Something was distinctively off and Jennifer Jareau knew it from the bottom of her observant heart and soul. And it had something to do with Tuscon.
Which, in some ways, made her feel a little bit guilty. Each of the team members had reacted differently to her ‘attack’ and Hotch’s near-death experience. Morrow hadn’t really reacted, actually, now that she thought about it. It was the predictable reaction of a concerned colleague, but JJ didn’t begrudge her that much. After all, she wasn’t quite a member of the family just yet.
Spence, well, reacted exactly the way an overly protective, overly concerned teammate would do. More specifically, he’d reacted as someone who cared deeply for her, and she’d been very, very happy to let him watch over her carefully in the week following the attack. He’d been concerned for Hotch too, just not to the same extent. JJ didn’t mind.
Emily had reacted as a friend, while still battling her own chaotic emotions surrounding the quite possible death of the man she’d just recently admitted she loved. JJ had to admit it was still mind-boggling how well the woman could compartmentalize. She still had no idea what had gone on with her boss and her friend after Emily had left with a packed ready bag. From the way they interacted on the plane, she’d simply assumed that everything was at the very least okay.
Penelope and Derek, on the other hand, had done a complete one-eighty in the month they’d been back from Tuscon. They’d since been on two field cases and JJ had noticed that it was her and Emily that did much of the calling to Penelope. Derek didn’t pick up the phone when her name was mentioned, barely even moved except to wince slightly. JJ and Emily had exchanged a raised eyebrow the first time it happened and shrugged it off. Derek and Penelope rarely stayed angry at each other for long.
But when the second case came about, and nothing had changed, JJ had some serious theories. It apparently ran much deeper than they’d originally anticipated and now JJ was concerned. Information that would usually be rerouted through Derek came straight to Spence, JJ or Emily and not with the same enthusiasm it once had.
Penelope was down, and that required some serious female intervention.
So, she and Emily had simply planned to ambush the woman, giving her no choice but to spend a relaxing day with them. Emily had scored some serious passes to a high end spa, courtesy of her brother and had agreed that this was exactly the situation she’d been waiting for. So JJ strode purposely through the halls to Penelope’s lair, the passes tucked safely in her purse.
She knocked gently on the doorframe, well aware that when concentrating Pen spooked easily.
“Hey there, Jayje.”
That had been another clue. Pet names had been on the serious decline since Tuscon. “We’re whisking you away.”
Penelope, much to her friend’s surprise, looked absolutely terrified. “What?”
“You, me, Em, a weekend at a spa and you can’t say ‘no’.”
“Jayje, really, I… I haven’t been feeling well and…”
“Which is exactly why you need a weekend away,” JJ injected firmly. “You’ve been so down, Pen.”
It was the blatant worry, concern and sadness in JJ’s last sentence that almost guilted Penelope into agreement. Really, she subconsciously knew that she needed some time with the girls. She needed to talk to someone about what had happened with Derek.
And she needed reassurance that missing her period when she’d been regular from the beginning was normal.
“When?” she asked quietly. Her nerves were starting to stir again with the prospect of telling her friends what had happened. Regardless of how upset she was with Derek, she didn’t want him dead.
“Now,” JJ replied, tone brooking no argument. “Em borrowed her brother’s SUV and we just have to swing by your apartment to help you pack and we’re on our way.”
Penelope gave her friend a small, but genuine smile. “I’ll just shut these down.”
Emily looked at Penelope in the rear view mirror as the three women headed to the outskirts of Fairfax. It was a long drive, but if they could cheer Penelope up even just a little bit, it would be very much worth the drive and the gas money. Penelope had been silent through the ride, looking out the window at the passing scenery. There was little of the regularly bubbly Penelope, the woman who had the uncanny ability of cheering her up even in her worst moods. And from what she’d observed over the last month, she had an uneasy feeling it had everything to do with one often-pigheaded Derek Morgan.
“It’s been a long time since we’ve done something like this,” Emily said nonchalantly as she focused her eyes back on the road.
“It has,” JJ agreed with a contented smile. “No cell phones for about 60 hours. How brilliant does that sound?”
Penelope wasn’t so sure. She’d relied on work a lot recently to get herself out of thinking. Thinking was dangerous, especially with some of the things that were running through her head. “Great.”
JJ and Emily exchanged a look. They didn’t want to pressure Penelope in the slightest, if only because while her powers of interrogation were legendary, her stubbornness fell along the same lines. If they pushed her now, they wouldn’t be able to get anything out of her for the rest of the weekend, null and voiding the whole point of the expedition.
“Would you rather be at home, without us?” JJ asked with the perfect pout.
The corner of Pen’s lips tilted in an imitation of a smile. “Nah.”
“I have missed this,” Emily said with a contented sigh.
