Careese: Now and Forever by Pari

"The new number is a Mr. Hannigan." Finch said as he taped Mr. Hannigan's picture up on the board. "He's one of New York's top real estate agent, a position that has made him a millionaire."

"As well as some enemies I gather." Shaw cut in from her spot near Bear's bed, where she kneeled down stroking the Shepard.

"Yes," Finch concurred as he arched his brow.

"Fine," A rough, scratchy voice spoke out and both Finch and Shaw turn to stare at the other man in the room with them, and both with a look of concern. Although Shaw hid her concern better than finch. "Send me Mr. Hannigan's current location and I'll keep eyes on him." With that said the other man turned to leave the room.

"I'm sure Det. Fusco can handle that Mr. Reese," Finch called out to the man who was walking across the room to the exit.

"Lionel has his own job to do, this is mine." Reese declared as he reached the exit.

"Want some company?" Shaw called out but make no move from her position, because she knew that she would be getting the same answer that he had given her for the past few weeks.

"Not yours." Reese replied just as he crossed the threshold.

"Mr. Reese…John!" Finch called after him and Reese stopped just in the doorway, but never turned to face his benefactor. "Det. Car...Joss wouldn't want this." The smaller man began to speak and this time Shaw did stand upright and took a protective step closer to Finch. She knew the dangers this conversation held, the dangers that one name held. Reese turned his glassy, red, wild, angry eyes onto Finch, pursed his lips, and shook his head slightly at the man.

"Don't," Reese hissed out in warning, but Finch didn't deter because he felt something had to be done, said to snap Reese back for the edge of oblivion.

"She wouldn't want to see you like this." Finch added.

"'She's' dead Finch, 'she' can't see me." Reese stated with a sneer on his lips. "I'm doing exactly what she would want me to do, I'm saving lives. If I'm not doing my job to your satisfaction tell me. So Harold, am I not performing my duties properly?" Finch grew silent a moment and then sighed heavily as he shook his head. The truth was Reese was performing his job proficiently, crime in the city was at a record low and Finch knew that was mainly due to their efforts. Finch also knew that Reese was in an abyss, where he had been since Carter's murder. He feared that Reese would return to that dark place he had dwelled in after the loss of Jessica, and there would be no one there to pull him back out. "Then let me get back to my job, and Finch…" The two men locked eyes and heldeach other's gaze a few second before Reese spoke again. "Don't ever speak 'her' name to me again." The room took on a deafening silence for a split second and then Reese turned and exited.

"You want me to tail him?" Shaw offered half-heartedly. The truth was she opted to avoid Reese in his current state of grief. He tried to hide his grief but it was so thick on him that it was palpable.

"No Miss Shaw, I fear that would do more harm than good. I just hope that this is a wound that time will be able to heal, because if he goes back…" Finch ended his words abruptly not wanting to divulge any of Reese's past issues to Shaw, feeling it wasn't his place to do so.

"Goes back where?" Shaw questioned, thinking that Finch was referring to an actual place and not a state of mind.

"When I first met Mr. Reese, he was in a very bad way. I like to think that by giving him a job…the work of saving lives had given him a purpose and saved him from that dark place he was in, but…" Shaw nodded her head as she suddenly began to understand.

"It was Joss and now she's gone." She added and Finch arched his brow and nodded slightly as he trekked back to his desk.

He entered his loft and instantly relieved himself of his weapon, tossing it on the table by the door. It was just one of many hidden through out the place. He didn't bother turning on the lights he knew his way around, it had been the first thing he had done when he had moved in, he had turned out all the light, closed his eyes as he walked around the space, and memorizing every inch. He felt the other presence in the room, as he nose filled with the familiar scent. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.

"Hi John," A soft voice caressed his ears and he smiled slightly as he opened his eyes and stared down at the tiny woman standing before him.

"Hi Joss." He replied. "You're early." He stated as he moved past her and into the kitchen.

"I am?" She said as she turned to watch him with curious eyes as he opened his fridge and retrieved a beer.

