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Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking by little_profiler



Penelope was a little sad when they had to call it a day to be home for dinner on time. It had been so much fun to spend the day with Derek and his sisters. She’d been alone for so long now that she’d almost forgotten how great it was to spend time with a family.

Fran had already prepared dinner when they came back and Penelope realized once more how much she missed her mother “ and how good it felt to have someone who took care of her just as her mother used to.

“Okay, baby brother!” Sarah announced and grinned at him holding up the box of ‘Clue’. “Now we’re gonna find out if you as the big bad FBI agent that you are can beat us at catching the bad guy.”

“Well, if you let me be in a team with the goddess of all knowledge that won’t be a problem.” he chuckled. “But if we’re opponents I don’t have a chance.”

“No worries.” Penelope smiled. “I’m not sure I can track the bad guy down if I’m not allowed to use my babies.”

Fran, Des and Sarah raised their eyebrows at her.

“Oh, well, my computers.” she explained. “They’re… in a way like my babies. I love them. Strange, I know.”

“You wouldn’t be as outstanding in your job if you didn’t.” Derek shrugged.

“Well then, let’s see if any of us can beat you at ‘Clue’.” Des giggled as Sarah prepared the game and dealt handing Derek, Penelope and Des four cards each and her mother and herself three.

Penelope looked at her cards. The hall, the pistol, the dining room and the ballroom. At least it should be easy to find out where the crime took place.

“So, Derek, what does the profile say about the killer?” Sarah asked playfully as she sat down at the table.

“I don’t even have a crime scene nor a weapon.” he shrugged. “And I don’t know much about the victimology so it’s impossible to give a profile. But the average serial killer for instance is a white male from a lower-to-middle-class background, usually in his twenties or thirties. So that’s what we usually start from. However, given the fact that this is a game and you took the cards at random the chance that the killer is male is fifty per cent.”

“You almost sound like Reid.” Penelope giggled.

“Oh, my God.” Derek put his hand over his mouth staring at her in mocked shock. “I knew it, the kid is infectious!”

Penelope laughed heartily and Derek joined in.

“You really have to bring him here next time you visit.” Des grinned at them.

“Let’s get started!” Derek frowned and took a look at his own cards. Mr. Green, the billiards, the study and the wrench. At least Des and Sarah couldn’t tease him that he was the killer since Mr. Green was his own token.

“Penelope, you’re the youngest of us.” Sarah smiled. “That means you’ll start.”

“Okay.” she nodded, threw the dice and moved her token into the dining room. Checking her cards once again she moved Derek’s token and the pistol into the room. “I suggest the crime was committed by Mr. Green in the dining room with the pistol.”

She had to ask each of her opponents until Derek showed her the card of Mr. Green and she crossed the name out on her notebook.

“Wow, you really got me worried your first guess might be right.” Des smiled and sighed with relief.

“Do you know what the chance for that is given the possibilities of who, where and with what weapon?” Sarah shook her head to show that she found this statement rather ridiculous.

“I bet Reid could measure that in the blink of an eye.” Derek grinned.

“324 to one.” Penelope informed them.

Derek turned his head and gave her a surprised look.

“I’m sorry.” she mumbled and looked down. “It’s six times six times nine possibilities so… 324 to one.”

“I didn’t know you were a human calculator.” he said giving her an appreciating smile.

“You know, I love my babies.” Penelope shrugged. “But I don’t like to rely on them too much.”

“I would really like to see you and Reid in a mental math competition.” he chuckled.

“He would win, no question about it.” Penelope put him off.

“Okay, my turn.” Sarah announced and threw the dice. “I suggest the crime was committed by Miss Scarlet in the library with the rope.”

Des sitting next to her showed one of her cards to Sarah.

Derek and his sisters were still a little like children in a constant competition. They informed each other that they had a suspect or knew with what weapon or where the crime was committed.

“Have you played this game before?” Fran asked Penelope after a few minutes.

“Yeah, once when I was about sixteen with some friends of mine.” she replied. “I’m more fond of online games “ usually.”

“You mean like… video games?” she asked.

“No, more like role play games.” Penelope answered. “You know, playing a different character or sometimes even yourself. It’s a lot of fun “ unless you meet a serial killer who hacks your system and you put your whole family into danger.”

“That was a mistake.” Derek softly said. “Things like that happen to all of us “ but it helped you track him down.”

