Title: Loss
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Characters/Pairing: Morgan/Garcia centric
Prompt: #9 Hagalaz (pain, loss, suffering)
Word Count: 1925
Rating: K
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 3/? of the ‘Loser Lynch’ series. A summary for this chapter would certainly give away too much. Let me just say that Garcia’s in hospital once again.
warnings: spoilers for season 3
AN: I know, it’s been a while again since I posted. I was on a holiday for three days. But to make up for the delay a little I decided to post two stories at a time. :)
“What happened?” was the first thing Derek asked when he arrived at the hospital. He felt like he was reliving a déjà-vu. Only a few months ago they’d gathered in the hospital’s waiting room after having been informed that Penelope had been shot. Now Hotch had called him again saying she was in surgery.
And all he’d known on his way here from home at ten a.m. on his day off had been that Penelope had collapsed, was in pain and had needed to be taken to the hospital.
“We don’t know yet.” Hotch explained. “She’s been sick for quite a while now but today it seemed even worse. And then she got a severe cramp in her stomach so we brought her here.”
“Penelope Garcia?” one of the nurses announced.
“Yes.” the team said simultaneously.
The nurse eyed them and frowned: “Is one of you the father of her baby?”
“The father hasn’t arrived yet.” JJ informed her.
“I’m sorry but I can only let one of you see her at the moment and that should certainly be the person she’s closest to.” the nurse stated. “She needs rest.”
“I’m the one she’s closest to.” Derek grumbled. “Check her list whom to call in case of emergency. I’m sure I’m the first name on it.”
The nurse eyed him again.
Angrily crossing his arms in front of his muscular chest Derek grumbled: “What?”
“Nothing.” she gave him a suspicious smile. “Follow me, please!”
And so he did. Neither of them spoke on their way to her room.
“You shouldn’t excite her.” the nurse said just before she opened the door to let Derek in.
When she wanted to turn and leave Derek held her back and quietly asked: “What happened?”
“I’m sorry” the nurse sighed, “she lost the baby.”
Crap! He nodded and stepped in. There she was, sitting upright in the bed and staring out of the window. “Hey, baby girl.” he said in a low voice.
Her head snapped around and she stared at him for a second. Then she just spread her arms.
Derek quickly hurried over to her, sat down on the bed and caught her in his arms.
“I’m so glad they let you come to see me.” she whispered after a long moment of silence.
He winced a little and admitted: “You know, I… told them I was the person you’re closest to. Otherwise they wouldn’t have let me see you.”
“Oh.” was all she said in return.
“I’m so sorry, sweetness.” he whispered and gently kissed the top of her head. “Does Kevin already know?”
She pulled away a little and nodded. “He should be here soon. He wasn’t happy when I told him about the baby anyway. But he said he would let me make the decision. He never really wanted a baby so I guess, he’ll be glad.”
“How are you?” he asked carefully.
“Okay, I guess.” she replied quietly. “Better than I thought I’d feel right now. Maybe I just haven’t realized it yet.”
Derek nodded and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.
“I couldn’t wait to see her and hold her. I just couldn’t wait to have her.” she whispered.
“Her?” he sighed. “I thought you didn’t know the baby’s sex yet.”
“I didn’t” she gave him a sad smile, “I mean, it wasn’t confirmed by my doctor. It’s just… I knew it. I know it’s weird but somehow I knew that it was going to be a girl.”
“I’m so sorry, angel.” Derek repeated.
“I know.” she nodded.
“Do the doctors know what caused this?” he asked in a low voice.
Penelope shook her head no: “They said it could have been the constant sickness. I couldn’t eat properly and therefore the baby didn’t get everything it needed.”
Once again he leaned forward to kiss her forehead. He desperately wished he could take her pain away. But he couldn’t even think of anything to say or do that would make it better.
“What if… I caused this?” she whispered. “Maybe I should have done what Kevin said. I should have stayed home and taken it easy. Or I should have…”
“No, baby girl.” he quickly interrupted her. “Don’t put that blame on yourself! This wasn’t your fault.” But I wonder if it maybe was someone else’s.