"Well you usually only come to visit when I'm sleeping or drunk off my ass, I'm neither at the moment." He stated as he raise his opened beer bottle in a toast and then took a gulp.

"I'm sorry John," She said sympathetically as she moved to him. He gasped a bit as she stepped closer and the moonlight shining through the large window and the overhead skylight cascaded over her.

"I miss you, Joss" He spoke in a whisper as tears spilled from his eyes. The tears also instantly filled her eyes as well as she looked at the man who she knew was barely holding it together.

"John," She called out and reached out to him as she took more steps closer. He in turned stumbled back and wiped at his wet face as he turned from her and made his way over to his sofa, where he plopped down.

"I'm trying…" He continued to speak. "Trying to be the man that you wanted me to be…how you thought I was…a good man." She smiled at his words as she made her way to him. "It gets hard with you not being here to ride my ass and keep me in check." He said with a chuckle and she chuckled as well as she stood before him silently, waiting for him to say his peace. "But I haven't lost one, not one single number. Not since…I know I didn't save you, but I haven't lost anyone else."

"John," She moved closer and sat down atop the table close to where he was seated.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you Joss," He sobbed out as fresh tears wet his face. "I'm so sorry that I lost you." His face and demeanor completely crumbled as his shoulder began to shake with his sobs. It took him a moment to realize that he was being held and that the person holding him was tangible, they were warm to the touch, and they had a heartbeat. his eyes snapped open, all sobs stopped instantly, and he lifted his eyes to lock onto the brown eyes of Jocelyn Carter's.

"You didn't lose me John," She spoke softly as she reached out and caressed his face.

"You're alive." He spoke out in disbelief as he gripped both of her forearms into his hands and raked his eyes over her as if searching for wounds. He had assumed that this was the same 'ghostly' vision of Carter who had visited him daily since she had 'died'.

"Yeah I'm alive," She confirmed with a smile even though her eyes still held worry over how he would react to this news. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you," She apologized. "I wanted to but the FBI…Mmmmmhmmm…" Her explanation was cut off as Reese captured her mouth with his own. After a few minutes tasting her, Reese moved his lips from her mouth to her cheek, neck, hair, any and everywhere just to reassure himself that she was real. That she was alive and there with him.

"God I've missed you," He mumbled out around the nibbles he was placing on her neck. Carter's eyes closed as her head and mouth both fell open at the pleasant feelings that his touch was causing her.

"I've missed you too, so much…I wanted to come to you before now, even tried a couple of times, but I chickened out…I was afraid that I'd lead the FBI to you….mmmm," Again he ended her explanations with his lips, as he took her into a smoldering kiss. When he finally pulled back he had left her not only breathless but speechless.

"I don't care…just stay," He spoke as he held her gaze with his steely blue eyes. "Don't leave me again," He added as his trembling hands held her face. "Please…don't. leave. me." Reese pleaded. She smiled at him as she lovingly stroked his cheek.

"It's all over now and I'm not going anywhere." She said and Reese extracted himself from her pliant form and stood from the couch. Carter watched his every move with questioning eyes. He turned and held his hand out to her, which she hurriedly grasped with her own. He pulled her to her feet and flush against his chest and then dipped back in for a sensuous kiss. He released her lips and then gripped her about the waist and lifted her from the floor. Carter instinctually wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. She then placed soft kisses upon his face and neck as he took her to his bed, which was situation against a far wall in front of the largest window in the loft. Reese gently laid Carter on his king sized bed and then quickly crawled right up along side her. They each rested on their sides against the pillows, facing one another, their bodies close with legs and arms entangled. The full moon shone brightly across them and allowed them to see the others face clearly. For several moments they just lay there drinking in each others closeness, warmth, and breath.

"What's up with this?" Carter was the first to speak and break the spell. She brushed the back of her right hand across the salt and pepper speckles of stubble that was on Reese's face. "I like it." She said.

