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Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking by little_profiler



They stopped by at his apartment first so that Derek could pack some new clothes together. He had taken a shower while Penelope had made some coffee for them and taken care of Clooney who seemed a little disappointed that their camping trip was over.

While he packed he let Penelope take a shower – and he couldn’t stop his thoughts from wandering to the image she would make… in his shower… naked… the hot water running down her porcelain like skin… Focus! he scolded himself. But it was hard, really hard to focus on anything but her. The events of the previous night had just increased his want for her. She was so beautiful, so… perfect. Derek couldn’t find another word.

“Penny.” he heard the soft voice from the door.

Grinning he turned around to look at her and replied: “I was thinking about you and our trip and… well, to be honest it’s hard to repress the want of kissing you breathless the whole day long.”

Penelope felt her cheeks getting hot and looked down so that Derek couldn’t see her blush.

Derek stepped in front of her, wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. “Thank you for the best four days I ever had.” he smiled and leaned down to kiss her.

Sighing she closed her eyes and leaned up to meet his lips.

When Derek pulled back he saw a sad expression on her face and whispered: “Is something wrong, baby girl?”

“No” Penelope assured, “it’s just that… I don’t know. The past four days have brought us so much closer and I… I wouldn’t want to alter them.”

“But?” he softly pressed her.

“I don’t know.” she mumbled and looked down. “It’s just… about last night...”

“I told you there’s no need to be sorry.” Derek reassured her. “And I absolutely don’t want you to apologize. As I said, you’re setting the pace."

“I know.” Penelope nodded. “But I want you to understand that… I didn’t back off because I didn’t want that to happen. I did. It’s just… well, to be honest, after four days without a shower I didn’t feel very comfortable… and… I just want you to know that I really want you. I just thought that…”

He silenced her by putting his finger over her lips and smiled: “Baby girl, you know I appreciate that outstanding brain of yours but sometimes you just think too much.”

“I know.” she sighed again. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“And stop apologizing!” he almost scolded her. “For the first time we were behaving like a real couple and I honestly hope we can go on like that. I mean, it’s not that we ever made much of a secret of our relationship.”

“No.” she smiled and blushed remembering how Derek hadn’t cared about people watching them while they were kissing. “And I never wanted to keep it secret.” As if to prove her words she leaned up and kissed him passionately.

Derek glanced at the clock on his bedroom wall and sighed. “You’d better hurry and get your things. It’s already half past seven.”

“That’s plenty of time.” she frowned.

“Not when I’m taking you out for dinner.” he grinned.
Penelope smiled a little mischievously and asked: “Is that another date?”

“Most definitely!” he chuckled as he led her out of his apartment.

Twenty minutes later Derek leaned in the doorway to her bedroom and watched her packing the suitcase. She was so beautiful, the smile on her face because she knew he was standing there and her amazing voice was humming one of the gospel songs they’d learned. He could spend hours watching her like this knowing that she allowed him to, obviously even enjoyed that he watched her.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at her door. “I’ll get it.” he stated and headed for the door when he heard her okay. He really hoped they weren’t called in for another case. On the other hand it was kind of improbable because Hotch would surely have called them instead of sending someone to Penelope’s apartment.

When Derek opened the door and saw the slim young agent and the grinning blonde standing there he frowned, crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the doorway. “Reid, JJ. We’re not getting another case, right?”

“Nope.” Reid grinned. “JJ beat me at poker so I earned her a movie’s night. We just wanted to ask if the two of you want to join us.”

“She beat you?” Derek’s eyebrows shot up.

“I distracted him a little.” JJ chuckled.

“Yeah, I can imagine that.” Derek grinned. “Hang on, I’ll ask Penelope.”

Just two seconds later he returned with a grinning Penelope at his side. “We’re in.” she said.

“Great”, JJ conspiratorially wrapped her arm around Penelope’s shoulder and whispered, “so, how did your camping trip go?”

“Perfect.” Penelope smiled at her. “Simply perfect.”

“How many times did she actually beat you?” Derek asked as Reid and he sat down in the dual seats while the girls had headed for the rest room.