“I suggest the crime was committed by Mrs. White in the kitchen with the knife.” Des announced to ease the tension and continue the game.

It took exactly two hours, twelve minutes and thirty-eight seconds until Penelope announced: “I accuse Mrs. Peacock of committing the crime in the conservatory with the candlestick.”

Sarah handed her the envelope and Penelope took a brief look at the cards before she placed them on the table.

Derek grinned at her: “No killer has any chance to get away when you’re after him.”

“That was just good guessing.” she smiled. “And a lot of luck.”

“Are you okay, sweetness?” Derek asked a little concerned as they prepared to go to bed a little later. “You’ve been rather quiet since we came back.”

“I’m sorry.” she smiled at him. “I’m fine. I had just forgotten what it’s like to have a family. I think I just have to get used to this feeling again.”

“I bet it won’t take you very long.” he smiled and patted the bed next to him.

“You’re making it really easy.” she purred as she crawled into the bed next to him. “All of you.” Grinning she leaned down to kiss him passionately.

Derek’s hand slid behind her head to pull her closer and he gently turned them around so that they were both laying on their sides facing each other. But tonight the kissing seemed even more passionate to Derek, even more demanding than ever before. Again he started to run his hand up and down her arm and her soft hands gently stroked his muscular chest.

Penelope sighed, wrapped her leg around his waist and moved closer.

Carefully Derek touched her leg and was relieved when she didn’t pull back. He shifted closer himself and desperately fought against the reactions of his body to the passionate kissing. But he couldn’t stop the growl that came from somewhere deep in his throat. Her touch just felt so unbelievably good.

The sound Derek was making in reply to her touch sent a pleasurable shiver down Penelope’s spine. She was the one who made him feel like that. Her touch had drawn this sound from him. She felt almost proud to have such an effect on him.

His hand moved slowly up her leg to her hip and then back down to her ankle. When Derek moved his hand up again he slightly brushed her shirt away and touched the soft skin underneath. He smiled when she shivered and after a few minutes he carefully let his hand move higher and the next second he gasped when he felt one of her hands sliding deeper.

“Baby girl?” he whispered pulling back to look at her. “Are you… sure you want this?”

She blushed deeply and looked down as she replied: “I… I just thought we could go a little farther. Like… taking the next step, you know.”

Not exactly sure what that was supposed to mean Derek softly replied: “Whenever you say stop we will stop.”

“Okay.” she whispered and continued her exploration of his body smiling when she caused him to gasp or moan. She decided it couldn’t hurt to let her want take over control. For the first time she acted without thinking. She didn’t want to think about what was happening or where this was going. After all, they had both already thought way too much. Penelope just wanted and this time she wouldn’t let this feeling scare her. She didn’t plan to back off.

Carefully Derek let his hand move up her body cherishing the feeling of her soft skin that crawled under his touch.

Penelope broke the kiss and leaned her head against his forehead when her breathing sped up. She couldn’t believe that this was happening, that she finally LET it happen.

After a while she moved her hand past his waistband and her heart started pounding like mad when his hand moved further down her body. She wasn’t exactly sure where this was going but at the moment she didn’t care she just wanted it to happen. His hands made her feel things she hadn’t felt in a very long time. Maybe she’d never even felt like this before. Derek’s touch sent her straight to heaven and she didn’t want these feelings to end.

He pulled back a little when his hand reached his target, he simply had to watch her. Her eyes fluttered shut, she bit her lower lip and she looked so adorable. When her head flew back and she revealed as much of her throat as possible Derek couldn’t resist.

He took the opportunity to nibble at her soft skin causing her to moan. God, this felt so incredibly good and within an instant all thoughts were blown out off his mind. He heard her whisper his name and that sound was too much for him to take.

For a long time there was only their heavy breathing filling the room.

“That was… good.” Penelope panted her eyes still closed. Her lids just felt much too heavy to open them.

“Yeah.” was all Derek could reply and he leaned his forehead against hers. He couldn’t quite believe this had just happened.

She moved a little closer and placed her head on his chest.

Smiling Derek wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed the top of her head. “See, that was what I meant about the development of our relationship.” he said in a low voice. “There’re so many things we can do before we actually have sex.”

“Hm...” she replied already half asleep.

“I love you, baby girl.” he smiled and kissed her hair once again. “The last weeks were the best time of my life. I can’t remember the last time I felt so good and it’s… well, all because of you to be honest. I never did anything to deserve you, do you know that?”

