Emily took her time packing her things through the rest of the week. Really, she tried not to think about leaving, about returning to her own empty apartment and everything about being alone again. She and Aaron hadn’t broken their sleeping routine either, and that was another fear that was creeping up in the back of Emily’s head. What on earth was she going to do, alone in her apartment, if she had a nightmare? She was an adult, yes, and it wasn’t like she was new to nightmares, but that didn’t exactly make her any less worried about the outcome. She didn’t much appreciate dreaming about her death.
Or, lately, his. Garcia and JJ had planted a seed in her head that she now couldn’t get rid of. She wasn’t sure what to say or do, found herself almost jumping two feet in the air the first time he touched her after that lunch. She was hyper aware of him now, though she tried her best to keep her behaviour the same as it had been before her revelations with Garcia and JJ. It wasn’t as hard when she was shaking in fear, but the regular touches, the ones that came naturally to both of them, were much more noticeable to her now.
For his part, Aaron knew that their time together was coming to an end. He’d agreed to drop her off at her apartment on Friday to give her the weekend to settle back into her apartment and then a couple of days to reacclimatize herself before her evaluation on Thursday. And he knew she’d booked one. Part of him was glad she did, glad to see that she thought herself strong enough to head back into work. It did seem like she was. She was reaching for higher shelves, not favouring her side half as much as she used to and actually managed to drag him out on a walk a few times after dinner. He knew they weren’t going to know anything until she was actually fully back on the job, but going to the department shrink was a good start.
And a terrifying one. He was so used to having her around that trying to figure out what was going to happen when she left was odd. He was used to shopping and cooking for two people, used to watching movies or trading the crossword while he worked on paperwork. It made his heart warm to see a book of hers left haphazardly on the table or the blanket left unfolded on the couch. He was used to her routine, her nap at two, hearing the shower at night while he finished cleaning up dinner… It was going to be very difficult to adjust to a quiet house again.
“Hey,” she greeted softly on Friday night, her smile tighter that he’d seen it in a long time. “Ready to go?”
No, his mind said. But his mouth spoke the lie. “Sure. Got everything?”
“That I could see or think of,” she agreed, her voice sounding much more exhausted than it had in a while.
He nodded, moving to stand in front of her. Two duffle bags lay at her feet and he swallowed at the sight. He knew there was a box by his television of the DVDs and CDs she’d brought along. His arms rose of their own accord to run down hers. “I’ll help you load stuff into the car.”
Neither of them moved for a moment, even after Emily stopped nodding her head in agreement. For a minute, she though he was about to do the unthinkable and lean down to close the distance between him. Then he stepped back, the cold breeze of his movement shocking her.
They made the drive to her apartment in silence, both partially unsure of what to say and both reluctant to fully admit that her recovery period was over. She was a little surprised when he found a parking spot instead of just dropping her off. Maybe that lean in had been meant for a kiss after all.
“You can’t take all of that up on your own,” he offered in explanation.
Damn.
They took the elevator to her floor, the silence between them tense and awkward for a man and woman who had spent close to the last five months living together. He set the bag and box he was carrying down as she rooted in her purse for her keys.
“I really, really appreciate you letting me stay,” Emily said softly as she unlocked her front door.
He didn’t say anything, just nodded. His eyes were dark and unreadable and they made Emily nervous.
“Do you, um… Do you want to come in? Stay for a bit? I probably have coffee somewhere, we could watch-“ Her bag fell from her hand as Aaron’s mouth made contact with hers. Her arms wrapped around his neck, one hand delving into his hair. His twined around her waist, pushing her as close as he possibly could.
She was panting when they broke away. He looked both satisfied and terrified.
“I’m… I’m sorry,” he sputtered out.
Emily took a deep breath. He’d kissed her, right? “Are you?”
The question brought Aaron’s focus back to her, her kiss swollen lips, the brightness of her eyes. “No,” he said finally. “No, I’m not.”
She nodded, once. “Come in. I’ll make coffee.”
Aaron picked up her bag and followed her into the apartment.
They hadn’t talked about what they were doing all weekend, just allowed themselves the time to explore what he’d started. And neither of them had pushed. They’d made out on the couch, slept curled up in her bed, and went about the usual weekend routine they knew, just in a different house. They ate out on Saturday morning because she didn’t have food in her apartment, and he had to make a run back to his house for clothes. He made her pancakes on Sunday.
She woke Monday morning to an empty bed and frowned before her mind caught up to her. She sighed as she stood and climbed out of bed, not surprised to find that he had left nothing. Until she walked downstairs and found not only a folded t-shirt on her counter, but a note as well.
This is for you.
We need to talk.
Oh, the four words she knew and dreaded at the same time. What on earth had they started, anyway? She’d felt it brewing and convinced herself one way or the other enough times to make her head spin. Then he’d kissed her and everything had flown out the window.
For a man that had been with one woman since high school, Aaron Hotchner sure knew how to make a woman’s knees go weak. They’d made out like teenagers on the couch through the entirety of the movie she’d pulled out of her collection the night before and she had to admit, she was a little surprised by his reluctance to do anything more.
Though she understood it, on a logical level. Intimacy was something they’d stayed away from even with prolonged periods of access. It was enough of a drastic change for him to be able to hold her hand as they’d wandered through the grocery store and even that had been tentative on both sides. They both knew what they’d done.
She went about her usual morning routine before she even considered calling him and battled with herself even after that. But when she’d done all of the straightening up and dusting she could since returning home, she knew she’d have to give in eventually.
“Hotchner.”
“Hey,” she answered, knowing her voice was trembling.
“You okay?”
She smiled even though he couldn’t see it. “I um… I got your note.”
Silence.
“I um… I know we have to and I know there’s a lot to cover and I know that we can’t just leave things and-“
“How’s Wednesday night.”
His interruption caused her brain to stop dead just for a minute. “Wednesday, Wednesday’s good,” she agreed, absently picking at a thread in her pyjamas.
“I’ll bring you in for your eval on Thursday.”
Finally, she broke. “How the hell can you be so calm?”
“I don’t know,” he answered after a moment.
She laughed awkwardly. “Damn you.” She picked at the thread a bit more before shoving her hand underneath her. She didn’t need to pull the thread out completely.
He sighed. This was weirder than he’d thought it would be. “I have to get back to work.” He needed to get off the phone and re-evaluate things.
She needed to do something that let her think. “Yeah. I’ll, um… I’ll talk to you later.”
“Later,” he agreed and couldn’t stop that little bit of warmth from seeping into his voice.
It was his tone that made her feel better. “Bye,” she said softly.
“Bye.”