It almost went as a no-brainer that JJ and Emily intended to get together for lunch that day. They kept the conversation light, chattering inanely as they made their way out of the FBI building to the nearby field. The late April weather was gorgeous, surprisingly warm for the time of year, but it didn’t seem to bother either young woman. On the contrary, they were both in high spirits. Very high sprits.
It wasn’t until they’d settled at one of the picnic tables, just outside the outdoor training fields, that JJ even thought about changing the subject. “So, everything worked out.”
Emily blushed. “It did.”
“Even Pen and Derek.”
“Thank God for that,” Emily agreed with a massive sigh of relief. “What did she say?”
“She thought she was dreaming,” JJ chuckled. “It was painful to try and convince her otherwise.”
The brunette let out an ironic snort. “You know, we make quite the team when it comes to relationships.”
JJ cocked her head to the side, her question obvious.
“Think about it,” Emily said as she snatched a carrot from JJ’s bag. “Each one of us thinks the other is too good for them.”
JJ considered this a minute. She’d never seen Emily or Hotch exhibit such a claim, but she knew Spencer often had to struggle to convince himself that JJ was actually with him instead of leading him on to be nice. JJ herself had been a victim of her own insecurities time and time again. Spencer was someone who was fast becoming everything to her and it was a scary concept. She didn’t want to be hurt and though Hotch had made it clear at the staff meeting that no one was leaving against their will, JJ still felt like she had to be careful about her relationship with Spencer.
“So what happened?”
The blond snapped her attention back to her friend. “I had to convince her that it wasn’t a dream and Derek had actually gone over to her place.”
“How did that go?”
“It took time. I think she’s still in denial that he may actually like her. She probably still thinks he’s going to cancel last minute.”
Emily raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “No way. It’s sad the pregnancy was what triggered it though.”
JJ nodded and murmured her agreement through a mouthful of cheese. Emily watched her friend worriedly. There was something up with JJ. She’d all but thrown herself into Pen’s pregnancy and though Pen had been thankful for it up to this point “ they still had no idea what kind of role Derek was about to take “ it scared Emily. JJ had a relationship of her own to try and work with and she was throwing herself into something that wouldn’t exactly help her in the long run.
Emily had always assumed Derek would find out about Peanut. It was simply a matter of time and as Emily watched JJ coddle Pen more than she herself had, Emily had started wondering if there was something off with her blond colleague. She knew JJ hadn’t been spending a lot of alone time with Reid recently, but, technically, it wasn’t her problem. Emily wasn’t even sure JJ was aware of it. As it was, the younger woman’s eyes were watching the trainees on the nearby field.
“They’re watching us,” JJ said, her voice far away.
The brunette arched an eyebrow. “We’re seasoned agents, what do you expect?”
“I don’t think that’s why they’re watching us,” JJ answered, her voice still far away. She squealed when a Goldfish impacted her forehead. “What was that for?”
“What’s going on with you,” Emily countered. “You’re zoned out, you’re quiet, you’ve thrown yourself into Pen’s pregnancy…. Is there something you want to talk about?” JJ tried to play innocent, but Emily had a feeling she’d simply forgotten she was sitting with a profiler.
“What are you talking about?’
“Jayje, it’s me,” the older woman replied. “Lying is useless, so is playing innocent. Talk to me.”
JJ chewed on her bottom lip, a sure sign that something was off in her world. “Did I make a mistake?” She sighed when her friend simply raised an eyebrow. “With Spence. Did I make a mistake?”
“By dating him you mean?”
“He’s a kid.”
Both of Emily’s eyebrows hit her hairline. “Where is this coming from?” she asked. This was actually a surprise. Insecurities were normal, everyone had them and everyone dealt with them, but this was a kind of insecurity Emily wasn’t exactly prepared for. “That’s never bugged you before.”
“He’s the same age as they are,” JJ continued as if Emily hadn’t spoken, waving to the field of trainees, her voice starting to thin out.
Emily blinked. She’d never realized this was something that had bothered JJ. She racked her brain, trying to come up with when this kind of fear may have manifested itself. She came up empty handed.
“Emily, what am I doing?”
JJ looked so pained and confused, that Emily’s heart went out to her. “A few weeks ago I’d have told you that you were following your heart, no matter how clichéd it sounds.”
That got a smile out of the blond, albeit a small one. “And now?”
“Now I’m not so sure,” Emily admitted honestly. “You and Reid danced around whatever this is for ages. Almost as long as Pen and Derek had been dancing around their thing. So I’m a little confused.”
JJ sighed. “I just… I feel like I… I have no idea.”
This was a statement that scared Emily a little bit more. It wasn’t like JJ to have an idea what was bugging her or have a theory as to how to fix it. “JJ, what brought this on?”
“I’ve been thinking about it,” she started quietly, not meeting Emily’s eyes. “I mean, I haven’t been spending time with him and we haven’t been out on a date in months.”
“Six months?” Emily asked curiously.
JJ paused for a moment, thinking about it. “Yeah.”
“Pen’s been pregnant for six months,” Emily said almost nonchalantly.
JJ blew out a breath. “Really?”
“You know that JJ,” Emily accused. “What is going on?”
The pestering was starting to get on JJ’s nerves. She was getting irritated with how hard Emily was pushing. Sometimes Emily could be worse than Pen when it came to personal relationships. “Look at us!” she exclaimed in exasperation. “We work a 24-hour job, we’re breaking fraternization rules, he’s so much younger than me, we like different things, we’re different people…”
Emily rested her hand on JJ’s to get her attention. “Have you talked to Reid about this? All of it?”
“Are you kidding me?” The flood had started and JJ wasn’t sure when it was going to let up. “Bring up age with him? About how he has a difficult time in any social situation?”
“JJ you have to talk to him. You can’t just shove him aside for Pen because you have issues,” Emily said, concern more than obvious in her voice. “That’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to him.”
JJ sighed, deflating. “It’s going to hurt him.”
“Not talking to him, pushing him aside… that’s worse. What are you afraid of?”
It was frustrating when her best friends could profile her problems out of her. “I’m not afraid.”
Emily sighed, balling up her garbage. “Look, Jayje, I’m here for you, but you’ve got to figure this out and you’ve got to figure it out soon. It’s not fair to drag him along when you’re heart’s not in it.”
JJ let Emily leave on her own, not bothering to clean up quickly to follow. It was obvious that Emily was frustrated with the situation and really, JJ wasn’t sure she understood it either. What she did know was that things had been falling apart for her recently. She wasn’t even sure when it had started. What she did know was that she’d looked at her relationship and realized that she wasn’t sure she could handle Spence’s flaws.
They’d spent a lot of the relationship inside with movies and take out and while she understood that Spence wasn’t a social person, she wished they could spend some time out and about. And he was always, always nervous around her. Every step in their relationship minus the first one had been hers, as far as she could remember. She cut him some slack because of how big the first step was, but it was becoming more and more obvious that they were becoming incompatible.
Or at least that was how she saw it.