“Well, I think it’s not that bad.” Reid shrugged. “Actually, I like love movies.”

“Why does that statement not surprise me?” Derek chuckled.

“Come on, a dual seat, your girl, a romantic movie… Don’t tell me you’d like to be anywhere else now.” Reid grinned.

“You got a point there.” he grinned back at him. “So, you and JJ, huh?”

“Nah, not really.” Reid put him off. “I think she was just curious.”

“Curious?” Derek raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, well, you know” the young man started to fumble with his tie, “about you and Garcia. She… wants to know how it’s going, you know.”

“Great.” Derek answered with a suspicious frown.

“That’s… good.” he cleared his throat. “So… it works? I mean, JJ didn’t tell me anything she just… well, mentioned that Garcia wasn’t so sure about this relationship.”

“I know.” Derek nodded. “And from what she told me I understand why she’s so… hesitant and careful.” He was already breathing fire just thinking about her brothers and his fist desperately wanted to punch anything.

Reid knew that it was better to remain silent at the moment.

“You know, I just wish I knew what to do to make her feel sure about my feelings for her and our relationship.” Derek explained. “But I think we’re getting there. I knew it wouldn’t be easy after all she’d been through.”

The young agent just nodded and gave his friend an understanding smile.

“I still can’t believe all that myself.” he smiled. “I mean, it took me so long to realize what she means to me and when I did I was pretty sure she wouldn’t want me. We’ve been best friends for so long and… well, anyway, the four days of camping were really good for us.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Reid chuckled.

This caused Derek to raise another eyebrow at him.

“Well” Reid grinned, “I’ve never seen you so happy before. You’re… more light-hearted today than in the three years I’ve known you.”

He smiled and leaned a little closer. “You know, the funny thing is that I’ve never BEEN so happy before. I never thought I would ever say that about any woman but I want to spend the rest of my life with Penelope.”

“Wow, you’re totally whipped.” and he didn’t even need to be a genius to figure that out.

“Yeah, I probably am.” Derek chuckled. “And it doesn’t bother me one bit. In fact, it’s the best feeling I ever had.”

“But?” Reid asked carefully when he noticed a hint of worry on his friend’s face.

“No but.” Derek sighed. “I was just… thinking. You know, I probably shouldn’t tell you.”

Reid didn’t even consider trying to encourage him. Derek would talk if he wanted to.

“I’m just… a little pissed, that’s all.” he finally grumbled.

“At Garcia?” the other man asked in disbelief.

“No, of course, not.” Derek sighed again. “Okay, she… told me something about her brothers and why she broke contact with them. They were… anything but nice, you know. They were really cruel and they hurt her. And I just… I would like to meet them and…”

“Beat them up?” Reid guessed.

“Yeah” he snorted. “And then give them a piece of my mind. I mean, how stupid have they been not to realize what a wonderful sister they have. Penelope’s beautiful, brilliant and good-hearted and as long as I’ve known her I’m sure she was willing to give them all the love she had to offer – and they treated her like a piece of shit. They should have been glad to have a sister like her. I think anyone would be.”

“I am.” Reid smiled. “I mean, she’s the closest to a sister I ever had and… well, no one cared so much about me before. If I had a sister, I would want her to be exactly like Garcia.”

“See, that’s what I mean.” Derek nodded. “I just can’t understand how they could treat her like that. I had fights with my sisters too but… you know.”

“I’m sure they loved her” Reid murmured, “she’s their sister after all. Maybe it was just…”

“That’s the exact problem.” Derek cut him off. “There shouldn’t be any just, you know what I mean? They should have simply loved her!”

Again he just nodded.

“I love Penelope without any but or it’s just and I know it’s an honor to be loved by her. I can’t understand why her brothers didn’t think about her the same way.” Derek paused for a moment before he added: “I want to make sure no one ever hurts her again. You know, I… want to keep her safe. But I fear I can’t. I already failed once.”

“Isn’t it kinda the same with children?” Reid smiled. “I mean, you try your best to keep them safe, protect them from getting hurt. But eventually you have to fail. I think maybe it’s more important to be there to heal them afterwards.”