"Well I've been trying to keep it under control, instead of going for the Grizzly Adams look, like when we first met." He joked and smiled the first true smile he had had in weeks. Oddly enough, he mentally noted that, the only genuine smiles he had ever had since Jessica had all been for her. Carter giggled at the memory of their first meeting his words had invoked.

"Yeah and you smell better too," She added around a huge smile.

"Just trying to do right by you," He stated and his face took on a more somber look.

"You're a good man John, you always have been. I didn't have anything…"

"You had everything to do with it. You're the only reason I would get up some days." He confessed. "Then you were…" He closed he eyes to will away the thoughts of her 'death' and the images that always accompanied them. "And it was harder without you here, but I knew that you want me to look after Taylor, and I have. He's doing good."

"I know," Carter said with a sad smile. "Thank you for taking care of him for me."

"Does he know?" He asked and she shook her head.

"No, you're the only person I have 'visited'." She answered and a new fear pulled at Reese's gut and caused him to reach up and grasp Carter's right hand and pull it from his face to hold in a tight grip.

"You're just 'visiting'?" He repeated her words.

"Just the first step to reclaiming my life." She reassured him with a warm smile and then tugged his hand to her lips and placed a kiss upon it. "Thanks to you I have my life back."

"What happened Joss?" He asked finally wanting to know.

"I knew I wasn't safe and Taylor wasn't safe, not while Simmons was still on the streets," Reese wanted to tell her that he would have protected her but felt that would have been a lie since she was 'shot and killed' by Simmons right in front of him. "And since I had already brought the FBI in on the HR bust I didn't want to risk getting you involved further, they still got a serious Jones to find the man in the suit. So I decided to keep working with the feds, we came up with a plan to flush Simmons out. The FBI figured that if he thought that I was dead he's relax a bit and slip up, then they'd grab him. So we faked my death. But then Simmons' body washed up and the feds told me I had my life back and I was free to go…John I never thought you'd go after him like you did."

"Really?" He asked. "You think I'd let him…let anyone get away with hurting you…'murdering' you?"

"I knew you'd be pissed and you'd want revenge, but I thought Finch would talk you down like I had when you went after Jessica's husband."

"He tried, told me you wouldn't want me going after Simmons, and I heard him and I knew he was right that you wouldn't, but I didn't care." Reese stated honestly. "I don't feel guilty about Simmons, Joss, and I won't apologize about it either."

"Ok." She replied with a slight nod of her head. "I certainly won't lose any sleep over him, that son-of-a-bitch shot me."

"Speaking of which…how? I saw you bleed out, I checked you had no pulse…tried to revive you."

"New FBI issued bullet-proof vest. It was thin, lightweight, and lined with fake blood pellets and a non-lethal toxin," She said with a grin. "When the bullets struck the vest it released both the fake blood to make it look real enough, and also some kind of drug that was quickly absorbed through my skin. It made my breathing and heart slow down to the point they couldn't be registered, not even on any monitor. Lasted a few hours, long enough for the feds to get my body and 'revive' me. The FBI have some pretty badass and scary 'toys', it got the job done. I'm just so sorry that you were a witness to all that, that I 'died' in 'your' arms."

"If you hadn't…and hadn't ask me to look in on Taylor…Joss I would have finally swallowed that bullet." He said with such conviction in his voice and the look in his eyes told Carter that he meant what he had said.

"Doesn't matter now," She spoke as she pulled her right hand from his grasp and cupped his face. "I'm here, you're here…we're together." She then leaned over and pecked his lips with a simply, sweet kiss before she pulled back and gazed lovingly at the man she realized months before that she had fallen in love with. "So nothing matters right now to me, nothing except us, 'here an now'." She proclaimed.

"Now…and forever," He added and then rolled his body atop hers and kissed her deeply. The new lovers spent the rest of the night and most of the morning professing their love and respect for one another without having to say a word.

Author's Endnotes: *boom* there it is, there you go POIWriters, I gave you the work around, right on a silver platter, now bring Joss back! Damnit!