started to droop. Her hand fisted tighter in his shirt. "Aaron?"
"Mmhmm?"
"I like you too," she murmured.
She missed his smile.