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Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking by little_profiler



AN: I know, it’s been a long time even though I promised I’d hurry. Well, things are still somehow crazy over here but I’m honestly trying to make it better. Anyways, there will be one more chapter but it certainly won’t end like all of you want it to. But this is just because I’m planning on writing a sequel that somehow doesn’t work as a single story.

But now I hope you enjoy this chapter!


“You still won’t tell me where we’re going, right?” Penelope asked. They’d shared another breakfast in bed that Saturday, taken Clooney for a walk and after lunch Derek had finally told her it was time for the surprise. She’d been jittery ever since Derek had told her what he’d planned for today.

Now she felt a little awkward being blindfolded in his car. But she wasn’t scared, it was amazing how safe she felt when she was with him.

“Sorry, sweetness.” Derek smiled at her. “As I said it’s gonna be a surprise. But you’ll see it in less than five minutes, I promise.”

“You already said that half an hour ago.” she grumbled.

Derek just chuckled slightly. “You’re pretty impatient, goddess.”

“Of course, I am.” she grinned. “You’ve been keeping me in suspense long enough.”

“We’re here.” he announced. He certainly wouldn’t tell her that he’d just been cruising around for the past thirty minutes so she wouldn’t notice their destination was pretty close to his apartment.

“Finally.” Penelope mumbled as she waited for Derek to help her out of his car since she still wasn’t allowed to take of the blindfold.

When Derek removed it her jaw dropped. She looked at Derek and then back at the sight in front of her. “No.” she just whispered.

“Yes.” Derek grinned. “Come on and take a closer look!”

The house was huge, to say the least, and it was fully furnished. No, that was certainly the wrong description because it didn’t look like someone had lived in it lately. There was only the basic furniture, beds in the bedroom and the two guestrooms, a few dressers and wardrobes as well as tables and chairs but no personal things.

Nonetheless it looked very cozy, especially with the fireplace in the huge living room with the lambskin in front of it.

When Penelope stepped inside she gasped at the sight in front of her. To her left there was the huge living room, a nice living room suit in it’s middle facing the fireplace and the huge TV screen that was hanging on the wall nearby.

Opposite the entrance there was a large glass door leading to the back porch and a garden. And to the right there was the kitchen which was almost as big as Penelope’s whole apartment “ or at least it seemed like that to her. There was a low kitchen counter separating the kitchen from the living room.

The table in the middle of the kitchen was big enough for the whole team and Derek’s family to sit down at it, not to mention the cupboards that could hold Derek’s and her own dishes at least two times. And there were a high tech oven, a microwave and a dishwasher built into the kitchen.

Behind the front door to the right there were stairs leading to the second floor and under them a door that lead into the flagged bathroom which had a shower and a huge bathtub in it. Next to the bathroom there was a guest room and the last door downstairs let Penelope’s jaw drop again. The room behind it was about half as big as her office at Quantico and there were three computer screens hanging on the wall, another two standing on the table.

There was a wireless keyboard, a high tech multifunctional printer and a tool kit that looked exactly like the one she had in her office to fix her computers there. Penelope could see the internet connection and the empty space for her own laptop.

“In case you want to or need to work at home some day.” Derek smiled at her.

“I love it.” Penelope whispered. It was hard to believe that Derek had done all this just for her. “Thank you.” she turned around to pull him into a passionate kiss.

Chuckling to himself Derek led her upstairs where he showed her the two other guest rooms and the bathroom that was even bigger than the one downstairs. He saved the master bedroom for last and when Penelope stepped in she knew why.

The walls were purple, just the same color she’d used to paint the walls of her apartment. And there were some of her accessories in a shelf that looked like the one in her living room and Penelope could have sworn they had still been in their places at her apartment last time she’d been there.

“I hope you like it.” Derek grinned. “It took me a while to find the right color.”

“How did you…” she whispered pointing at the shelf with her accessories.

“A magician never reveals his secrets.” he smiled as he wrapped his arms around her. “I just wanted you to feel at home here.”

“I do.” she nodded as she sank back into his arms. “Actually, I was just thinking whether Fran, Des and Sarah could forgive us if we stayed overnight.”

“Hm… I was hoping for you to say that.” he smiled and nibbled her neck once again. That could definitely become his favorite pastime, Penelope just tasted so good and Derek loved the soft moans this could draw from her lips.

“Why?” she sighed as a pleasurable thrill rushed through her body.