“But what if…”
“Stop it, cup cake!” Derek interrupted her again. “You’re not going to blame yourself for that, okay?! We don’t know yet what caused you to lose your baby but we’ll find out, I promise.”
“Thank you” she sniffled, “I… Somehow I wasn’t sure about being a mother. That’s why I thought that… you know, maybe I didn’t really want the child.”
“But I thought you love children and always wanted to have a baby.” he gave her a quizzical look. “And you seemed to be pretty happy about being pregnant.”
“I was.” she whispered. “And I… Of course, I want children. It’s just… I don’t know. I was… scared, I guess. I thought…”
Derek studied her face after her voice had trailed off but when she didn’t continue he softly asked: “What?”
“I guess that doesn’t matter anymore, right?” she shrugged.
“Oh, doll face, of course it matters.” he softly said and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. “Because one day you’re gonna be pregnant again and then all those worries will return. So it’s better to deal with them now.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever have a child.” she whispered.
“Of course, you will.” Derek assured her. “And you’ll be a wonderful mother.”
Penelope was silent for a while before she added: “Maybe it was meant to be this way.”
Derek frowned at her: “What do you mean?”
“You know that I think everything happens for a reason.” she replied and looked at her hands. “Maybe I’m just not meant to be a mother.”
“That can’t be true.” Derek softly objected. “Because you would most definitely be a wonderful mother. There’s so much you could give to a child and teach her “ or him.”
She raised her head and gave him a hopeful look: “You really think so?”
“I know it.” he assured her. “Because I know you. If anyone in this world should have children than it’s you.”
“Thanks.” she gave him another sad smile. “That means a lot to me.”
“It’s the truth.” he softly said stroking her cheek once more.
“Kevin didn’t seem to think that.” she shrugged and then bit her lower lip. She shouldn’t have said that.
“Did he say so?” Derek clenched his fist at the mere thought of that.
“No” she replied and looked down at her hands again, “not really. He just… asked me if I really thought that was a good idea and if I… was sure I could take care of a child.”
“If he really had to ask you that he was either unsure himself or he is “ sorry to say so “ a real dumbass.” Derek gave her an encouraging smile. “You would be a wonderful mother, I know that. Because there’s no possible way that you wouldn’t. Every child in the world would be glad to have a mom like you because you will be the coolest mom ever. And Kevin should have been just as thrilled about having the baby as you were.”
“You mean like taking me to the ultrasound test?” she whispered.
Derek sighed. They’d wanted to go there together in two days. “You’re going to be okay, baby cakes, right?” he asked in concern.
“I don’t know.” she shrugged. “But I think I’m getting there. I hope so. I’ve handled so much already, I think I can handle this too. You know me, giving up isn’t for me.”
“Yeah, I know.” he gave her a warm smile and gently put a strand of her hair behind her ear before he leaned forward once more to kiss her forehead. “Can I… do anything?”
“No” she smiled at him and reached out to stroke his cheek, “it’s enough that you’re just here with me and…” She looked down obviously not daring to say what she wanted to say. She shouldn’t let Derek comfort her. She should wait for Kevin to do so. But the truth was that she felt better when Derek held her.
Nodding Derek leaned forward and caught her in his arms again gently stroking her back. He certainly shouldn’t be here and holding her, that was Kevin’s place. Still he couldn’t help but be relieved that Penelope let him comfort her. She would be okay, he would make sure of that.
They both were startled when someone opened the door.
Kevin froze in the middle of the movement when he entered her room. She was sitting on the bed with HIM! They were holding each other! Derek Morgan was most definitely the last person on earth who should hold Penelope!
“Penelope!” Kevin said, swallowed his jealousy as good as he could and rushed over to her to pull her into a tight embrace himself. “I came here as fast as I could. The nurse told me that you lost our baby. I’m so sorry, darling. What happened?”
“I don’t know.” she replied and hugged him back. “And the doctors don’t know either.”
“It’s okay” Kevin said in a soothing voice, “I’m here now.”