Penelope didn’t answer and Derek realized that she had already fallen asleep. Smiling he closed his eyes. It didn’t take long and he fell asleep as well.

When Penelope woke up the bed next to her was empty. She stretched herself and sighed contentedly. Then she got up to take a quick shower. When she walked towards the kitchen door she heard two voices “ Derek’s and Fran’s “ coming out of the room. For a moment she hesitated not wanting to interrupt a conversation between Derek and his mother. She turned to go back to his room when she heard a sentence that made her froze in the middle of the movement.

“I really thought you loved her “ for a brief moment.” Fran said.

“Are you kidding me?” Derek laughed. “I mean, honestly, we don’t have the least bit in common. She’s… challenging to say the least, nosey and pretty bothersome. I have no idea how aunt Mary could think she would be the perfect girl for me.”

“I have.” Fran giggled. “She’s pretty much the same.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” he chuckled. “I honestly don’t know who of them is the bigger pain in the ass.”

“So she was just an easy lay, huh?”

“Mom!” Derek exclaimed in obvious shock about her choice of words.

“What?” she asked innocently. “Am I wrong about that?”

“No… um… I didn’t… We didn’t have sex, okay?!” he stuttered. “And you shouldn’t talk like that!”

“About her?” she asked. “I thought you didn’t like her.”

“She’s one of the worst women I ever met.” he affirmed. “But you shouldn’t talk like that… about her or anyone else. You simply… shouldn’t use words like ‘lay’.”

“Why not?” Fran shrugged.

“Well, because… you’re my mother.” he said. “Mothers shouldn’t use such words.”

This statement caused Fran to laugh heartily. “Well, from the way you treated her I could have sworn you liked her.”

“I just didn’t want to hurt her feelings.” he shrugged. “Besides, how should I have told her that she was not at all my type? In a polite way, I mean.”

Penelope stumbled a few steps backwards. She felt like someone had stabbed a knife directly into her heart. This couldn’t be true! She must have misheard that… or maybe just misinterpreted. After everything that had happened between them “ and after everything Derek had said to her… he wouldn’t talk about her like that. He simply wouldn’t.

Yet he had always been a womanizer, getting tired of his latest hook up after at least a couple of weeks. He had sex, not relationships “ he’d said that to her himself once when she’d been teasing him about constantly looking for his next ex-girlfriend.

But Penelope had hoped that it would be different with her, that he simply wouldn’t treat her like that, wouldn’t do this to her. Apparently, her hope had been pathetic. Who was she to honestly believe that of all the women he’d already had or could still have he would pick her to spend the rest of his life with?!

He could do so much better than her. And he knew that. Of course, he did. But he was a nice guy, right? At least, that’s what Penelope thought she knew about him. He was sweet and caring and lovely. What if all that had just been an act?

Could that be possible? Had he made so much effort just to lay her? She wasn’t even worth that, was she? On the other hand, he didn’t happen to know many oversized women and even fewer trusted him enough to spend a night with him. So if he had just been interested in an experience like that, she was apparently the only target “ or maybe just the easiest.

Maybe they hadn’t been talking about her but somebody else. One of his ex-girlfriends. But he had never introduced any woman to his family before her, he’d said that himself. So they couldn’t have been talking about another woman “ which allowed only one conclusion…

She should have known better. In fact, she had known better! She’d known Derek didn’t want a serious relationship, especially not with someone like her. She’d known that the whole time. She had lived in a dream “ and now she had woken up. It was over even before it had actually began. Maybe it was even better this way.

But still it hurt like only few things she could think of had ever hurt before. Tears sprung to her eyes and she ran back up the stairs to his room. She would pack her things and leave “ as fast as possible.

And then? How could she ever look at him again “ let alone talk to him “ after everything that had happened?! Well, it probably wouldn’t take long to resign, find a new job and move as far away from him as possible. At least not for someone with her skills. She’d gotten quite a few job offerings over the years, accepted none of them, apparently.

But that meant it wouldn’t be too hard to find a new job “ anywhere. And she could just send her resignation via mail. No need to deliver it by hand. She could search the internet for a new job while she was packing. Europe maybe, she’d always wanted to see Paris.

That was a good plan. She would sneak out of the house unnoticed and leave. Derek was never going to find her. She would start a new life and forget about everything that had happened to her “ once again.

When she had closed the door to his room behind her, she burst into tears.
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