JJ raised an eyebrow. “What? Hotch not keeping you satisfied enough?”
Emily went pink, her usual reaction to Aaron with her friends. Away from the Bureau and the tension, she was the consummate woman when talking about her man. She even gushed, much to her own awe and cringing disbelief. “Totally off topic.”
JJ snorted in laughter.
“We haven’t had time to us girls in a while,” Emily justified, steering the topic back.
Ironically, that’s what scared Penelope the most. “We haven’t.” She’d have to try and act at least part of her usually bubbly self. The girls knew too much already, probably suspected even more. She should have known better than to hide from profilers.
“I feel so disconnected from everything,” JJ agreed with a quiet chuckle. “Between cases and work-“
“And Reid,” Emily interrupted in a sing-song voice.
JJ shot her a dark look. “-We haven’t had time to just be girls.”
“I’ll admit, I’m looking forward to good talks, chocolate… oooh, and a good massage,” Emily gushed.
JJ opened her mouth.
“A professional massage,” Emily said before the blond could comment. “Goodness, Jay, has our good doctor gone and corrupted your innocent brain?”
JJ shrugged with a sly smile.
Emily huffed.
Penelope stayed quiet.
“Everything okay, Pen?” JJ asked casually, turning in her seat and craning her neck to look at the other woman.
“Mmhmm,” Penelope replied.
JJ exchanged another look with Emily. This was going to be a long weekend.
It wasn’t until late Saturday afternoon while all three women were simply lounging in the sun that JJ put on her interrogation hat. They were nestled in a small, private clearing, just the three of them, simply relaxing. “Hey Pen?”
“Yeah Jayje?”
Really, JJ hated to do this. Penelope had actually looked like she was relaxing and both women had caught glimpses of the woman she’d been a month ago. JJ had a gut feeling that bringing up Derek would shatter that calm. “What happened? With you and Derek, I mean.”
Penelope stiffened. “Nothing.”
Emily moved her sunglasses up to her head, tucking them under the hair of her ponytail. “Pen…”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
JJ was the first to move, abandoning her own lounge chair to sit on the edge of Penelope’s. “I know, but you have to.”
“Why?” She was being petulant.
“Because you’re miserable. Because the way you’ve been acting makes it obvious that he’s the reason behind it. Is it really that bad?” Emily asked, moving to JJ’s vacant chair, sitting on the edge.
Penelope sighed. Hasn’t this been what she wanted? A new opinion on the situation, someone who could tell her she’d be okay? “Depends on your definition of ‘bad’, I guess.”
JJ’s hand grasped Pen’s tightly. “What happened?”
Penelope sighed. “It was after the Tuscon case,” she began quietly. “After he insisted on not leaving me alone.”
JJ and Emily were silent. It had been a rough case for all of them but because they were wrapped up in their own relationships, they hadn’t really been paying attention to those around them.
“He wanted to take me back to his place, to cook me dinner, make sure I was okay, but we ended up at my place.” Her voice had quieted and she knew it, but the story still left an ache in her chest that she didn’t much enjoy. She was usually so in control of her emotions that it felt odd for her to feel like such a roller coaster.
“He cooked “ he’s a fantastic cook “ we ate, cleaned up and settled in to watch a movie. I guess, in hindsight, it was kind of my fault. I should have known better, I should have sent him home after dinner. I knew I wasn’t in the right mood…”
“You’re getting off track,” Emily said softly.
Penelope took a deep breath, tightening her grip around JJ’s hand. “I guess I was just feeling so vulnerable, you know? You guys are my family, you’re my everything and, well, Derek…”
Emily and JJ nodded. Derek was more than her everything.
“I just needed the connection, needed to feel like there was more to life than death and danger. I asked him to make me forget, to make me feel…”
JJ and Emily were wide-eyed in surprise. Penelope’s implication was clear to them both, both of them knowing that dire need to have someone remind them that they were human.
“Wow,” Emily breathed.
“I know, I’m an idiot. It was stupid and unfair… he wasn’t beside me in the morning.”
“What?!”
The outrage and annoyance in JJ’s voice took Penelope completely by surprise. Even as her best friend Penelope often forgot the diminutive woman had a hellish temper.
“He left?”
Penelope shrugged, trying to downplay the hurt and absence she’d felt so acutely.
“He left you a note or something though, right?” Even as JJ asked the question she knew she was wrong. There was no way the rift could exist between Derek and Penelope if he’d left some sort of note, if he’d come back for breakfast, anything.
Penelope shook her head. “Nothing.”
“So you severed ties.” Emily’s voice sounded almost clinical, as if she was simply absorbing the facts.
Penelope had no doubt that’s exactly what she was doing. Which was going to make this bombshell all that more shocking. “And now I’ve missed my period.”