Feeling pretty awkward at that moment Derek decided that it was better to leave. He would catch her later in her office and make her talk about everything. But as long as Lynch was around she probably wouldn’t open up to him anyway.
He had a bad feeling about leaving his baby girl alone with Kevin. Something or someone must have caused her to lose her child “ and he should be there to keep whatever or whoever it was away from her. The problem was that Penelope wouldn’t let him. She just didn’t want to believe that Kevin could be responsible for all that.
Or maybe it was true and Derek just refused to believe that he wasn’t. He didn’t like Kevin and he wasn’t even sure why. It was just that from the day he’d met him in the bullpen onwards and watched how Penelope and him had shaken hands he hadn’t liked him. Something was wrong with him, he could practically smell that!
Sighing Derek decided to inform the others about what had happened. Maybe he should talk to them about his worries, or at least to Hotch. Or maybe he should just keep his mouth shut. After all, he had no proof that Kevin was doing Penelope any harm, he had no proof that he had caused her illness or the miscarriage. He had no proof except for his gut feeling “ the only problem was that this feeling never betrayed him.
Kevin smiled when he heard the door being shut and pulled his girlfriend a little closer. His whole life long he had been the loser everyone made fun of. ‘Loser Lynch’ they’d called him. Nice alliteration, yeah! But he would own everybody! This time he would be the one who won and everyone else would lose.
The last laugh would be on them! And he was already close to this goal. This time he was the one who had won the girl’s heart. And he was not willing to share her with anyone. He wouldn’t let her go again, ever. He would keep her with him.
This time he would be the winner in the end. He would make sure of that “ at all costs.
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ize678
11/20/23 09:43 am
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ize678
11/20/23 09:43 am
Thanks for A number of other enlightening weblog. <a </a>
ize678
11/20/23 09:40 am
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11/11/23 07:39 pm
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Nam
11/11/23 07:39 pm
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Pari
04/13/23 01:11 am
LilP7 you can find the link to create a series under the member account page, when you log in.
LilP7
12/10/22 07:18 am
Took the plunge and wrote a lil story. Thx to Pari and all other FF writers for inspiring me to put my idea on paper (well digitally at least)
LilP7
12/10/22 06:56 am
Took the plunge and wrote a lil story. Thx to Pari and all other FF writers for inspiring me to put my idea on paper (well digitally at least)
LilP7
11/29/22 11:54 am
As I mentioned b4, I am Garvez all the eay. Though I am definetly enjoying yr MorGar (or is that Morcia?) Ones too. Reading them again and leaving some reviews to show appreciation 4 yr hard work
Pari
11/29/22 08:31 am
@LilP7 Thank you for joining and I hope you enjoy the stories :)
11/20/23 09:43 am
Thanks for A number of other enlightening weblog. <a </a>
ize678
11/20/23 09:43 am
Thanks for A number of other enlightening weblog. <a </a>
ize678
11/20/23 09:40 am
web sot online Thanks for A number http://ize678.com/
Nam
11/11/23 07:39 pm
Only aspire to mention types written content is as extraordinary. This clarity together with your put up is excellent and that I could think you’re a guru for this problem. Substantial-excellent in
Nam
11/11/23 07:39 pm
Only aspire to mention types written content is as extraordinary. This clarity together with your put up is excellent and that I could think you’re a guru for this problem. Substantial-excellent in
Pari
04/13/23 01:11 am
LilP7 you can find the link to create a series under the member account page, when you log in.
LilP7
12/10/22 07:18 am
Took the plunge and wrote a lil story. Thx to Pari and all other FF writers for inspiring me to put my idea on paper (well digitally at least)
LilP7
12/10/22 06:56 am
Took the plunge and wrote a lil story. Thx to Pari and all other FF writers for inspiring me to put my idea on paper (well digitally at least)
LilP7
11/29/22 11:54 am
As I mentioned b4, I am Garvez all the eay. Though I am definetly enjoying yr MorGar (or is that Morcia?) Ones too. Reading them again and leaving some reviews to show appreciation 4 yr hard work
Pari
11/29/22 08:31 am
@LilP7 Thank you for joining and I hope you enjoy the stories :)
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