Emily woke slowly the next morning, surprised to find her head comfortably pillowed against something, but weighed down by something else. Her eyes fluttered open, taking in all they could without moving. It took her a few moments to find her bearings, to remind herself that she was in her room at Hotch’s place. Which meant only one thing:
Her very comfortable pillow could be nothing but the man himself.
She tried to glance at the clock, to see what time it was. Then she heard the beeping of Aaron’s alarm clock start from his room. Her mind was beginning to piece together the night and she felt embarrassment paint her cheeks pink just as he started to move. She stayed still as his head lifted from hers, waiting a few seconds before following. Her neck popped painfully with the movement and her right hand came up to push and knead at the muscles. “Morning,” she greeted softly.
He smiled sleepily, still not fully awake, his own hand coming up to take the place of hers. “Morning.”
His voice was attractively scratchy and made her shiver pleasantly as she tilted her neck toward him, stretching out the muscle while he worked his magic. She sighed happily. “We shouldn’t have slept like that.”
Aaron nodded his agreement, stretching his neck even as his hand continued to work the kinks out of hers. “You fell asleep. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said on a pleased groan as her neck popped again. “I didn’t mean to.”
He nodded again and yawned. “What time is it?”
This time, she could crane her neck to see. “Seven. Your alarm just went off.”
Aaron nodded. “I have to go into the office.”
Emily knew that. He’d only gotten back yesterday and there was still the team debrief to do, not to mention the paperwork to file. “I know.”
Yet neither of them moved.
Finally, his hand trailed away from her shoulder, brushing across the back of her neck to make her shiver again. His head was resting back against the mattress and she could tell he was debating something in his head. She nudged his side gently. “Penny for your thoughts.”
There were many things running though his head at that particular moment. Like what it felt like to wake up next to her, to just sit there for a few moments before moving to get ready for the day. He hadn’t felt this content since Haley had been around and part of him was definitely terrified at the prospect. She was his subordinate and he was a workaholic. He was married to his job. He knew that no matter how happy he was about having her around, it either wouldn’t last “ not to mention Emily’s own mixed signals “ or he’d lose her because of his over-dedication to his job. Either way, there was nothing more that could come of this.
But there was something else at the forefront of his brain, something that made him curious. He’d found her sleeping calmly in his bed the afternoon before, but when she’d gotten back to her own, she’d had a vicious nightmare. He’d come to check on her, to calm her down and when they fell asleep again, she’d slept through the rest of the night, dream free. Or so he assumed. So he turned intensely curious eyes on her. “Did you sleep well?” He got his answer in the flush that raced across her cheeks.
“I did,” she answered softly. She knew that her answer was redundant. She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for falling asleep on you like that.”
He shook his head, his eyes still trained on her. “It’s okay,” he said.
Emily knew there was something else he wanted to say and waited patiently for him to ask. Her gut told her she wasn’t going to like the question, but she waited anyway.
“You haven’t been taking as many pills, have you?”
She wrinkled her nose at him, trying to inject some playfulness into the situation. “Can you imagine me on a case with drugs? Strauss would have my head, even if I am her favourite.”
Aaron, however, was serious. He was on the scent of something and he wasn’t about to let it go just yet. “And the drugs make sure you don’t have nightmares, right?”
Her smile dropped. She knew she didn’t have to answer that question. She looked away, down at her hands, picking at her fingernails. She almost jumped when his hand came under her chin.
Aaron got his answer from Emily’s eyes. He made her feel better. He stopped the nightmares, or at least kept them at bay. It was a huge burden to hold on his shoulders, but one he found, much to his sudden surprise, he didn’t mind having. He didn’t say anything else. She was feeling vulnerable as it was, embarrassed by his read on her behaviour. Instead, he let go of her chin. “I’m off to have a shower.”
She had a love-hate relationship with profilers. She was glad she didn’t have to tell him and even happier that he hadn’t pushed the issue. “I’ll make coffee.”
Aaron settled his head on his hand for what felt like the millionth time that day. He’d been distracted during the debriefing, still hadn’t finished his report and had a meeting with JJ in ten minutes. He was quite thoroughly distracted by the new development in Emily’s recovery. There were a few ways he could handle it. He knew she wanted to cut back on the number of pills and she effectively had, but at the expense of finding something else that made her feel safe.
And that happened to be him. Academically, it was something that was partially natural. He understood that he would be the natural attachment. Not only had she been staying with him, but he’d been there in the hospital and he’d been there through every step of her recovery. He worried and he called and he checked in.
Which wasn’t to say he didn’t put stock in it. He didn’t blame himself, nor did he blame her. Behaviourally, it was normal. They found safety in each other. And it wasn’t like he was innocent in the whole thing. Having her at home meant there was someone there to meet him, someone there to eat dinner with, someone to distract him from the terrible things he saw. If she was using him for comfort, he was using her as someone to come home to without the benefits or ties of a relationship.
There was no threat to him being hurt if no ties were involved. The only tie between him and Emily was their job. But he wasn’t blind, he wasn’t stupid, he wasn’t naïve. They’d both been crossing signals in the last three months, both been pushing and pulling away. He knew more about her than he knew about any of his other teammates. He knew she hated cooked carrots, but would eat them raw like they were candy. He knew she preferred some sort of fruit for a snack instead of chips, but indulged herself whenever they were all-dressed. She was hopeless when using the barbeque or the oven, but could make a delicious meal using only the stovetop and the microwave.