“What?” he whispered all wrapped up in the taste and the feeling of her soft skin.

“You just said you were glad that I want to spend the night here.” she reminded him with a soft giggle.

“I remember.” he chuckled and unwillingly let go of her. Then he led her to a huge walk-in closet and grinned as he opened the door.

“You took care of everything, didn’t you?” Penelope giggled as her eyes fell upon a collection of her favorite clothes.

“I tried my best.” the grin on his face became just a little wider. “So you think you could stand spending a while here?”

“Not only that.” she smiled as she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him. “I could totally stand spending the rest of my life here. How fast do you think I can terminate my lease?!”

“So I guess you like it.” he smiled contentedly.

Penelope nodded and gave him a soft kiss. “It’s perfect.”

“And you haven’t even seen all of it yet.” Derek softly pecked her lips before he grabbed her hand and pulled her with him into the next room.

Penelope was completely stunned at the sight in front of her. Her vision blurred as tears filled her eyes and she quickly wiped them away.

“I wanted to keep it neutral.” Derek softly said pointing at the walls that were painted in a warm yellow.

“It’s so beautiful.” she whispered as she took a step forward and traced the line of the wooden crib with her fingers.

“The crib’s a gift from mom.” Derek proudly informed her. “It was mine until I was about two.”

Penelope turned towards him and gave him a watery smile. “I don’t know what to say.” she whispered and wiped away the new tears that were running down her cheeks. “I never thought… I… That’s so not fair.”

Smiling Derek caught her in his arms and swayed her from side to side. “I never thought I wanted children either until we became serious. Mom completely freaked when I asked her for the crib.”

“Yeah, I can imagine that.” Penelope sniffled against his chest.

Derek gently placed his finger under her chin and lifted her head to give her a soft kiss. “Come on, baby girl. There’s still something I want to show you.”

That being said he grabbed her hand and led her back downstairs and into the huge garden.

About half an hour later they were lying in the hammock in the beautiful garden behind the house, just slightly swinging. Penelope’s back was settled against Derek’s chest, her head resting on his shoulder.

“Well, my sweet lady, do you like your surprise?” Derek whispered into her ear.

“It’s perfect.” she smiled and closed her eyes happily. “So, how did you know which equipment I needed to work at home and, most of all, how did you get it all installed?”

“Nancy Moore helped me a little.” he explained.

“The technical analyst from the third floor?” she turned her head a little to look at him.

“Yeah” Derek chuckled, “she helped me pick out all that stuff since I don’t know that much about computers.”

“So that other girl, the one you met for lunch, was a realtor who helped you pick the house and buy it?” Kevin’s description just didn’t fit Nancy Moore.

“No” Derek chuckled, “the house was already mine. I met her to prepare another surprise.”

She almost sat upright. “What other surprise?”

“Later, baby girl.” he smiled and pulled her back against him. “Let’s enjoy this a little longer.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon in the hammock talking about additional furnishing and accessories for the house until Derek suggested going inside and having dinner. They ordered some food from a nearby restaurant and Derek started a fire in the fireside.

“So” Penelope started and picked at the food on her plate basically so that she didn’t have to look at him, “this is… was your… love nest or something?”

Derek frowned at her. It wasn’t even necessary to be a profiler to tell from her behavior that she was feeling uncomfortable at asking this but yet had to know. “What do you mean?” he pressed her, even though he had a slight idea of what she was talking about.

“Well… I was just wondering…” she continued and cleared her throat, looking further down out of embarrassment and a whiff of fear of what he might answer. “The house is impressive so why not… you know? You certainly took many of your dates here.” All of them, presumably.

“No” Derek chuckled, “actually not one.”

This however caused her head to shoot up and she looked at him in confusion. Did that mean that she was the first woman he’d gone out with to ever see this place?

Giving her a warm smile he reached out to cup her cheek and softly explained: “When I bought this house I knew that it was special, that it would be the place for me to settle down and start a family. That’s why I only wanted to show it to the one woman I wanted to have this family with.”

His words had often managed to take her by surprise, touch her deeply and leave her speechless. But what she felt at the moment was exceeding everything she’d ever felt before. Her heart was aching with emotion and she felt as if she was about to burst with pure joy.

When Derek saw the tears forming in her eyes he thought that maybe his statement had been a little overdone. Not that he hadn’t meant it, but he hadn’t wanted her to start crying “ no matter if with joy or not. Moreover, the silence that settled between them was starting to get oppressive. Every attempt to continue this conversation in a serious way was useless after what he’d just said because they would automatically try to better it.