Derek gave him an approving smile: “I didn’t know you could be so profound.”

“Yeah, strange that you’re the one who gets all the girls, right?” he grinned and pointed his head towards a young woman who shyly smiled at Derek.

Derek just laughed: “You can have her if you like. I already found the one and only girl and I’m absolutely not planning to let her go, ever.”

“Wow.” Reid gasped. “You really love her.”

“You have no idea.” Derek smiled. He suddenly noticed a movement behind them and turned around just to see Penelope standing there, tears in her eyes. How much of the conversation had she heard? Was she pissed because he’d told Reid about her brothers?

All his worries disappeared when Penelope smiled, took the seat next to him and snuggled up against him.

A few minutes through the movie he felt her raising her head to look at him. “Thank you” she whispered, “for… everything you said.”

“I meant it.” Derek softly assured.

“I know.” she nodded and pulled him closer. “I know.”

Derek gently cupped her face with his hands and kissed her deeply. Soon they completely forgot about the movie.

Reid poked JJ’s side and grinned down at her when she raised her head from where it had been resting against his shoulder.

She looked over to the couple next to them and grinned back at Reid.

“I’d say it works well.” he chuckled.

“I think you hit the nail on the head once again.” JJ giggled and leaned her head back against his shoulder.

Penelope and Derek forgot about the movie, about JJ and Reid next to them – and about everyone else in the room. They didn’t break apart until the lights were turned back on.

“What about dinner?” Derek suggested nonchalantly. Since Reid and JJ had invited them to the movie it was only fair to invite them for dinner.

“Good idea.” Penelope nodded and smiled at him.

“Did you like the movie?” JJ asked while they were waiting for their meals.

“Actually” Penelope blushed a little but grinned at Derek nonetheless, “I have no idea what it was about.”

“Me neither.” he chuckled and leaned over to kiss her.

“Hey” JJ scolded, “as much as I like the fact that you’re an item and actually behaving like you are you shouldn’t overdo it.”

“Jealous you didn’t miss the movie because you were kissing the whole time?” Derek grinned at her and glanced at Reid whose cheeks turned bright red.

“Who says I didn’t.” JJ shrugged which made the color of Reid’s cheeks match the tomato sauce on his freshly served Spaghetti.

“Oh, come on, you and Reid?” Penelope giggled. “Never.”

“He’s just too much of a gentleman to ravish me like this.” JJ put her best friend off.

“Well, we’ve already moved on from the state of gentleman-like behavior.” Derek grinned.

“Yeah, we could see that.” JJ giggled. “And hear it, by the way.”

“Oh, really?” Derek countered. “I thought it was drowned out by all the moaning from your seat.” His voice became an octave higher and he mock-moaned: “Oh, Reid, that’s so good!”

Penelope and JJ burst out laughing and Reid couldn’t help but join them. Derek just smiled at the beautiful woman next to him. She was bubbling over with laughter and that sound together with the sight of her desperately trying to catch her breath while laughing so hard that it brought tears to her eyes was so adorable to him that he simply enjoyed the moment.

He loved to see her laugh, light-hearted and happy as if nothing bad had ever happened to her. And to know that he could make her laugh like that was somehow soothing. He could heal her, just like she had healed him.

“As much as I enjoyed this evening, I fear we have to call it a night.” Derek stated anytime around eleven p.m. “Our plane takes off at eight tomorrow.”

Penelope nodded and handed Derek his jacket with an inviting smile. This evening had been pure heaven, especially the one and a half hour kissing throughout the movie – and Penelope definitely didn’t want to do without lying in his arms tonight. Plus, it was much easier if they headed for the airport together the next day.

Derek immediately understood. Grinning he followed her out of the restaurant and to her car. He couldn’t help but hope that her invitation over to her place meant a little more kissing and petting today – just like last night. He smiled at this memory. It had been more than the usual cuddling and it had felt really good.

He didn’t even think of offering to spend the night on her couch. When Penelope returned from the bathroom, Derek was already laying in her bed grinning from ear to ear.

Smiling she slid under the blanket, snuggled up close against him and leaned down to kiss him passionately.
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