“Hotch?”
He looked up in surprise to find JJ standing in the door. “Hey, come on in.”
“Everything okay?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he said, trying not to sound as exhausted as he felt. “Tired.”
JJ gave him a sympathetic smile. “Nightmares?”
How the hell had she hit the nail on the head with that? He took odd comfort in the embarrassment that floated across her face.
“Sorry, sir,” she apologized. “I just remember the Henkel case…”
He gave her a small smile. It scared him, sometimes, how their lives were defined by their cases. Henkel was a bad one that very few of the team ever forgave themselves for. They were still beating themselves up, apparently. It had been traumatic for JJ. He was pretty sure she hadn’t touched a dog since. He offered her a little bit of an out. “Emily’s been having them, yes.”
JJ nodded. “I figured she would. Garcia still gets them sometimes.” Then she was all business and Aaron forced himself to focus.
His Emily issues could wait.
She was glad he hadn’t been awkward when he’d returned home. Breakfast had been quiet and only slightly off kilter and she was terrified about what a day in the office would do. But when he returned he was all smiles and just ‘Aaron’, so much so that she almost cried. They goofed around while they cooked dinner and sat at the dining room table perusing consults and trading the crossword.
Eventually, Emily yawned and Aaron knew he had a choice to make. He could send her to bed and deal with the nightmare when it eventually came, or he could nip the nightmare in the bud. He still hadn’t decided which he was going to do. “Bedtime?”
The time Emily was dreading. What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to ask if she could just sleep in his bed? Against him would have been even better, but she wasn’t stupid enough to even let herself think it, let alone bring it up. “Soon.” She stood and stretched as best she could, cracking vertebrae as she did. “I’m going to watch a bad movie.”
Aaron knew how to translate ‘Emily’. Comfort movie was more the appropriate term. He smiled shakily. “Let me make popcorn and I’ll join you.”
She smiled. “You don’t have to. Go up to bed, you’ve got to be more exhausted than I am.” To her surprise, he steered her to the DVD rack and the small pile that was in front of it.
“Pick a movie,” he said, his tone brooking no argument. “I’ll be back.”
Emily had picked the movie slid it into the DVD player and settled herself on the couch by the time he returned with a steaming bowl of white fluffy kernels. She grinned as he sat beside her and reached over for a handful.
An hour into the movie, popcorn eaten, Aaron looked over at his companion. As her head had nodded off, he’d found she cuddled more and more into his side. He let her, especially with his new discovery and simply continued to watch the movie, pretending as if he wasn’t noticing. Her breath had evened out twenty minutes prior and he knew she was asleep. He didn’t even bother to wait for the rest of the movie, just gathered her into his arms and, ensuring that he jolted her as little as possible so as to best make it up the stairs, took her and tucked her securely into bed.
Then he went to his own.
This time she was walking down towards Congress. It was a gorgeous spring day, her hand was wrapped in another warm one, her jacket warding off the rest of the early spring chill. She was happy and off duty for once with no interruptions.
Then, shots rang out. She tried to figure out where they were coming from, even as she and her companion rushed for the bushes. She ended up tripping and falling, feeling something stab into her skin as she fell. Her companion crouched beside her and she found herself getting her first good look at him since the dream had started.
And she knew it was another nightmare.
Aaron Hotchner was kneeling beside her. She was on her back, seemingly just put there by her dream world. His hands were on her stomach, trying to slow the blood flow. She could see the panic in his eyes, even as it flooded her body.
“Get out of here,” she rasped. “Get to safety.”
“No, I’m not leaving.”
“I’m not going to make it,” she said, her breathing labored. She was losing blood and she could feel she was losing it fast. Her vision was going black around the edges. “Get to safety.”
Another shot rang out and Aaron’s body collapsed on top of hers. Her eyes stung with tears as she felt hot wetness soaking the other side of her body. She knew he’d been hit, that he was dying just like she was. She started crying in earnest as his hand came up to stroke her cheek.
“Emily,” he said softly.
“I told you-“
“Emily.”
She was surprised to find that his voice was stronger the second time.
“Emily, wake up.”
She blinked brown eyes open to meet his in the darkness of her room. “Another one?” she asked rhetorically, pushing herself into a sitting position and wiping at her face.
“You tell me.”
She nodded. There was no other way she could truly classify what she’d just experienced as anything but. It was a nightmare. It was the first nightmare where she wasn’t the only death.
Aaron sighed and nudged her over, stretching out beside her on top of the sheets. “I’m not sleeping sitting on the floor this time,” he offered in explanation when she looked at him like he was completely insane.
She blushed, but slowly curled her body against his. Her eyes immediately started falling shut as he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her and rearranging her until they were both comfortable. She sighed as she settled against him, allowing her muscles to go limp. She’d analyze this in the morning, maybe with a three-way call with JJ and Garcia.
But for now, sleep was calling, and knowing it was going to be a good one, Emily was most definitely going to answer.