So he decided that it was time to lighten up the mood a little. “Besides I still had three other houses I could take them to.”

Penelope was puzzled for a minute. But when she saw the playfulness in his eyes she laughed and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. And then she grabbed his shirt to pull him into a very passionate kiss.

“Wow!” Derek panted as they broke the kiss for air. “I didn’t know you could be so greedy.”

This caused her cheeks to turn the cutest and most definitely sexiest shade of pink he’d ever seen. He felt a sudden want rising in his chest. A feeling that wasn’t the least bit unknown to him, but the intensity was somewhat new.

He couldn’t resist, so he leaned over to steal another hungry kiss from her.

“It’s not like you’re really frugal.” she gasped.

“All because of you.” he mumbled against her lips as he pulled her onto his lap. “God, I want you so much!” he added as he started to nibble her neck once more. He was so addicted to that, he could have spent hours doing nothing but his best to leave a mark there “ and tasting her soft skin.

“Yeah, that’s… kinda obvious.” Penelope couldn’t stop the soft moan he drew from her lips, nor the shiver his touch sent through her body as his hand slid under her shirt, a shiver of excitement and lust mixed with an ever so tiny touch of apprehension.

But it was enough for Derek to notice. Enough to make him stop and look at her. “Are you okay?” the concern was more than evident in his voice. But there also was something else.

“Yeah, I… I’m fine.” she mumbled and looked down. “Just… you know…”

“We still don’t have to do this.” Derek gently reminded her. “As much as I want this to happen, the last thing I want is to make you feel forced to do something you’re not yet…”

“I want this.” she interrupted him nervously looking anywhere but into his eyes.

Derek waited for her to say anything in addition. He didn’t even need to profile her to know that there was more to it. “But?” he softly asked.

She didn’t answer but just shrugged.

“Maybe we should wait.” Derek decided and let go of her. She obviously wasn’t ready for this no matter how much she pretended to be.

“No” she quickly objected. “I… don’t stop!”

Derek sighed and frowned at her. As much as he loved Penelope sometimes she gave him a really hard time understanding her. Why couldn’t she just talk to him? “You’re not ready for this.” he stated.

“I am!” Penelope assured him. “It’s just…”

“What is it?” he demanded to know when she refused to finish the sentence.

“It’s stupid.” Penelope whispered and looked further down.

“It’s bothering you.” he stated trying to look into her face, but she still avoided his look. “Then it can’t be stupid.”

“It’s just… you know…” God, why couldn’t the ground just open up and swallow her right now?! Penelope took a deep breath and failed trying not to blush. That was going to be so embarrassing! “Well…” she started to stutter, “you’re… so… experienced and… I’m… not.” There, she’d said it. And it was stupid!

Derek frowned at her. He opened his mouth to say something in return “ but since he wasn’t sure what her words were supposed to mean, he wasn’t sure how to answer.

When Derek didn’t say anything in return Penelope was frightened that he might have gotten wrong what she’d just said so she quickly added: “It’s not that I haven’t had sex before it’s just that… well, it’s been quite a while and… Could we end this conversation?”

“Baby, why is this bothering you?” he asked softly.
Again she just shrugged.

Derek gave her a scolding frown: “Talk to me, Penelope!”

“I just… don’t want you to be… disappointed.” she whispered.

Derek boggled and stared at her for a second. “Why would I be?”

She finally raised her head to look at him again and she could see that he really had no idea what she was so apprehensive of. A small smile formed on her face: “I told you it was stupid.”

“Why, Penelope?” he insisted.

“Because… I don’t know.” she whispered. “I’m so not like the women you had before and…”

“This is not some competition.” he burst out before he could even think about it.

“I know” she assured him, “but… I mean… Seeing me topless is one thing but completely naked…”

That word drew a low growl from Derek’s chest and Penelope smiled shyly.

“Stop worrying so much.” he said in a deep, calm and somewhat seductive voice. “I don’t expect anything from you, just that you lean back and enjoy this!”

Her whole body was trembling as she did as she was told and laid back on the lambskin. But Derek was so sweet and gentle that soon Penelope stopped caring about anything else but him, his kisses and his touch. That night he achieved something no one had ever been able to do before.

For the first time in her life Penelope felt beautiful and adorable.
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